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Sprinkling A Few Hints Around The Office

, , , , , | Working | November 14, 2017

(I’m queer. I don’t hide it from my coworkers, but sometimes I have to openly state it before they realize otherwise. Currently, I’m working in the kitchen and frosting donuts for the next morning.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], do we have any more rainbow sprinkles?”

Coworker: “I don’t think so. What we have on that shelf is what we’ve got.”

Me: “D***, how am I going to make these donuts as gay as I want without rainbow sprinkles?”

Coworker: “Now, [My Name], that’s not the right word to use.”

Me: *after a pause* “These donuts are now gay. Just like me.”

Coworker: “Oh!”

(We then had a nice chat where he told me all about his awesome, butch aunt.)

Bluetooth, Meet Your Great Great Great Grandfather

, , , , | Working | November 13, 2017

(I am working at an office where we are allowed to listen to music. While I am not that tech-savvy, I know more than the average coworker, so they often come to me for tech-questions first. I am in my late-twenties.)

Coworker: *in her mid-twenties* “[My Name], can you help me with the radio?”

Me: “Sure, I can try. What’s wrong?”

Coworker: “Well, this stereo has an option for ‘phono,’ but when I push it, it won’t connect to my phone. My phone can’t find it.”

Me: *staring, until realising she is not joking* “’Phono’ stands for ‘Phonograph.’ It’s so you can hook up a phonograph system?”

Coworker: *blank stare*

Me: “Like, a system you can play an LP record on?”

Coworker: “Oh… OH!” *catching on* “Wow, this system is really old, then!”

Me: “I suddenly feel very, very old.”

I’m More Of A Spooning Person Myself

, , , , , | Working | November 13, 2017

(It’s around lunchtime at my workplace, and I walk around the corner and find a coworker coming in the other direction, carrying her empty lunch container and a fork. Since I nearly run into her, she laughs and brandishes the fork at me.)

Coworker: “Haha, I’m gonna fork you!”

(She went off still laughing, with apparently no idea of what that sounded like.)

Got You Dead To Rights

, , , | Working | November 10, 2017

(The museum is about to close and my colleagues are conducting final checks on galleries. We are keeping contact via radios. I have just asked [Colleague #1] to check our Ancient Egypt gallery.)

Colleague #1: “Yeah, it’s all fine; the gallery is completely empty.”

Colleague #2: “But the artefacts are still there, right?”

Colleague #1: “It’s empty of people.”

Colleague #2: “But the mummies are still there, right?”

Colleague #1: “It’s empty of living people.”

Me: “But you’re still there, right?”

Colleague #1: “I’m dead on the inside.”

Sexism Is The Kicker

, , , , , | Working | November 10, 2017

(My coworker and I both work overnight, and we are swapping stories.)

Coworker: “So, has any customer acted all crazy with you at night?”

Me: “Let me see… Oh, yeah! Once, it was around midnight, and I heard a loud bang, bang, bang on the glass door, and the customer was trying to put her foot through it!”

Coworker: “That’s it?”

Me: “Well, yeah. I mean, it was scary loud! You never had one like that?”

Coworker: “Oh, yeah, but that’s not scary.”

Me: “Then what’s the scariest thing for you?”

Coworker: “One time a creepy guy was wandering around, staring at me through the window! I called the police!”

Me: “And that’s scarier than someone trying to kick down a door?”

Coworker: “Well, he was a guy, and yours was a girl!”

(We’re both female, but I still think mine was scarier, even if it was a girl. Girls can be scary when violent.)