(I work in a well-known UK car retailer store. During my first week, the duty manager is on with me and two other new starts. We decide to play a prank on one of the guys. The manager hides in the back room and phones the store asking for information on a “flux capacitor” — a fake car part made famous by the “Back to the Future” movies. We expect our coworker to catch on, but he thinks it is a genuine car part. Instead of asking for help with something he knows nothing about, he proceeds to bulls*** the “customer” with a story of how we don’t have one, but another store does, and quotes them the price of £39.99. Well, this is interesting! We have literally caught the guy in a lie, and so our innocent prank grows arms and legs! Instead of coming clean, we decide to have a bit more fun with him. The duty manager has a conversation that goes something like this:)

Duty Manager: “Did you speak to someone about a Flux Capacitor?”

Coworker: “Yes, I told them [Other Store] had one.”

Duty Manager: “[Other Store] is on the phone saying they don’t have one but we do, so they’re having to send the customer back to us! Also, he’s saying something about being quoted £39.99?”

Coworker: “Yeah? That’s what I told him.”

Duty Manager: “They’re £400! What were you thinking? We’ve got to give him the lower price now and we could have got a bonus with that £400 sale!”

(He is horrified that he has made such a “mistake,” and what is even funnier is that he can’t admit he just made up the prices and stock levels or he’ll be in deep trouble. We let him stew for a while, as he is clearly upset and worried about this irate “customer” who might appear. We do plan to come clean that night, but during that same shift, we have a completely unrelated incident — it kind of turns into the shift from Hell, actually — which results in us having to call the police. After close, we are all giving statements and while my coworker is giving his, his mum turns up. I explain that we have had a minor incident tonight and her son is just finishing up with the police.)

Coworker’s Mum: “Oh, is that the problem with the flux capacitor?”

(I assured her it wasn’t while trying not to laugh in her face! We had no idea he had been so upset by his behaviour that he had called his mum! After telling the manager about it, we agreed that we were all in too deep to come clean about the prank now. Unsurprisingly, our little coworker did not last much longer in the job and he left none the wiser about the truth of the flux capacitor! Hopefully, he at least learned never to lie to customers again. The manager and I always had a good chuckle over the story for the six years I worked there.)

(It’s a Monday, and I enter the break room to find my coworker. She is pacing the room and fuming.) 

Coworker: “Someone stole my hummus!” 

Me: “What? Seriously?”

Coworker: “Yeah! I had a whole tub in the fridge, and now it’s gone.” 

Me: *looks and points at the employee refrigerator with the big sign saying that the fridge is cleaned out every weekend* “This fridge?”

Coworker: “Yes! Why would someone do that? Who would just take it?” 

Me: “They clean that out on the weekend to keep it clean. You can’t leave stuff from Friday.”

Coworker: “But they wouldn’t throw away my hummus! Someone took it.” 

Me: “No, they would throw it away.” *reading the sign aloud* “’Cleaned out every weekend. Everything must go.’”

Coworker: “They don’t really mean everything.” 

Me: “I think they’ve left, like, a sealed pop can a few times. But that’s unopened. But [Office Manager] even said they’ll throw away a lunchbox if it’s left in there repeatedly.”

Coworker: “My hummus was sealed.” 

Me: “Like, unopened?”

Coworker: “Well, it had a lid. They wouldn’t throw it away if it had a lid!” 

Me: “They absolutely would. They even send out a reminder email most weeks on Friday to take your stuff from the fridge.”

Coworker: “No. Someone stole it. Who would do that?” 

Me: *giving up* “Beats me.”

(I overheard her later in the day, complaining to someone else asking, “Who would do that?” It’s like she liked the idea of a hummus thief.)

I was asked by the boss lady to keep an eye on the filing. Human nature being what it is, most colleagues were prone to putting the documents in the correct folder at best or correct box at worst, but not the correct place. I did what was requested, keeping an eye and confronting my colleagues and asking politely but firmly that they put the documents in the correct order. 

Fast forward about two months. I was told not to bother anymore. There were too many complaints about me being too strict about the filing. 

