(I work in a childcare centre. Every ten minutes we have to check on the sleeping children in the nursery to make sure they are still alive and breathing. A coworker who is quiet, sweet, and very unsure of herself does the check and comes out of one of the cot rooms to say:)

Coworker: “[Child] has thrown up a little.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Do you want to clean it up, or do the washing up I was about to do and let me clean it up?”

Coworker: “Ah, I’d like to do the washing up if you don’t mind.”

Me: “Sure thing.” 

(I go grab what I will need –gloves, washcloths, bag for clothes, etc. — and walk into the room. The child has projectile vomited in her sleep; it is EVERYWHERE and the child is still asleep. The sheets need to be thrown out, the cot has to be disinfected, and the child needs a bath — it is in her hair and in her socks. I walk up to that coworker later.)

Me: “Um, [Coworker]…”

Coworker: “Yes?”

Me: “You led me down a bit of a fantasy there by saying it was a little bit of vomit.”

(She and the other coworkers in the staff room lost it with laughter.)

(I am a teller at a credit union, working in the drive-up. My coworker and I are discussing the technically illegal things that people do out of ignorance, such as Person A signing a check made out to Person B after Person B has already signed it in order to deposit the check into an account that both of them are on. My coworker vents her frustration with people’s ignorance in a silly way so that she won’t actually be mad about it, and I like to be silly back at her to ease the frustration all the more.)

Coworker: *in a silly, sing-song voice* “Why are people so stupid? Why do people break the law? Why don’t people understand basic things about finances?”

Me: *in a very serious tone* “Because the United States educational system is thoroughly broken and doesn’t care anymore, so people aren’t taught the basic life skills that they used to be taught in order to become functioning adults and don’t know where to turn as adults to learn the proper rules. Thus, they inadvertently commit financial felonies.”

(There’s a pause as she looks at me, eyebrows up.)

Me: *now in a sing-song voice* “And also people are just really, really dumb!”

(It’s Memorial Day and we’re incredibly busy. All of our registers are being used and there’s still a line, which is fairly unusual for our store. I’m on a register, along with one of our associates who is completely useless on the register, despite the fact that she’s worked here for probably six or seven months now and has been trained on them over and over again. The rest of us actively avoid letting her on registers because it just requires us to basically run two registers at once and do everything for her, every time.)

Coworker: *completely interrupting me talking to my customer* “Hey, [My Name], where are you writing them?”

Me: “Writing what?”

Coworker: “Are you writing them on a card?”

Me: “Writing what, [Coworker]? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Coworker: “The coupons.”

Me: “Oh, on the receipts.”

(We’ve recently been giving out coupons but ran out of the paper copies, so we write the info on people’s receipts to use to redeem the coupon.)

Coworker: “Okay, that’s what [Other Coworker] said earlier. I just wanted to double-check.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I go back to my customer. Maybe ten seconds later…)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], why is it doing this?”

(I look over to her register. It’s timing out on the PIN pad, which it has been doing all day and happens probably at least once or twice a day normally. It’s a big nuisance.)

Me: “Oh, uh, it’s just timing out. It will take a few minutes to restart itself before you can try again. You’ll have to type in her card info by hand when it does.”

Coworker: “Does this happen often? What is happening?”

Me: *trying to talk to my customer about her transaction* “It happens a lot. It will time out in a minute or so. Just wait.”

Coworker: “Why is it taking so long? Can you fix it?”

Me: “No, you just wait for it to stop on its own.”

Coworker: “Why does it do this? Can you fix it? Does this happen a lot? I don’t know what to do.”

Me: *seeing her screen change after it times out* “You’ll need to type in her card info now so you don’t risk that happening again.”

Coworker: “How do you do that?”

(I reach across to show her where, knowing I have shown her this before multiple times. The button literally says, “CREDIT CARD ENTRY.”)

Me: “Hit this button here.”

Coworker: “Now what do I do?”

Me: “Type in the info from the card. It asks for it right on the screen.”

(I watched her struggle for a minute or so, but I couldn’t help because I was ringing up customers still. When I got a chance, I turned around to help her only to see our new hire, who was maybe only on her second or third week in the store, showing her how to type in the card information.)

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(I’m a cashier. It’s slow, so while we’re cleaning around the front, we’re talking. It’s also Mother’s Day, and while I don’t have a mother, I celebrate it with my grandma, who raised me.)

Coworker #1: “Hey, [My Name], doing anything for today?”

Me: “I’m taking my grandma out to dinner after work.”

Coworker #1: “Oh, nice! What about your mom?”

Me: “Oh, I don’t have one. I just do all the Mother’s Day stuff for my grandma.”

Coworker #1: “What? Everyone has a mother!”

Me: “No, that’s completely false. I don’t have a mother.”

Coworker #1: “Why not?!”

(The reason is VERY personal. Only a few people outside of my family know.)

Me: “It’s none of your business.”

Coworker #1: “You probably did something and she disowned you. It’s because you’re a [lesbian slur], aren’t you?!”

(Another coworker, who’s also a good friend of mine, hears this and comes over.)

Coworker #2: “Okay, no. First of all, [My Name] is gay, but that is neither related to that situation or anything bad. Second, she’s right; you don’t need to know why she doesn’t have a mother. Third, you watch your mouth around here.”

