Named And Shamed

, , , , | Working | December 11, 2017

(Our work environment is pretty casual, and most everyone has a nickname of some sort, while several of the guys go by nicknames exclusively for the most part. One of these guys is someone who doesn’t often have cause to interact with clients or partners, which is what typically prompts us to use real names out of professionalism. One day, I need his help with something for a potential client.)

Me: *e-mailing the client and copying my coworker on it* “Hi! So I think we’ll be able to work something out. Let me introduce you to [Real Name] who knows more about the topic than I do and can get you started.”

Nicknamed Coworker: *in a private e-mail* “Hey, did you mean to copy someone else? Who’s [Real Name]? Did we hire someone new in my department?”

Nicknamed Coworker: *in another private e-mail sent less than a minute later* “I forgot that I am [Real Name].”

(He didn’t live that one down for a while.)

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Adding Insult To Injury

, , , , , | Working | December 10, 2017

(I’m a security manager for a large building with both office and industrial areas. One of my workers falls on a stairwell. Per protocol, I contact HR as soon as I’m aware of the incident.)

HR: “Okay, so we have three options: The officer can see a doctor now. You’ll have to transport him, and get him drug-tested, too. Or he can choose to wait to seek treatment. And finally, he can refuse any kind of treatment altogether.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll let him know.”

HR: “The last option is the best one for us. I’d recommend using your best ‘Mom voice’ when you tell him the choices.”

Me: “Are you sure that’s okay?”

HR: “He’s probably fine. We’ve already had several OSHA incidents this year, so I’d rather not do the paperwork on another one.”

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I Got 299 Problems But My Manager Ain’t One

, , , , , , , | Working | December 9, 2017

(A customer brings a pair of shoes to the front with no price tag, so I use our store headset to ask one of my coworkers to check for it.)

Coworker: *via headset* “It’s $2.99.”

Me: “For a pair of shoes? That can’t be right. Let me get [Nice Manager].”

Coworker: “He’s on break, so it’s just [Manager I don’t like]. Maybe the shoes are on clearance. Look, all I know is that what our database says.”

Me: “Okay… If you say so. You’re sure?”

Coworker: “You know, it’s a little insulting you keep asking me if I’m sure. I have 20/20 vision, and I’m going to [Local University]. I’m pretty sure I know what I’m doing.”

Me: “Okay, okay, sorry.”

(I adjust the price, regardless of my doubts. When you do a price change you have the option of adding a note as to why you changed it that’ll show up on the store’s receipt but not the customer’s. I type in the whole story, including coworker’s name and price.)

Me: “Okay, so, it turns out it’s your lucky day. These shoes are $2.99. They must be on clearance or something!”

Customer: “REALLY? Wow, I’m shopping here all the time, now. What great deals!”

(The customer leaves and I go on doing sales. When the manager I like comes back from break, I show him the transaction I was iffy about.)

Manager: “[Coworker] told you that [Brand] shoes were $2.99 and you believed her. We just lost almost $50! You’ve been here for three months; you should know the price of basically everything in the store. [Coworker] has been here for almost a year; I find it hard to believe she said these shoes were $2.99. You know, being responsible means—”

Coworker: *on headset* “Oh, [My Name], I misread the label. The shoes are actually $29.99. My bad.”

Manager: “What?” *grabs my headset* “Who do you think you’re fooling, [Coworker]? They’re $45.99. Are you trying to get [My Name] in trouble?”

(My coworker got called into the manager’s office. She got written up and sent home early because the manager only wanted “people he could trust” working the floor.)

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It’s Going To Be One Of Those Days… We Think

, , , , , | Working | December 8, 2017

(As a call center, we work seven days a week. As a result, most people’s weekends aren’t Saturday and Sunday. Today, Tuesday, one of my coworkers says to another:)

Coworker #1: “Tomorrow is your Friday, isn’t it?”

Coworker #2: “No, it’s my Thursday.”

Coworker #1: “Oh, that’s right; it’s Wednesday!”

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That’s Not Very Big Of You

, , | Working | December 8, 2017

(One of my coworkers is a really small guy, clearly under 160 centimeters. One day we are doing small talk in the staff room. Another coworker, who likes to make witty wisecracks, is there, too.)

Coworker #1: “You know, when I was little…”

Coworker #2: “What? Yesterday?”

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