To be honest, I don’t like one particular coworker. She just irritates me on every level. She is inconsiderate, bossy, and plain rude. What is more irritating is that she sees nothing wrong with the way she behaves and no one seems to call her out on it.

I bring some cakes into the office for my birthday. I am setting them in the breakroom, which, of course, attracts everyone’s attention.

Coworker: “These look great, thanks.”

Rude Coworker: “You’re welcome.”

My coworker shoots me a look that seems to say, “What the f***?”

Coworker: “I was talking to [My Name], actually.”

Rude Coworker: “Oh, he says you’re welcome, too.”

[Coworker] takes a cake and leaves, and I start to unbox the cakes. [Rude Coworker] starts to take them out of the wrappers and put them on plates.

Me: “I don’t think people want you touching their food.”

Rude Coworker: “Oh, please! I’m sure they won’t mind.”

Me: “Okay, let me rephrase that. Don’t touch my cakes. I brought them in and didn’t ask for your help.”

Rude Coworker: “Oh, you’re being silly.”

Me: “No, I’m telling you to stop.”

She flustered and pouted but eventually left. She later raised a complaint. But thankfully, after I explained, nothing else came of it. She tried to get some of the staff to turn against me, but no one likes her, so it came to nothing, too.

My coworker is a chore to work with. Ask him to do anything he doesn’t deem “his job” and he refuses. I have actually watched him not report a smoldering fire because he was going on his break. He just said, “I am entitled to a break; someone will sort it out.”

I think he thinks he is some great hero of the people, fighting some bourgeoisie. In reality, it is a small family business, and his stupid behaviour makes people dislike him.

Christmas is coming up and I am putting in some extra hours to earn some extra cash. All hours are posted on a notice board; I’m happy to see that I’m scheduled again for both shifts. 

Coworker: “How come you got overtime again?”

Me: “I can run [machine]; that’s where the work is.”

Coworker: “How come you got training? I wasn’t offered training!”

I sigh as this is going to be another of his outbursts to deal with.

Me: “I got training as I volunteered to help set the machine up. I also took the time to read the manual, which is available to everyone and still is.”

Coworker: “Well, I could have done that!”

Me: “Yes, but you didn’t, did you? We needed as many volunteers as we could; instead, we spent a whole weekend struggling.”

Coworker: “I didn’t know I would get overtime out of it!”

Me: “None of us did. We volunteered because they asked us and it needed to be done. Maybe if you helped out more, they would—”

Coworker: *Cutting me off* “This isn’t right. I’m being discriminated against. I’m speaking to [Manager]!”

I can only assume they told him to shut up and get back to work, as he reappeared moments later. [Coworker] never got on the overtime sheet, but he complained all the way up to Christmas about it, still not actually making any effort to learn the jobs that were in high demand.

I have a coworker who fancies himself a handyman. The trouble is, because he leads a very busy life — in addition to having a full-time job, he’s the father of two young boys and coaches junior-high soccer — he has trouble finding the time to handle construction projects.

One day, he announces that he is going to install an in-ground pool at his house himself. All of his coworkers are a bit worried, because that’s a huge job. He waves away our concerns.

Coworker: “I can do it, and it’ll be a lot cheaper than hiring a company.”  

At the beginning of the summer of 2014:

Coworker: “I’ve started working on the pool.”

At the end of 2014:

Coworker:  “I didn’t manage to finish the pool.”

At the end of 2015:

Coworker: “Still working on the pool.”

Mid-summer 2016:

Coworker: “I finished the pool!”

Mid-summer 2017:

Coworker: “My pool is leaking.”

At the end of summer 2017:

Coworker: “I fixed the pool.”

At the beginning of summer 2018:

Coworker: “My pool is leaking again.”

At the end of summer 2018:

Coworker:  “I fixed the pool.”

Then, one day, a few months later:

Coworker: “My wife wants to put in new front steps, and she wants to hire a company to do it. I keep telling her that I’ll do it. Why on earth would she want to hire someone?”

Everyone: “BECAUSE SHE WANTS IT DONE FAST AND DONE RIGHT THE FIRST TIME?”

Coworker: “Shut up.”

A coworker, a seventy-year-old woman, has just finished her last day before retiring. She has said her goodbyes and is walking out through the lobby, still in her uniform. A customer approaches her and snaps her fingers.

Customer: “Tell me where Hall B is.”

My coworker snaps her fingers in the customer’s face.

Coworker: “Try again, this time with manners.”

The customer did not try again and my coworker is loving her retirement!

This story is part of our Best Of May 2021 roundup!

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I work in the housewares department of a well-known Canadian supermarket. I am frequently called to identify products that have lost their tags. Preferably, this is done over the phone, so I don’t have to walk across the entire store to see it in person. However, some of my colleagues are not very good at descriptions.

Colleague: “I have a return that’s lost its code. It’s a [Store Brand] product. It’s wet inside.”

My department includes appliances. The number of things that could be wet inside from normal use is high; the number of things that could be wet inside from ABNORMAL use is higher. It was an oil-and-vinegar bottle.

My favourite so far has to be this.

Colleague: “This lady got a fake plant from one of the display tables; she said it was the last one.”

Me: “Can you describe it for me? What kind of pot is it in? Does it have flowers?”

Colleague: “It’s got green leaves?”

It was a three-foot-tall fake fig tree, but sure. “It’s got green leaves.”