This Testing Is Testing

, , , , , , | Working | February 15, 2018

(Part of my job is overseeing operations performed by fellow employees who are working remotely from their homes. In this instance, there is an employee who is supposed to be connected to a modem — yes, they are still in use — but she is having trouble dialing in. I decide to see if I can get into the modem from here in our office, and if it works, I’ll simply connect our employee to us and use the connection that way. This is all a very common practice. I explain my plan to the employee, put her on hold, and successfully dial the modem. I pick her back up.)

Me: “Okay, [Employee], I was able to get into that modem here.”

Employee: “Okay, great.”

(I then hear the notorious sound of a modem being dialed in the background.)

Me: “Oh, wait. I’m still dialed into that. You won’t be able to get in yet.”

Employee: “Oh. Did you want me to connect through you guys?”

Me: *holding back a sigh* “We can do it that way, yes.”

(I give the employee the information she needs to connect, and I hit “dial” on the modem again. The number dials out, but I then get a busy signal instead of a handshake.)

Me: “[Employee], did you hang up that modem on your end? I’m getting a busy signal here.”

Employee: “Yep, I’m not connected. I turned off my modem so it would stop dialing.”

(I groan internally. Turning off the modem unfortunately doesn’t disconnect the number, so it’s in limbo, with neither of us able to connect — again. I call the client, ask them to reset the modem, and wait for a call back when it’s clear. They do so, and I get back into the modem. The client asks if we can send some test data through.)

Me: “Okay, [Employee], we’re back in. Do you want to send some test data through really quick?”

Employee: “Sure.”

Me: “Okay, one second while I check with them.”

(I then sit on the phone with the client for well over a minute, MUCH longer than a test should take to appear, with them seeing no data come through. I pick up the employee again.)

Me: “[Employee], are you sending ‘test’ through?”

Employee: “Oh, not yet. I was waiting for you to let me know when.”

Me: *loses all hope*

(We did test successfully after that.)

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Unhappy Annibirthentine’s Day

, , , , , , , , | Romantic | February 15, 2018

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], it’s Valentine’s Day!”

Coworker: “Not only that; it’s also my wedding anniversary.”

Me: “Aww, how romantic!”

Coworker: And it’s my birthday!”

Me: Wow! Your husband must be planning something really special, eh?”

Coworker: “Nope. I’m pretty sure he forgot.”

Me: *pause* “How could he possibly forget?”

Coworker: “I wonder that every year.”

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I’m Mexual

, , , , | Friendly | February 14, 2018

(Two of my coworkers are gossiping on the other side of the counter. I can’t hear what they’re talking about, but they keep looking over at me. Finally, one of them calls out to me.)

Coworker: *smirking* “Hey, [My Name], do you prefer taco bowls or burritos?”

Me: *blank stare* “I don’t like Mexican food.”

(They cracked up, and it eventually came out that this was some bizarre metaphor for asking me whether I was gay or straight. It still worked: I’m asexual.)

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Valentine’s Day Is Not As Confusing As Valentine’s Night

, , , , , , | Working | February 14, 2018

(My manager and I are talking about projected business levels while a coworker putters around. Note that this coworker is a great guy, but can be a little adorably clueless sometimes.)

Manager: “Hmm… Valentine’s isn’t too busy yet, but we get a lot of walk-ins usually, don’t we?”

Me: “Yeah, lots of people come in looking for last-minute bookings.”

Coworker: *incredulously* “Really? Why?”

Me: “Seriously?”

Coworker: “Yeah, I mean, why get a hotel room on Valentine’s? There’s nothing here to do!”

Me: “Yeah, there definitely is.”

Coworker: “Like what?”

Me: “We’ll tell you when you’re older, [Coworker].”

(My manager cracked up laughing. It should be noted that my coworker is a man in his twenties.)

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Truly Sickening Imagery

, , , , , , | Working | February 12, 2018

(I don’t think this series of text messages from an employee — who didn’t last too long, by the way — to our boss needs much commentary.)

Employee: “I can’t come into work today. My dog is really sick, and I need to take her to the vet.”

Employee: *texts photo of a pile of dog vomit*

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