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It’s Going To Be One Of Those Days… We Think

, , , , , | Working | December 8, 2017

(As a call center, we work seven days a week. As a result, most people’s weekends aren’t Saturday and Sunday. Today, Tuesday, one of my coworkers says to another:)

Coworker #1: “Tomorrow is your Friday, isn’t it?”

Coworker #2: “No, it’s my Thursday.”

Coworker #1: “Oh, that’s right; it’s Wednesday!”

That’s Not Very Big Of You

, , | Working | December 8, 2017

(One of my coworkers is a really small guy, clearly under 160 centimeters. One day we are doing small talk in the staff room. Another coworker, who likes to make witty wisecracks, is there, too.)

Coworker #1: “You know, when I was little…”

Coworker #2: “What? Yesterday?”

Going Toe To Toe With Stupidity

, , , , | Working | December 8, 2017

(I work in a storage warehouse, using large heavy-lifting trucks, and unfortunately, accidents do happen. One of my coworkers ended up in one such accident a few years back, which ended up costing him one toe and damaging the rest. One day at work, I hear this gem between him and one of our newer, less bright coworkers:)

Injured Coworker: “…so after the accident, I didn’t even notice something was wrong; I just noticed my foot was bleeding, so I walked into the office to tell [Boss].”

Coworker: “So, you walked in with one foot busted up?”

Injured Coworker: “Yeah, it didn’t even hurt, until I heard the other guys yell, ‘Hey, get some ice! This guy’s toe is still here!’”

Coworker: “But, you said you don’t have a toe! This was years ago! Hasn’t it, like, grown back?”

(After that comment, we were all snickering but his answer made us all just break into laughter:)

Injured Coworker: “[Coworker], do I look like a lizard to you?!”

The Day They Left Was Precious

, , , , , | Working | December 6, 2017

(There is one coworker that everyone finds annoying. He often talks continuously about subjects no one is interested in, and he’s proven to be grossly incompetent at tasks around the theater. He’s alienated the entire staff, especially the girls, and no one likes to deal with him. It’s the end of the night shift and I have been home for hours when I receive a message from another coworker.)

Coworker: “Hey, [Annoying Coworker] got fired! Enjoy!”

(I check around with some other coworkers. Seems he was working in the box office when he called a heavyset black woman “Precious,” and she started crying. The manager on duty fired him on the spot. The next morning I’m walking to work when I run into the manager, who’s also on his way to the theater.)

Manager: “Hey, how’s it going?”

Me: “Doing all right… So… ‘Precious,’ huh?”

Manager: “Oh, God, that! Yeah. He crossed the line. I had to let him go. It seemed like he didn’t realize why everyone was upset with him. I felt bad for that lady, too. I thought she was going to slug him.”

(We continued talking about it on the way to the theater. The guy actually came back and tried go to work like nothing had happened. The manager ended up yelling at him to get out. Some people just can’t take a hint.)

Making Tall Claims

, , , , , | Working | December 6, 2017

(I work at an amusement park. I go on my 40-minute break to the staff cafeteria and see it is almost completely filled. I find an empty spot, and soon enough a cute girl asks if she can share my table.)

Girl: “Hi, can I sit here?”

Me: “Sure.” *she sits down* “Where do you work?”

Girl: “I work in retail, usually at the big store at the front of the park. What about you? I don’t recognize your uniform.”

Me: “I work crowd control.”

Girl: “But… don’t you have to be intimidating to do that?” *looks under table* “I guess you’re tall.”