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Email Fail Not Fail

, , , , , | Working | November 15, 2017

Coworker: *emailing* “My emails don’t work.”

Tech Support: *internally thinking* “What the f***?” *emailing* “It’s fixed.”

Coworker: *emailing* “Thanks.”

(Discovered when the office was debating the most memorable emails ever received.)

The Party Can Only Hold 9-12 Inches

, , , , | Friendly | November 15, 2017

(I’m a male server and nearly all of my direct coworkers are women. I’m also a Christian and this is no secret to anyone I work with. While at work in the server station at my restaurant, one of my coworkers is discussing plans for a get-together with a few of the other servers. Foolishly, I ask what they’ll be doing.)

Coworker: *with defiance* “I’m hosting a sex toy party.”

(This produces the immediate image in my mind of middle-aged women sitting around in a circle, sharing and discussing various dildos. It’s such an unsettling picture that I guess I noticeably wince.)

Coworker: *reacting* “You know what, Church Boy? There’s nothing wrong with sex! It’s what people do! Maybe if you’d bother taking that Jesus stick out of your a** you’d learn some things about life!”

(A defensive argument could have ensued but I kept responses to myself and went back to work.)

Vaulted To Freedom

, , , , | Working | November 14, 2017

(I’m a banker, and new to this branch. I’ve got a notoriously difficult customer at my desk. He’s always acting like he’s strung out on something, and is very belligerent. I’m resigned to waiting it out when one of my coworkers comes to my desk.)

Coworker: *in a stern tone* “[My Name], I need you in the vault when you’re done. Sooner rather than later, please.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m out. She scares me!” *stumbles out the door*

(I head back to the vault, fearing the worst.)

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Coworker: “Nothing. I just thought you needed to be rescued from Mr. Crazypants over there.”

Me: “I owe you!”

Coworker: “Nah. No worries. Just email me or something if you get any more of those. I can put on my scary face!” *laughs*

Sprinkling A Few Hints Around The Office

, , , , , | Working | November 14, 2017

(I’m queer. I don’t hide it from my coworkers, but sometimes I have to openly state it before they realize otherwise. Currently, I’m working in the kitchen and frosting donuts for the next morning.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], do we have any more rainbow sprinkles?”

Coworker: “I don’t think so. What we have on that shelf is what we’ve got.”

Me: “D***, how am I going to make these donuts as gay as I want without rainbow sprinkles?”

Coworker: “Now, [My Name], that’s not the right word to use.”

Me: *after a pause* “These donuts are now gay. Just like me.”

Coworker: “Oh!”

(We then had a nice chat where he told me all about his awesome, butch aunt.)

Bluetooth, Meet Your Great Great Great Grandfather

, , , , | Working | November 13, 2017

(I am working at an office where we are allowed to listen to music. While I am not that tech-savvy, I know more than the average coworker, so they often come to me for tech-questions first. I am in my late-twenties.)

Coworker: *in her mid-twenties* “[My Name], can you help me with the radio?”

Me: “Sure, I can try. What’s wrong?”

Coworker: “Well, this stereo has an option for ‘phono,’ but when I push it, it won’t connect to my phone. My phone can’t find it.”

Me: *staring, until realising she is not joking* “’Phono’ stands for ‘Phonograph.’ It’s so you can hook up a phonograph system?”

Coworker: *blank stare*

Me: “Like, a system you can play an LP record on?”

Coworker: “Oh… OH!” *catching on* “Wow, this system is really old, then!”

Me: “I suddenly feel very, very old.”