(I’m twenty-six years old. Due to my Asperger’s Syndrome and a number of other factors, I haven’t been able to get my driver’s license until now. This takes place at work the Friday after I pass my road test. One of my coworkers, who turned sixteen a few months ago, comes in singing.)

Coworker: *singing* “Guess who just passed her test?”

Me: “You?”

Coworker: “Yep! I’m now a licensed driver, see?”

(She proudly displays her new driver’s license.)

Me: “Awesome, I got mine on Tuesday!”

(I show her my license. She glances at it, then looks incredulously at me.)

Coworker: “Wait, you’re that old and you only just now got your license?”

Me: “Well, yeah. What about it?”

Coworker: “Oh, my God, you’re such a loser! Why would you wait so long?”

Me: “Umm, why does it matter when I got my license?”

Coworker: “Because normal people get their license at 16 like me! Only losers wait until later!”

(The manager comes in at this point. She has overheard the whole exchange.)

Manager: *to my coworker* “Clock out right now and go home. We’ll discuss your behavior in my office first thing tomorrow morning. Oh, and for the record, sweetheart, I didn’t get my license until I was thirty. Were you planning on calling me a loser, too?”

(My coworker opened her mouth but didn’t say a word, and then punched out and left. She quit the next day, claiming that she wanted a job where she didn’t have to work with losers who didn’t get their license at sixteen — good luck with that. My now ex-coworker lost her license two days later when she failed to stop for a school bus.)

(I work at a flower shop inside a grocery store. We do balloons as well as flowers, but right now we’re out of helium. My coworker puts three signs around the floral department to let customers know we’re out, and big “EMPTY” signs on the two empty tanks waiting for pickup.)

Me: “Just wait; a customer is going to get mad and tell us we should have a sign.”

Coworker: “I’m going to get a lot of satisfaction pointing these out to them.”

(Fast forward to later, after the department has closed and all of us have gone home. One of the MANAGERS of the grocery store calls my boss at home at 8:30 on a Sunday night, and this conversation takes place.)

Grocery Manager: “Are you guys out of helium?”

Boss: “Yes, we’re out.”

Grocery Manager: “You should have a sign up.”

Boss: “We have five of them.”

Grocery Manager: “Oh. I didn’t even look.”

(For once, I guess it wasn’t customers we had to worry about!)

I am a health worker who works two days a week conducting home visits to clients in the local area. Ordinarily, I am only in my office for an hour a day and complete most of my documentation on my laptop.

My laptop decides, one day, not to connect to the network. I log a call, specifying that I only work two days a week, what my hours are, and that I am out of the office most of the day, but that my laptop is in a particular spot, available for the technician to collect. I also provide my mobile number so I can be contacted if there’s any problem or question. I now have to do my documentation on paper and transcribe it all when I get back in the office, which is quite time-consuming and stressful, but I’m guessing it will only be for a week or so until I get my laptop back.

For the next four months, the technician visits my office three times a week and ask any random person, admin staff, or other health workers outside my team — i.e. people who don’t even know who I am — if am in, which I never am, and then just leave and close the ticket stating “laptop unavailable.” Consequently, I end up logging another call — which is hard to find time to do, given my extra workload — leaving the same details, and he comes again, finds I am not there, leaves again, and closes the ticket. I try to escalate things but it never seems to go anywhere and I don’t have the time to chase it up.

Eventually, one of the people he asks about me is my coordinator who, reportedly, tears him a new one and physically picks up the computer, puts it in his hands, and escorts him back out the door.

It is returned to me a week later without the power cable, and I have to wait another two weeks for him to return it so I can actually turn the d*** thing on.

Related:
Laptop Flop, Part 27
Laptop Flop, Part 26
Laptop Flop, Part 25

(My first job is as a dental nurse working with the city’s university dental hygienist course. I love the job, and I get on well with the students and the tutors. However, I quickly start to find that I don’t get on so well with the other nurses. The majority of nurses have worked with each other for a long time, know each other outside of work, and have the same interests. At first, this doesn’t matter, but slowly, things start to get unfair. I often find myself on the crappy end of jobs, and one of them causes me do serious damage to my right wrist; I tear the tendons and am signed off work for a long time. This is where things get super bad, as my manager never reports the accident, which is something she gets in a lot of trouble for. When I eventually return, I am on very light duties, spending more time as a glorified receptionist than a nurse. The other nurses double-down on their disdain for me. I suddenly find myself even more left out than before, and any slight mistake is blown out of proportion. One of the nurses actually yells at me in front of trainees because I haven’t signed a cleaning sheet. When I complain to the head nurse, she says that I was in the wrong so tough, despite the fact I admitted to the mistake, but I am angry about the way it was handled. I cannot describe the misery I feel for the next six months, but luckily, I am able to find another job in a field that is as far removed from dentistry as possible. On the Monday morning after I get the contract for the new job, I approach the head nurse on clinic first thing before clinic starts.)

Me: “Morning, [Head Nurse], can I have a quick word with you?”

Head Nurse: “No, I’m going up for breakfast break now. It can wait.”

Me: “It can’t really; I won’t get time to talk to you about this before clinic starts, otherwise.”

Head Nurse: “Sorry, not happening.”

Me: *shouting across the clinic as she walks off* “Okay, I’ll leave my resignation letter here, then!”

(She d*** near sprinted back to me, asking if I was joking. I smiled, told her no, and handed her the letter before turning and going back to my duties. I was, at that time, the one who made all of the department appointments, organised clinics, and knew the brand-new booking system better than anyone else. That next month as I served my notice, watching the panic slowly dawn on them was the best!)

A coworker brought a Halloween cake in this year. It had orange frosting and was decorated like a jack-o-lantern with a mouth and eyes. When the cake was almost gone, the only thing left was one of the eyes. Our youngest coworker took the piece around to everyone saying, “The cake is an eye!”

Considering the age of most of our coworkers, I doubt anyone besides me got it.