I am on-site replacing RAM for one of the finance guys at my workplace. Today, he and I just match outfits. We both have short brown hair, we’re relatively skinny and the same build, and we’re both wearing white shirts and black pants.

He leaves to let me replace his RAM. I go under the desk to start opening up the computer.

A sales lady walks in to talk to the finance guy, not realizing he has left and she’s actually talking to me under the desk.

Sales Lady: “What are you doing, you idiot?”

I have been called WAY worse on the job, so I just go along with it. It doesn’t bother me.

Me: *A little confused* “Replacing the RAM in this computer?”

Sales Lady: “Yeah, you ram that RAM in there!”

Her tone implies a sexual joke.

Me: *Smirking* “You don’t know who you’re talking to, do you?”

The lady sits down on the chair for customers and pulls out her phone.

Sales Lady: “I know who I’m talking to, you freaking weirdo.”

I pop my head up from behind the desk with a huge smile on my face. The sales lady gasps, her face looking like she just witnessed a murder.

Sales Lady: “OH, MY GOD! I’M SO SORRY I DIDN’T REALIZE… YOU AND HE ARE BOTH IN THE SAME OUTFIT! I’M SO, SO, SO SORRY!”

I just laughed my a** off. Then, it got better: the other guy walked in and looked SUPER confused. I lost it. I was on the ground, weak as h***.

Once she explained the situation that had just ensued and we all had a good laugh, I finished ramming the RAM in there and went on my way once he was booted up and good to go. It was just so perfect. It made my day.

I’m good at my job. I never make mistakes, I’m never late or sick, and I get on well with everyone including my manager, who has been coaching me to move up in the company. So, when I get passed over for promotion, which instead went to [Coworker], who has been here for a shorter time than I have and appears to do no work, I am annoyed. But when she tries to force me to do work that she is supposed to be doing now, I am angry.

I refuse all the extra work and stop all the extra jobs I am doing around my own job. She tries to discipline me, but I am doing all my actual work, I am never late, I keep a clean record, etc. It doesn’t work.

Now she has to do all her own work and has nowhere to hide. Things start to fall apart a little; mistakes are being made and things keep getting missed. She keeps making excuses and blaming everyone apart from herself.

It isn’t long before she goes off “sick,” and I am asked if I can “fill in”. I decline at first but am convinced into it. I run things well for a month before she comes back.

Coworker: “What’s this?”

Me: “Monthly report, something that was put in place while you were off. I can show you how to fill it in, if you like?”

Coworker: “Well, seeing as you already know how to do it, you may as well keep it.”

She tried to do this for everything I tried to show her, basically how to do her own job! She again tried to get me in trouble, and yet again she was told that she had to do her own work. Cue another bout of “sickness,” at which point she was told that she could step down from the role at any point. She refused and told them that it was my fault! I had messed everything up while she was off and it was such a mess she couldn’t cope.

Of course, no one believed her. Eventually, when she came back to work, they sacked her for her performance. As I was pretty much already doing the job, I was offered the promotion.

One of my earliest jobs was working the checkout and floor in a branch of a popular DIY and homewares store in the UK. We had a pretty lax policy on returns: if the customer had a receipt, then they could return any goods for any reason within thirty days provided that they were in resellable condition. If customers were outside of that window or didn’t have their receipt, they could exchange the goods for a store credit for the lowest price within the last thirty days at the time of the return.

Some “customers” were notorious for scamming us on this policy. One family in particular would regularly wait for the shop to get busy, take an expensive item off the shelf when nobody was looking, and then “return it” at the customer service desk for a store credit. Everybody knew they did this, so I never did understand why they were allowed to get away with it.

I had given the shop my notice and was on one of my last days when I saw the scammers enter the shop empty-handed. I thought, “Screw it,” turned off my checkout, and followed them through the store at a discreet distance.

After watching them take a large boxed item from a shelf and then join the queue for the customer service desk, I swiftly moved over and had a hushed conversation with my colleague running it.

Me: “[Coworker], you have that family who keeps scamming us in the queue. I watched them take that box off the shelf; do not return it for them.”

Coworker: *Looking a bit worried* “Oh, okay. Can you go let the manager know that we need them, please?”

I quickly walked off and found the manager in their office and brought them up to speed on what was happening.

Manager: “Okay, thanks, [My Name]. I’m going to review the cameras for the last twenty minutes and confirm what you said.”

Me: “Okay, do you want me to tell [Coworker] to ask them to wait, or will you call them?”

Manager: “No, do nothing. I want to check the footage first.”

Me: “There were only two people ahead of them in the queue when I left. They might already be getting served now! I told you, I literally followed them. I am a witness to them stealing and I am happy to tell the police that. Can’t you check the footage afterward?”

Manager: “No, I need to do it now. Also, it’s getting busy; you should be on a checkout. Go back and start serving customers again.”

Me: “Well, okay, I’ll leave it with you.”

I left the office and started serving customers again as instructed. After about twenty minutes, it was the end of my shift, so I got ready to go and stopped by the customer service desk to find out what happened.

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], did we finally get those scammers, then?”

Coworker: “No, I processed their return.”

Me: “What?! Why?!”

