Literally Grabbed Himself A Steal

, | Friendly | August 13, 2014

(My workmates and myself decided to treat ourselves to a day at the races. Afterwards we went over to have a few drinks at the hotel across the road. I am talking with a couple of coworkers when one walks off without a word, bends down, and comes back to us.)

Coworker #1: “Look what I found.” *holds up expensive sunglasses*

Coworker #2: “Where did you find them? They look really good.”

Coworker #1: “They fell off some guy’s head ages ago. I waited for ages for him to walk away. Was hoping that no one else got them before I did.”

(I just stood open-mouthed.)

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Turning Water Into Wine, And Wine Into Excuses

, , | Working | January 18, 2014

(We’re talking about when to schedule the next staff meeting to maximize the number of people that will attend. My coworker is atheist.)

Me: “What about Sunday morning?”

Coworker: “No way. Everyone would be hungover from Saturday night, plus they could just say they have church. Even I’d use that excuse!”

Me: “Oh yeah? Which church would you suddenly be a part of?”

Coworker: “The Church of Jesus-Christ-I’m-Hungover!”

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Coworkers In The Mist

| Working | June 15, 2013

(Two of my coworkers, a boy and girl, are both in their late teens/early twenties and… let’s just say, they’re a little rough around the edges. The boy runs one hand through his hair.)

Boy Coworker: “Ow. Oh, ow. Hey, [girl coworker], come and look at this.”

Girl Coworker: “What?”

Boy Coworker: “Just come and look.”

Girl Coworker: “What, you got a tick or something?”

Boy Coworker: “I dunno. Will you look?”

(The girl proceeds to look through his hair, chimpanzee-style.)

Girl Coworker: “This right here?”

Boy Coworker: “Ow! Yeah, what is it?”

Girl Coworker: “It’s a bump. Like a pimple.”

Boy Coworker: “Can you get it?”

Girl Coworker: “Yeah, hang on.”

Boy Coworker: “Ow. Ow. Ow! Anything come out?”

Girl Coworker: “Little bit…”

(She proceeds to squirt some hand-sanitizer on her hands and goes about her day. Thank god there were no customers in the store, but I wish there were brain bleach to erase that memory.)

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She’ll Have Nonna His Lip

, , , | Working | March 18, 2013

(We have a kiosk in the back of the store that allows customers to shop and order online items. There is an elderly customer with her young granddaughter trying to work the system. I’m working on the computer attempting to fix a glitch, while my new coworker stands there doing nothing. He looks at the elderly customer and says…)

Coworker: “Aw, geez, that’s going to take forever!”

Me: “You could, you know… help her? It’s kinda what we’re here for.”

Coworker:  “Seriously? We have to help old hags figure out how to use an Internet browser? That wasn’t in MY job description!”

(The elderly woman hears my new coworker and flinches at his rude comments. As it isn’t busy, I go over and help her. Over the next half hour, I help her find what she wants and purchase it, while her young granddaughter shows amazing patience for a child her age.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, everything seems to be in order! Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Oh, no, my dear! You’ve been amazing! Thank you so much!”

(To my astonishment, the customer’s young grandaughter wraps her arms around my leg and hugs it tightly.)

Granddaughter: *to me* “You’re a very very nice people. No one helped my Nonna like that today. Nonna said nice peoples need hugs!”

(I’m left speechless.The granddaughter then lets go of my leg, walks up to my coworker, and suddenly kicks him HARD in the shin.)

Coworker: “OW! What was that for?!”

Granddaughter: “You’re a mean people. Nonna says mean peoples don’t need hugs!”

Customer: *beaming* “There’s a good girl!”

(The two of them left, giving me their thanks while my new coworker glowered at me. That moment made my year!)

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What The Sell Is Her Problem

, , , | Working | January 3, 2013

(This is my second weekend working the races and selling tickets. I’m helping a gentleman find the restrooms with the racetrack’s booklet map, which I’ve been handing out to visitors.)

Coworker: “Don’t do that.”

Me: “…Excuse me?”

Coworker: “You’re not supposed to actually help people, just sell them s***.”

(I ignore my coworker and finish helping the gentleman.)

Me: “Is there anything else you need help with, sir?”

Gentleman: “Don’t let this old crow tell you how to do your job, sweetheart. You’re doing a great job!” *leaves*

Coworker: “You’re just supposed to sell them s***, not actually help!”

 

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