Fast forward another month or so. I was asked to find a document that had been wrongly filed since I was asked to step down and could not be traced. I politely declined since I was no longer in charge of filing.

And, yes, the document remained lost and no, I was not asked to take the filing back under my wing.

(A coworker finds out I’m a lesbian and suddenly starts treating me poorly. She starts telling management I’m giving her dirty looks, leaving my register a mess, wandering off, etc. Management knows this is all false and reminds her that they’ve reviewed the camera footage and haven’t seen anything like what’s she’s describing. All of my other coworkers have picked up on what she’s been doing, and they side against her. They’ve spoken up for me, apologized to me, and complained to management about her. I’m ringing someone up and they mention that they saw a sale sign that’s not showing on the computer. My coworker goes to check.)

Coworker #1: *snottily* “There’s no sale sign; guess you’ll have to tell the customer too bad!”

(Before I can reply, my coworker in charge of all the signage speaks up over the radio.)

Coworker #2: “Actually, there should be a sale sign in [section]. Six, actually. I put them up ten minutes ago. So, either you didn’t look, you took them down, or you’re lying.”

Coworker #1: “Well… you shouldn’t defend a [slur]!”

(The radio goes dead silent. I adjust the price for my customer and they leave. Fifteen minutes later, I see my rude coworker storming out of the front door. My other coworker comes over to me.)

Coworker #2: “Someone thought management would agree with her. And I think she forgot that I’m married to a woman.”

(She ended up getting fired.)

(Though my schedule is not written in stone, I’ve worked the same days every week for several months. Because of this, I’ve been able to plan my non-work life with little trouble. One day, I am in the break room looking over my schedule when I see I am scheduled for a day I don’t usually work. It also happens to be a day I have a doctor’s appointment scheduled.)

Me: *to myself* “Oh, crap.”

Coworker: “What’s wrong?”

Me: “Oh, I didn’t ask for next Friday off and I have a doctor’s appointment.”

Coworker: “You don’t normally work Friday, do you?”

Me: “No, that’s why I didn’t think to ask off. I’ll just have to reschedule my appointment. Oh, well!”

Coworker: “Why are you upset if you didn’t ask for it off?”

Me: “Oh, no, I’m okay. It’s my fault for not asking for it off. That’s all.”

Coworker: “I just don’t understand why you’re upset if you’re the one who didn’t think to ask for the day off.”

Me: “I’m not upset. I was just saying that I forgot and now I have to fix it. It’s not a big deal.”

Coworker: “You should have asked for it off.”

Me: *giving up* “Yeah, I guess. Lesson learned.”

(The day of the shift arrives. I walk in and my manager calls me to the office.)

Manager: “I heard there was a problem with today’s shift.”

Me: “There is?”

Manager: “It was brought to my attention that you were complaining about having to work today.”

Me: “No, I wasn’t. Who said that?”

Manager: “I can’t tell you. You know that this shift is within your availability, right?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Manager: “And you didn’t ask for the day off.”

Me: “Right.”

Manager: “So, I don’t understand what the problem is.”

Me: “Nothing. There’s no problem.”

Manager: “That’s not what I heard.”

Me: “Well, like I told [Coworker], I recognize that it’s my fault I didn’t ask for this day off. I was just basing things on how they’ve been for the last several months.”

Manager: “So, you’re upset because I scheduled you on a day you are available?”

Me: “I’m not upset. I assumed I’d have today off because that’s how it’s been for months. When I saw I was scheduled, I changed my appointment. It was my mistake.”

Manager: “I just don’t understand why you were complaining when you did nothing to prevent this.”

Me: “Oh, my gosh.”

Manager: “What?”

Me: “Nothing. Life is good.”

Manager: “Well, maybe in the future you’ll remember to ask for the day off instead of complaining.”

Me: “Yup. Thanks.”

(Apparently, my manager started using this experience as an example of thinking ahead when other employees asked for days off or had conflicts. Every time it came up, I had to explain again that yes, I know it was my fault and yes, I learned from it. And every time, my manager tells the story like I was furious and blamed him.)