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Late Night Foresight

, , , | Working | December 28, 2017

(I work at [Coffee Shop] as one of the closers. Almost every night, a girl comes in around ten minutes before closing. My coworkers hate it, but she’s always polite and tips, so I try to not be annoyed. Lately though, she’s been coming five minutes or less before closing, annoying my coworkers and managers. One night, she comes in at 9:59 and one of the workers who’s covering the closing but works mornings greets her.)

Coworker: “Hey! Back again for more coffee?”

(The customer blushes but nods, places her order, and leaves her usual tip. After she leaves my coworkers begin to talk.)

Coworker: “I get that we have to provide service until 10, but that doesn’t mean she can walk in at 9:59 for freaking coffee. What on earth does she need caffeine for at this time of night?”

Shift Coverer: “She’s actually a night chef. She works overnights and also has a second job across the street at [Restaurant] as a line cook. She probably needs all the caffeine she can get. Besides, at least she’s nice and has simple orders.”

(After that, it was a little hard to get mad at her for walking in so late and keeping us around an extra five minutes. And it taught me a lesson about judging.)

Tis The Season For Manflu

, , , , , , , | Friendly | December 27, 2017

(I had a cold a couple weeks ago and was endlessly relieved when I managed to not to pass it to my boyfriend, but he has managed to catch a different one from one of his coworkers. I’m at work the day after Christmas, a Monday when most people including my partner are off, and commiserating with my “work wife.” He is a man and I am a woman.)

Me: “There’s one advantage to being at work today. [Boyfriend] is definitely sick. At least I don’t have to be home listening to him complain about it.”

Coworker: “Silver lining!”

Me: “Yeah. I mean, you know I love him, but I love him a little less when he’s sick. He’s horrible.”

Coworker: “Whiny?”

Me: “Definitely not stoic at all.”

Coworker: “Well, of course not, sweetie. He’s a guy.” *laughs* “We’re all like that.”

(He’s the first one I’ve met who admits it!)

Overeating: It’s What The Holidays Are For

, , , , , | Working | December 26, 2017

(It’s a few days before Christmas, and it’s one of our VP’s birthdays. We all hear an announcement over the PA system that there is breakfast in our lunch room to celebrate the birthday and holidays. As I’ve already eaten, I remain at my desk. Multiple coworkers have already asked me why I’m not going, and I’ve told them I already ate. Most of them just keep walking, satisfied with my answer, but not this one.)

Coworker: “[My Name] let’s go! There’s food!”

Me: “But I already ate breakfast.”

Coworker: “So? Overeating! That’s the [company] way!”

When Jew People Become “You People”

, , , , , | Working | December 26, 2017

(As far as I know, I am the only Jewish employee at my location. It is two weeks before Christmas, and I’m cleaning out the dressing rooms when a coworker rushes up.)

Coworker: “[My Name]! I’ve been looking all over for you!”

Me: “What’s up?”

Coworker: “I need you to cover my shift on Christmas Eve! I waited too long to schedule my break so I NEED someone to cover for me.”

Me: “Sorry, no can do.”

Coworker: “Why not? You covered for me on Easter!”

Me: “I know, but I can’t do Christmas because—”

Coworker: “But you’re Jewish. Ugh, why are you people always so selfish?”

(For a minute I just stare at her; she seems to realize that she has just crossed a line, and her face turns bright red.)

Me: *coolly* “My dad’s family is Christian, so I spend Christmas with them because it’s one of the only times I get to see my grandparents. And even if I didn’t, I would go home anyway because my mom’s birthday is the 26th. I’ve already booked my flight, and I asked for the week off months ago.”

(She mumbles about finding someone else and rushes away. I don’t know if she found somebody to cover her on Christmas. What I do know is that I will NOT be covering her Easter shift next year. I have plenty of other coworkers who would appreciate the chance to spend the holiday with their kids.)

Friends That Drink Together, Stick Together

, , , , , | Friendly | December 25, 2017

(We draw names for a Secret Santa gift exchange at work. Two coworkers have been good friends for many years, predating their employment at our car dealership. They used to be housemates, hang out all the time, get their families together, have regular poker nights, take vacations together, etc. One of the best friends opens his present from [Coworker #1]. It is a bottle of his favorite Scotch. He is thrilled, and his best friend is intensely jealous. A few gifts later, it is the other friend’s turn to open his gift. He receives… a bottle of the same Scotch.)

Best Friend #1: ‘How did you know exactly what to get me?’

Coworker #1: “I asked [Best Friend #2].”

Best Friend #2: *to [Coworker #2]* “And how did you know what to get me?”

Coworker #2: “I asked [Best Friend #1].”

Best Friend #2: “So, we both knew the other was getting what we wanted, but not that we were getting the same thing?”

Coworker #2: “Apparently!”

(We all knew they’d probably end up drinking them together, anyway.)