I work in a doctor’s office. Part of my job is calling people forty-eight hours before their appointment to make sure they will be there. For weeks, I’ve been getting responses like these.

Patient #1: “What? I didn’t schedule anything!”

Patient #2: “How odd… It’s not in my calendar.”

Patient #3: “Really? Man, I totally spaced.”

[Patient #4] just starts yelling about my incompetence.

Patient #5: “I did not schedule that. You will cancel it. Now.”

Patient #6: “I know I scheduled that, but I can’t make it… sorry.”

Just patients being airheads, right? Well… not quite. I walk in on my coworker using the scheduling software. She isn’t on the phone, and there isn’t a patient at the window.

Me: “What are you doing?”

Coworker: “Making appointments.”

Me: “Without the patient?”

Coworker: “Why not? Half the people around here are too demented to remember their own birthdays. Besides, if they don’t show up, we get to charge a late fee. Win-win.”

I was speechless. I realized that the rage and confusion that had been directed at me for the past several weeks was justified. I said nothing to my coworker and instead went to the doctor. When he saw what she was doing, he fired her on the spot.

This story is part of our Best Of January 2021 roundup!

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At work, I am the “young guy” to call when a printer doesn’t work. Nine times out of ten, one of the older guys is trying to print on the wrong size or it just needs resetting. However, as most of the team is part of an older generation, I quickly become the font of all knowledge for IT, even though I don’t know what I am doing 90% of the time.

I don’t mind; the guys are always appreciative, and they’re understanding when I can’t fix it and have to call the real IT guys. And I am learning lots from them.

This goes on fine until our office is merged. One of the workers who move to our office is a woman who is only in her late forties but treats all technology as alien. She will cuss and bang her keyboard and sarcastically state how “great all this modern technology is.” 

I admit, [Worker] gets under my skin from the word go; I am grateful that she works for another team and I can (try to) tune her out.

A few weeks in, I hear her talking with someone about some issue she has.

Worker: “Oh, is he our local IT guy? I didn’t know that.”

I know what is happening and, despite there being some sort of desperate hushed clarification attempted, I know [Worker] has decided that I am the go-to for all of her issues.

Nothing happens for a few more days, but then she attempts to summon me to her desk, a feat made more painful as she doesn’t bother to learn my name. Eventually, I give in and walk over.

Worker: “Listen, I am having an issue with this program. It’s not saving where I want it to. How do we fix that?”

Me: “Well, I’m no expert on these things, but I would suggest using ‘Save As,’ rather than saving on closing. That should give you control every time.”

Worker: “I have no idea what you are talking about; you will have to show me.”

Me: “Okay, I can do it this time. I don’t work for IT but I can point it out.”

I show her the big, named button. She seems unimpressed.

Worker: “Okay, I guess I will try that.”

She turns away from me and I gratefully leave her desk.

This happens on and off for the next few weeks. Each time, I repeat that I don’t work in IT or just give her the helpline number. I have taken to wearing headphones, as is allowed in our office. This seems to work until one day when I feel something whiz by my head. I jolt up, whipping my headphones off.

Worker: “Oh, good. You’re paying attention. I can’t get this to print.”

Me: “Did you just throw something at me?”

Worker: “It didn’t hit you. Now, come on, snap snap. I need this printed.”

I thought of all the things I could say and instead just walked out of the office. I kept waking to calm down. I must have been really out of it as I missed three calls from my boss. By the time I’d collected myself, I rang him back but couldn’t get hold of him. I reluctantly went back to my desk.

The office was largely empty, which was very, very odd. I checked I hadn’t missed a meeting. For the next hour, I was slightly paranoid that I should be somewhere else. I got a phone call from my boss; he wanted to see me in Human Resources.

It turns out that someone had complained about [Worker] throwing things at me; she’d made some pretty serious accusations about me when questioned. This meant several more of the team were brought in to confirm. When she was brought back the second time, she repeated her claims, this time going on and on about how, as “IT,” I wasn’t doing my job, I was lazy, I was unprofessional, etc. She even admitted knowing that I didn’t work for IT but thought I should do it anyway.

She was eventually removed from the office and stuck in some dingy below-ground office somewhere. I’ve never had to deal with her since.

This story is part of our Best Of January 2021 roundup!

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It’s the late 1980s, early in my career, when I land a position with a small agricultural company. Most of the products — specifically live animals — are shipped around the globe, so organizing transportation to the customers is a critical function. The guy who has been doing this Logistics and Traffic role for years is d*** good at his job.

In my first weeks of employment, I also quickly discover that he is an extremely gruff, opinionated, and sometimes blunt individual — what would now be called an “office bully.” He is known to engage in shouting matches with other staff in the hallways, for example. During my first few months, I do not have much need to interact with him so I am able to keep my distance.

One day, my manager informs me that the company wants to send me on a trip to one of our subsidiaries in another country. Since [Logistics Guy] also handles company travel bookings, I have to go make arrangements with him. Cue the “Jaws” music in the background.

After I give him the dates and destination, he grabs a notepad and starts to put together an itinerary. This part goes well as he acts more or less professional and offers tips and advice as we discuss the options. When I mention that my manager told me to have him book a rental car at the destination, he suddenly explodes like a hand grenade. He starts throwing the papers in the air and loudly berating me for such a request.

