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Making Sweepingly Bad Statements

, , , , , | Working | July 17, 2013

(I’m the closing supervisor and have just verified someone has finished their bi-weekly training. The training covers customer service, which includes not telling a customer ‘no’ without verification.)

Coworker: “Welcome to [Store]; how can we help you?”

Customer: “I’m looking for sweeping compound, lea—”

Coworker: “We don’t carry sweeping compound. What would you use it for? Kitty litter works fine.”

Customer: “I don’t need oil dry; I need sweeping compound.”

Coworker: “We don’t sell stupid s***.”

Me: *to my customer* “I’m sorry about this.” *to my coworker* “Go clock out and leave.” *to my customer again* “Sir, I apologize for how you’ve been treated. I’ll assist you today to get your list complete and then give you a 20% discount. Sweeping compound is right this way.”

(My coworker stomps off and calls the manager to say I was arguing with him and tried to fire him. The manager comes over as I am personally checking out the customer.)

Manager: “[My Name], need to talk quick.”

Me: “Sure.” *to the customer* “Thank you, sir, for being tolerant of us, and I hope to see you back.”

Customer: “Absolutely! Everyone else has been great.” *to the manager* “You hire the nicest, smartest girls here. Your grump could learn from them.”

Coworker: *seeing the customer leaving* “See! I told you we don’t carry that stupid s***!”

Manager: “[My Name], never mind. [Coworker], give me your keys.”

Coworker: “Why? I didn’t do anything wrong!”


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Coworkers In The Mist

| Working | June 15, 2013

(Two of my coworkers, a boy and girl, are both in their late teens/early twenties and… let’s just say, they’re a little rough around the edges. The boy runs one hand through his hair.)

Boy Coworker: “Ow. Oh, ow. Hey, [girl coworker], come and look at this.”

Girl Coworker: “What?”

Boy Coworker: “Just come and look.”

Girl Coworker: “What, you got a tick or something?”

Boy Coworker: “I dunno. Will you look?”

(The girl proceeds to look through his hair, chimpanzee-style.)

Girl Coworker: “This right here?”

Boy Coworker: “Ow! Yeah, what is it?”

Girl Coworker: “It’s a bump. Like a pimple.”

Boy Coworker: “Can you get it?”

Girl Coworker: “Yeah, hang on.”

Boy Coworker: “Ow. Ow. Ow! Anything come out?”

Girl Coworker: “Little bit…”

(She proceeds to squirt some hand-sanitizer on her hands and goes about her day. Thank god there were no customers in the store, but I wish there were brain bleach to erase that memory.)

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She’ll Have Nonna His Lip

, , , | Working | March 18, 2013

(We have a kiosk in the back of the store that allows customers to shop and order online items. There is an elderly customer with her young granddaughter trying to work the system. I’m working on the computer attempting to fix a glitch, while my new coworker stands there doing nothing. He looks at the elderly customer and says…)

Coworker: “Aw, geez, that’s going to take forever!”

Me: “You could, you know… help her? It’s kinda what we’re here for.”

Coworker:  “Seriously? We have to help old hags figure out how to use an Internet browser? That wasn’t in MY job description!”

(The elderly woman hears my new coworker and flinches at his rude comments. As it isn’t busy, I go over and help her. Over the next half hour, I help her find what she wants and purchase it, while her young granddaughter shows amazing patience for a child her age.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, everything seems to be in order! Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Oh, no, my dear! You’ve been amazing! Thank you so much!”

(To my astonishment, the customer’s young grandaughter wraps her arms around my leg and hugs it tightly.)

Granddaughter: *to me* “You’re a very very nice people. No one helped my Nonna like that today. Nonna said nice peoples need hugs!”

(I’m left speechless.The granddaughter then lets go of my leg, walks up to my coworker, and suddenly kicks him HARD in the shin.)

Coworker: “OW! What was that for?!”

Granddaughter: “You’re a mean people. Nonna says mean peoples don’t need hugs!”

Customer: *beaming* “There’s a good girl!”

(The two of them left, giving me their thanks while my new coworker glowered at me. That moment made my year!)

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What The Sell Is Her Problem

, , , | Working | January 3, 2013

(This is my second weekend working the races and selling tickets. I’m helping a gentleman find the restrooms with the racetrack’s booklet map, which I’ve been handing out to visitors.)

Coworker: “Don’t do that.”

Me: “…Excuse me?”

Coworker: “You’re not supposed to actually help people, just sell them s***.”

(I ignore my coworker and finish helping the gentleman.)

Me: “Is there anything else you need help with, sir?”

Gentleman: “Don’t let this old crow tell you how to do your job, sweetheart. You’re doing a great job!” *leaves*

Coworker: “You’re just supposed to sell them s***, not actually help!”

 

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Putting The Squeeze On Stupid

, , , , , | Working | December 30, 2012

(I am talking to some of my coworkers about how I want to get a pet snake. I have always loved snakes and have been considering getting one for a while.)

Me: “I think I want to get a ball python, because they don’t get very big, but I would love a boa!”

Coworker: “Why the h*** do you want a snake?”

Me: “Uh, because I like them.”

Coworker: “Wouldn’t you rather have a ferret or a hamster?”

Me: “You’re acting like I have no choice, like it’s a snake or nothing.”

Coworker: “Well, I hope that when you get that snake, it bites you and injects you with poison!”

(Most of my coworkers go silent at that point. They all know I have a bit of a temper. But, instead, I start to laugh.)

Me: “Seriously? Do you have any idea what you are talking about? First of all, it’s not poison; it is venom. Secondly, pythons and boas don’t have venom. They are constrictors, hence the name ‘Boa Constrictor.’ If you are going to be a jerk, at least sound intelligent when you do it!”

(My coworker wouldn’t talk to me for almost a week after that. Now, six months and a new job later, I’ve got my first baby ball python!)


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