Coworker #1: “Why did [Manager] hire a [lesbian slur]?! You’re just gonna try and get in my pants!”

(My other coworker goes to get the manager. I just look at the cashier.)

Me: “…[Coworker #1], I don’t want in your pants. I have standards.”

(She was suspended for her comments, since a lot of other coworkers complained about her.)

(I work as a private guitar teacher with 30 to 40 students that I see for half-hour lessons once a week. I work as a contractor for a studio, which means I pay a portion of my lesson income to the studio to “rent” my room. My contract specifies that I am not an employee of the studio. It is springtime, which means that it’s time to re-enroll students for the fall semester of lessons. I have recently accepted a school teaching job and am reducing my hours at the studio to half. Naturally, this has caused some confusion and a parent has asked to spend the last five minutes of their kid’s lesson time discussing the new schedule with me.)

Customer: “I was wondering if you had any lesson times available in your schedule for a Wednesday next fall.”

Me: “Sure, let me check the book and see what I have available!”

(The studio owner refuses to give each of us a copy of our schedule and instead keeps a binder at the front desk of the studio which is extremely disorganized, constantly changing, and full of her personal notes. Everyone uses this binder every day, so it is in terrible condition.)

Me: “Okay, it looks like I have a Wednesday at five open. Would that work for you?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s perfect!”

Me: “Okay, let me just make a note here to reserve your spot. If you can just pay the $25 deposit, the time slot is yours.”

(The customer proceeds to get out cash and talk to the girl at the desk about the deposit. At this point, the owner of the studio — who was in the middle of teaching a lesson — comes out of her room and immediately stands between me and the customer.)

Studio Owner: “Can I help you with your re-enrollment?”

Customer: “No, we were just about to sign me up for a Wednesday because that works better for my schedule.”

Me: “Yeah, I thought since that spot is open in the schedule I could put her there.”

Studio Owner: *to me, like I should have known this already, apparently by reading her mind since this information was written down nowhere* “No. I’ve already scheduled someone in that spot.”

Me: “Oh, well, is there another spot available?”

(We proceed to go through each opening in the schedule, with the owner telling me each one is full, even though they are empty in the book.)

Me: “What about this one? You told me Friday this one is open.”

Studio Owner: “No. I don’t remember who’s there but someone is.”

Me: “Can we check?”

Studio Owner: “No.” *with a hint of nastiness to her voice, to the customer* “Look, I told you earlier when we talked about this, you can either have the spot you have now, or you can have no spot.”

Me: “But—”

Studio Owner: “Those are your options. Have a nice day!”

(The owner then sweeps off back to her lesson. I look at the customer. The customer looks at me. She mouths, “Wow,” and I just nod.)

Me: “So, I thought I had control over my schedule, seeing as I’m a contractor, but apparently not.”

Customer: “Yeah, I guess you don’t!”

Me: “Listen, I’ll give you my phone number. I may be able to arrange a Tuesday lesson if you are available.”

Customer: “Would you be able to come to our home?”

(I have a feeling that this is not encouraged at the studio, especially with the owner being who she is. But I nod to the customer and lower my voice, telling her to text me and we will talk about it. We quickly discuss a few details and she thanks me and leaves. During my next lesson, I get a text from another teacher at the studio saying she needs to speak to me urgently. So, between my next lessons, she pulls me aside in the hall.)

Coworker: “Don’t ever do that! Okay? Seriously. Never. You are not allowed!”

Me: “Oh, okay. I didn’t realize it was such a big deal. I’m sorry.”

Coworker: “I mean it! Don’t ever do that. [Owner] can and will sue you! Why would you ever poach our students? That hurts everyone here! Have you done it before?”

(I am extremely done with being told off by someone who is not anywhere near my boss, but I am not the type to burn bridges, so I decide to try and get her on my side and cool the raging inferno.)

Me: “No, I haven’t done that before. I didn’t realize that I couldn’t do that. Thanks for looking out for me; you always do that and I appreciate that. I have to go teach my lesson now.”

Coworker: “I’ll look the other way this time, and I’m not trying to villainize you, but I would hate for you to lose all that income if you lose your job.” *implying that she will tell the owner*

(Now, first of all, I am a mind-your-own-business type of gal, so I don’t understand why this other teacher decided it was her business to threaten me with losing my job and being sued. But I take it all in grace because what can you really do? Later, I am chatting with the girl at the desk after everyone else has gone home. I usually teach late and am often left to lock up.)

Desk Girl: “That was crazy today.”

Me: *joking* “Yeah, I have no idea what I did, but apparently I messed up pretty bad. Let’s hope I still have a job tomorrow.”

Desk Girl: “Yeah, after you had that talk with [Coworker], she came out here and asked me if you’d ever done that before, then went through [Owner]’s desk to find the contract to show it to you.”

(Everything in this studio was extremely disorganized so, of course, she never found it. The desk girl was just a high schooler. How was she supposed to know what I do with my time outside the studio? This whole experience made me realize how crazy my coworkers are. Now I’m waiting for the text from the customer. I’ll have to explain that I can’t teach them because I was threatened by a lawsuit. I’m sure that’ll get them to resign. Now I’ve lost a customer and that income. Gotta love it.)