(One of my coworkers asks me to give him a ride, since his car got totaled while parked and he is waiting on the insurance payment to get another. I agree, drive over in the morning, and pick him up. Literally the moment he gets in the car, before he’s even put on the seatbelt, he pulls out a cigarette, sticks it in his mouth, and pulls out a lighter.)

Coworker: “You don’t mind if I smoke.”

(He doesn’t phrase it as a question, but as a flat statement.)

Me: “Yes, actually, I do. Please put that away.”

(He gives me a look like I just told him to pull down his pants or something. We end up in a stare-off for several seconds, with the cigarette still in his mouth.)

Me: “We are going nowhere until that cigarette is put away.”

(At that, he finally puts it away, swearing under his breath just loud enough for me to hear. I’m pissed at this point, but we are already running late, and I don’t want to deal with the fight of trying to get him to get out of the car, so I start driving. At one point, he starts reaching into his pocket again.)

Me: “If you pull that out, I will pull over and kick you out on the curb.”

(He stops, swearing more under his breath, and we finally get to the office. Rather than going to park, I pull up in front of the building and then point over towards the street where the bus stop is.)

Me: “There’s the bus. It’s only around a buck fifty or so for a one-way ticket.”

Coworker: “Huh?”

Me: “For when you need to get home tonight. Because I sure as h*** ain’t giving you a ride.”

(He scowled, climbed out, and slammed the door as hard as he could. I went to park, checked to make sure there wasn’t any damage, then went inside and headed straight to my boss to let her know what had happened. That turned out to be a good thing, as he did try to make up stories about me threatening him. Unfortunately for him, mild-mannered me threatening someone a head taller than I was way less believable than a grouchy smokestack like him not being able to go ten minutes without lighting up a cigarette.)

I was working behind the bar with an older lady. It was my first ever shift of my first ever job and management had just finished giving me a rundown of all of the drinks, etc. 

When my older coworker finished their shift, they took a seat at the end of the bar and ordered a large white wine.

I poured it and brought it over, when suddenly my coworker simpered and told me that she had ordered red. Fair enough, I thought, I must have misheard her. I asked her what I should do with the white wine, and she said, “Just pour it away!” so I did.

I fixed her drink and continued taking orders when my new manager came over and pulled me aside.

My new coworker had specifically called over the manager to tell them that I had thrown a glass of wine away instead of trying to pour it back into the bottle!

My manager just let me know not to do it again and I continued my shift in peace.

I am not looking forward to working with this new coworker.

(I am in the break room, hanging up a sign that my boss wants on the wall. I roll four pieces of tape on the back and hang it up, and then turn around to sit and start my lunch. A coworker comes in just as I smooth my hand over the sign, affixing it to the wall.)

Coworker: “How… did you do that?”

Me: “Do what?”

Coworker: “That sign. I don’t see how it’s hanging there… It’s just… hanging there.”

Me: “Tape?”

Coworker: “But where’s the tape? I don’t see it.”

Me: “It’s on the back?” *goes over and peels one of the corners off to show him where I rolled the tape*

Coworker: “Wow! I’ve never seen tape done like that!”

(He closely inspected how I’d rolled the tape and stuck the sign on, then wished me a good lunch and walked off. I guess… I have amazing taping skills? I thought taping things like that was common knowledge, but I guess not.)

(It’s the beginning of December. I’m ringing customers out.)

Me: “…and you are all set. Thank you, and have a merry Christmas!”

Customer #1: “Thanks! You, too!” *exits*

(My coworker, who is bagging for me, gives me a weird look.)

Me: “What?”

Coworker: “You’re supposed to say, ‘Happy Holidays.’”

Me: “I try to tailor my greetings to what the customer is buying. That guy was buying tree ornaments and lights, so I think it’s safe to say he celebrates Christmas.”

(Later, another customer walks up with multiple food items from our Hanukkah display. I ring her up.)

Me: “Thank you, and happy Hanukkah!”

Customer #2: “How’d you know? Oh, wait… I guess my groceries gave it away! Thank you, sweetie!” *exits*

Coworker: “You are supposed to say, ‘Happy Holidays’!”

Me: “When [Manager] tells me to stop, I will. Until then, don’t be a mini-[Manager].”

Coworker: *shouts across the store* “[Manager]! Do we say, ‘Merry Christmas,’ or, ‘Happy Holidays’?”

Manager: “Uh… I guess ‘Happy Holidays’ covers everything, but—”

Coworker: “Ha! Told you! Now you have to say, ‘Happy Holidays’!”

Me: “Is your goal for today to annoy me? If so, congrats, you’ve succeeded.”

Coworker: “You don’t have to be so b****y about it.”

Me: “Go bag somewhere else!”

(My coworker stomps off to the next register. Another customer walks up. I ring him up.)

Me: “Thank you, and have a nice day!”

Customer #3: “What, no ‘Merry Christmas’ or anything?”

Me: “…”

(One of the requirements for our job is that we undergo sexual harassment misconduct training every three years. We hired a new administrator two months ago, so she missed the course and will have to take the course on her own. She comes in one day while I’m making my coffee nearby.)

Coworker: “Huh. It would be nice if you could actually schedule that.”

Me: “What?”

Coworker: “This note on my desk: ‘[Coworker]: Sexual harassment at 11:00 Saturday.’ It would be nice if you knew in advance when the harassment was coming.”

(Yes, she knew what it really meant. I think she’s going to work out.)