Coworker: “Well, I never heard back from the manager until a few minutes ago. You were right; they didn’t come in with that box. But what else could I do? They were right in front of me asking for the return! I couldn’t say no without evidence!”

Me: “Yes, you could have! I was the evidence. I told you and [Manager] that I literally watched them take it off a shelf. How was that not enough?!”

As [Coworker] was getting upset I just said my goodbyes and left for the night. During my next and final shift, my manager told me that they watched the footage and I was right; they definitely had scammed us. Imagine my shock.

I did a Secret Santa at work a few years back. Most put a lot of effort into it, trying to get their person something nice, but clearly, a few people just did the minimum. Some clearly didn’t spend the amount they were supposed to. The worst was mine: I got a cheap mug with, “Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee,” written on it, despite it being well known in the office that I don’t drink coffee. It felt like a cheap shot and low effort.

The following year, I declined, and it happened again; there were a few crappy presents (of course) and one really cheap one.

The next year, everyone was reminded that it was a £10 gift, and no one was being forced to participate if they couldn’t afford to or didn’t want to. But it happened again. This gift clearly had the £2.99 price tag from a charity shop still attached. Everyone was annoyed. I think someone gave up their present to the person who got the dud.

This year, we hear that Secret Santa will not go ahead. Then, after some petitioning from some, it is back on but with a warning that anyone caught intentionally not following the spirit of the event will face consequences.

I decide to give it another go. My giftee loves a certain rock band. I find a bargain signed poster that just needs reframing. He is going to love it.

Close to Christmas, everyone goes to the big meeting room. There is a pile of presents and the manager starts handing them out. We get about two-thirds through the names when I’m called up. I open my present to find a big box of chocolates — a little boring, but whatever. I open them up to try them only to find a bar of soap inside.

Me: “I don’t get it.”

Coworker #1: “Is everything okay?”

Me: “It’s a bar of soap and some empty wrappers.”

Coworker #1: “Maybe there has been a mixup?”

Manager: “What’s going on?”

Coworker #1: “[My Name] got an empty box of chocolates.”

Manager: “Okay. Just in case there has been some genuine mistake, please, can whoever bought this come forward? I’m sure you will want to swap it for the real present.”

No one comes forward.

Manager: “Perhaps you will want to apologise? And give [My Name] the £10 at a later date, instead?”

No one moves. A couple of people seem to think this is hilarious

Manager: *Sighs* “Okay, fine. Can everyone go and stand by the person you bought for?”

With some complaining, everyone eventually stands by someone. Only [Coworker #2], one of the younger guys in the office, stands alone.

Manager: “[Coworker #2]?”

Coworker #2: “What? It was funny.”

Manager: “No one forced you to join in.”

Coworker #2: “I know! But it was funny. You should have seen your face when you opened that box expecting chocolate.” *Mocking me* “‘Oh, I don’t understand.’”

Manager: “A word, now.”

It’s pretty awkward after that. The manager doesn’t come back for ages. We decide to keep handing out presents. We eventually head back to our desks; [Coworker #2] is sulking at his.

The Christmas party is later that day. I go to find no [Coworker #2]. He always shows up to get as drunk as possible.

Manager: “I couldn’t write [Coworker #2] up; he didn’t really break any of the rules. But I did make sure he knew he wouldn’t be welcome here tonight. And if he’s not here, I suppose someone has to have his share of the drinks.”

I drank my free drinks and [Coworker #2]’s, and a few other people gave me theirs, too. We had a great night, especially without [Coworker #2] there. He was pretty unpopular for a while.

Although I would never admit it, I don’t mind too much if someone calls when I’m on holiday. I just don’t answer it if I don’t want to talk to them. Most people only ring if it’s an emergency and they know I answer when I can.

It’s close to Christmas, and I get a phone call from an unknown number. I’m expecting a delivery so I answer it. 

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name]! It’s [Coworker]. From work!”

Me: “Oh, hey, [Coworker]. I’m actually on holiday, so…”

Coworker: “Good news! You won a prize in the raffle.”

Me: “Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. So, what did I win?”

Coworker: “Some flowers!”

Me: “Oh, yeah, great. Since I’m not in, do you want to see if anyone else wants them?”

Coworker: “Well, my wife would like them.”

It all makes sense. [Coworker] never would ring me. He must have figured out he could get them for free. I bet he pretends he bought them.

Me: “Sure, [Coworker], whatever.”

Coworker: “Oh, great. Thank you!”

I set my phone down and do something else. My wife calls through from the other room.

Wife: “Your phone is ringing.”

Me: “Does it end in [numbers]?”

Wife: “Yeah.”

Me: “That will be work. I’ll leave it.”

Wife: “You’ve had three missed calls already.”

I answer it, reluctantly.

Coworker: “Hi, it’s [Coworker] again. [Boss] said the prizes weren’t transferable. Said you won it so I couldn’t have it.

Me: “Okay, well, leave it on my desk, then.”

Coworker: “But they will die.”

Me: “Put them in water? I don’t know. I don’t care, really.”

Coworker: “Fine, I guess.”

I eventually went back to work. Thankfully, it looks like the cleaners tidied the flowers up before I got back.

Someone told me later that the flowers weren’t even expensive; they were the cheapest bunch you could buy. [Coworker] interrupted my holiday so he could give his wife a £2 bunch of flowers.