Logistics Guy: “Everyone else who goes down there gets the local manager to pick them up at the airport! You don’t need a g**d*** rental car! Waste of company money! Forget about it!”

When this tantrum hits full stride, I make a decision that is either going to cost me my job or deal with this guy head-on. I look him straight in the eyes, and in the strongest voice I could summon, I say:

Me: “Shut up! Just shut the h*** up! If you have an issue with any of the arrangements I have requested, go speak to [Manager]! Otherwise, just do as I have asked and let me know when you are done!”

Before he can pick his lower jaw up off his desk, I look at him with the coldest eyes possible and add:

Me: “And do not, I repeat do not ever, ever treat me in this way again!”

As I stood up and turned to go, he grumbled briefly in a low voice but I was not listening. I shook like a leaf on the way back to my desk, wondering what kind of crapstorm might be in store for me. But an hour or so later, he came by my desk and tossed a copy of the itinerary on my desk with a growl that sounded like, “Here you go.”

My manager never came and talked to me about the blow-up, so I guess what is said in Logistics stayed in Logistics. For the rest of my two years there, we never avoided each other, but he never tried to bully me at any time, either.

Fast forward almost a decade later. I took a new position with a similar company not far from my former job. On my orientation tour, we stepped into the Logistics office and who should I meet but [Logistics Guy]. By then, he seemed to have mellowed quite a bit and was calm and professional any time I saw him in the office. That I was glad to see, and we never discussed our past history.

He retired a few years later, but I always remember that he — unintentionally — taught me the value of not taking any s*** from office bullies.

I unwittingly take a job that was hotly contested by many of the people that already worked there.

After a few months of proving myself, many of those who’ve been cold to me come around, seeing what I can do, and accept that I was a better choice.

I eventually make many friends in that company — all but one person.

Before I was hired, [Coworker] thought that the job was hers; she had been here the longest, and in her mind, she was the glue that held the team together. Actually, most of her job is administrative, helping out here and there.

She takes this out on me, being cold and distant, not passing on or withholding information, and criticising my decisions. She takes delight in going to my boss and complaining about anything she can. These complaints are mostly untrue and I just provide evidence that completely shows I am in the right. But [Coworker] thinks she is winning some sort of game.

One thing she does “get” me on was my USB stick. I bought my own and use it for work, not realising that in the company policy, this is deemed a security risk. 

Little does she know that this will be the start of her own downfall.

I talk to my boss about the USB drive.

Boss: “It’s an old policy that doesn’t really apply anymore. In fact, most of the management team, including me, uses a personal USB stick out of necessity on our old systems. I don’t feel right disciplining you about this.”

Then, he goes to the IT manager.

Boss: “I need you to write both [My Name] and myself an exemption so that we’ll be in the clear until the policy is changed.”

I go back to my desk, pretending nothing happened. I make a bit of a show of taking out my USB and placing it on my desk where [Coworker] can see.

After a busy day, I return to my desk to find the USB missing. I know where I left it, and I haven’t used it since. Someone must have moved it. I panic; it has over forty hours of work on it with no way to recover it. In desperation, I ask the team. They haven’t been in the office all day; only [Coworker] has and she has gone home for the afternoon. 

Stealing seems a bit far-fetched, even for her, so with the team’s help, I turn the office over twice before going back to my boss. He gets the maintenance team to open her desk, and sitting on top is my USB. I plug it in to prove it is mine and maintenance closes her drawer.

With all the interruptions, I end up finishing two hours late. As I leave, I’m surprised to see my boss’s light still on.

The next day, [Coworker] is in on time — not unusual — but an hour later, my boss asks us to come into the office and explains that [Coworker] is currently off work and no one is to contact her. 

It turns out that the USB was last in a long line of issues since not getting the job. She had started to complain about everyone and her work was getting worse. When she was brought in to human resources this morning, she lied about everything, complained, and blamed it all on others, ultimately leaving the company no other option but to let her go.

In the office kitchen, bright and early, I am pouring myself a mug of coffee. There are three others in the kitchen with me.

Coworker #1: “I smell lavender. Do you?”

All agree but me as I put the pot back on the warming plate.

Coworker #1: “Do you smell it?”

The question is now directed at me and I turn, shrugging.

Me: “I don’t know. I can’t smell.”

Coworker #2: “What?!”

Me: “Yeah. I’ve never had taste or smell my whole life.”

I move to leave but [Coworker #2] shrieks.

Coworker #2: “YOU CAN’T TASTE?”

Me: “Nope. I’ve never tasted anything ever.”

Coworker #2: “You could have [rapidly spreading illness]!”

Me: *Pause* “No. I’ve never had the sense. I didn’t lose it. I don’t have [illness].”

Coworker #2: “You’re hiding symptoms.”

Me: “Wait. What? No.”

[Coworker #2] staggered away from me in fear (everyone was wearing a mask in the kitchen and in the workplace) and disappeared down the hall. Within minutes, an [illness] trace was started by our Compliance Officer until the other coworkers who’d heard the kitchen conversation quickly stepped in to tell about what had happened and about my disability.

It took a bit for the hysteria to die down and gossip flew around the office for days afterward. [Coworker #2] avoided me to protect herself from [illness] and I just did my best to keep working.

The lavender turned out to be a box of cupcakes, hidden for an afternoon birthday celebration.