(One of my coworkers is extremely incompetent. She does not understand how the business operates, anyone else’s jobs, or how to perform her own job. Unfortunately, she has protected status at my work. This conversation happened today.)

Boss: “[Coworker] has been complaining about you.”

Me: “Why?”

Boss: “She says you have been bullying her.”

Me: “Seriously? When?”

Boss: “Pointing out mistakes.”

Me: “Her mistakes cause problems for the company and my job. Her mistakes go on to be my problem to deal with. They cause problems for the customers that the customers call me about.”

Boss: “It doesn’t matter. I don’t want to hear it.”

(Effectively, I was just given permission to let hundreds of mistakes happen, told to accept the increasing of my own workload, and basically told to allow big problems with serious financial consequences for us and the customer to happen.)

(I have a chronic illness that requires daily medicine. I’m very open about this.)

Coworker: *on a rant* “…and you just don’t know what’s in medicine these days! They’re not natural, and we shouldn’t be taking them.”

Me: “You do realize who you’re talking to, right?”

Coworker: “If our time is up, our time is up, and taking prescriptions goes against that.”

Me: “Are you saying I should be dead right now?!”

Coworker: “Um…”

Me: “Wow…”

(I walk away rather than engage further. It takes me the rest of the day to cool off. A few days later…)

Coworker: “I think I’m getting sick. I think it’s a sinus infection.”

Me: “That sucks.”

Coworker: “I need to call my doctor and get an antibiotic. Maybe a steroid, too.”

Me: “Did you just say you’re calling a doctor for a prescription?”

Coworker: “Yeah, and?”

Me: *facepalm* “Never mind.”

(I’m one of the physically larger men in my office. One day, the office manager is going around gathering up the large men in the office to help with a task. Our office building, in addition, has common areas any of the tenants can use when extra space is needed.)

Me: “What’s going on, [Office Manager]?”

Office Manager: “We left some tables in the common area after yesterday’s event and the landlord is having a fit about it.”

Other Large Coworker: “So, what, we’re gonna beat his a**?”

Office Manager: *pause* “No, we’re going to move the tables.”

Coworker: “If these people are sent into endless spirals of paralyzing existential horror by having to choose between three kinds of turkey, why do we allow them to vote?”

(I’m sitting at the front desk of an assisted living facility, having just accepted a delivery of medication for a resident. One of my coworkers is standing at my desk messing with her own paperwork. I call another coworker on the phone to come get the delivery.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], I have drugs.”

Coworker: “Sweet! I love drugs! I’ll be down in a minute to get them. Yay, drugs!”

Me: “Yay, drugs!”

(Our other coworker stopped doing her paperwork to stare at me and I cracked up. The coworker I called and I have worked together for almost five years, so we’re on pretty friendly terms. The other coworker only started a few months ago. It’s okay; she’ll catch up.)