They Give Zero Hours, You Give Zero F***s

, , , | Working | March 21, 2018

(I work at a company that sells medical equipment. The moment my boss goes on maternity leave, the department is restructured and her job eliminated — a common work-around employers use in the UK to circumvent maternity rights. That restructuring has been catastrophic for the office, and people are leaving left, right, and centre, not that management have noticed any change but the savings. Many suspect they’re just trying to constructively dismiss the old guard on full-time contracts and replace us with zero-hours workers, a process which has already begun. I’m at the reception desk one day; this is not my job, but my team has gone from five to two people in a few weeks, and someone has to do it. A few colleagues come through.)

HR Worker: “Hi, [My Name].”

Me: “Hey, you all right?”

HR Worker: “Yeah. Still here. Are you?”

Me: “Yes?”

HR Worker: “Well, look at that. I honestly didn’t know you were still here.”

Me: *speechless*

HR Worker: “Ah, well. Determined to be the last man standing, are you?”

Me: *resolving to use company time to review my job applications the moment his back is turned* “Not exactly, no.”

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Celebrating The Holidays By Half

, , , , , | Hopeless | March 20, 2018

(We sell crumble cake in various sizes; we can sell the whole plate, half of it, or a quarter. My coworker has a customer who already ordered a coffee and is now looking at the cake we offer.)

Customer: “Oh, I’ll take some of that crumble cake there; that looks delicious!”

Coworker: “Sure! Would you like the whole plate or half of it?”

Customer: “Ha, half of it will do; I’ll never finish that whole plate.” *laughing* “Well, unless you want some of it, too!”

Coworker: *also laughing* “Well, I wouldn’t say no to that, and I’m sure my coworkers won’t, either!”

Customer: “Well, then. Take the whole plate, please. I’ll pay for both halves, and one is yours!”

(My coworker starts laughing again, but she quickly realizes the customer is actually serious.)

Customer: “Yes, I mean it! It’s almost Christmas, and I love coming here. You are always friendly, all of you here, and the cake is awesome. Take it as an early Christmas treat.”

(They finished the transaction with my coworker thanking him, then she took our half of the plate into the back and related the story to us. My other coworker and I thanked the customer, too, before he left. It really made our day, and that cake was awesome.)

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A Cents-less Amount Of Confusion

, , , , , , , | Working | March 20, 2018

(I supervise the registers at a popular home goods store. One day, two employees are running the customer service registers, where people can also check out, and I’m directing traffic and basically cleaning up the messes that are everywhere. My two coworkers are [Cashier #1], a 19-year-old who has run a register for six months or so, and [Cashier #2], a 30-something who has worked for the company longer than I have and is technically my peer, though I’m always teaching her things. I’m finishing up with one customer when I realize that both my coworkers are standing by the same register.)

Me: “What’s going on? Maybe I can help.”

Cashier #2: “I can’t figure out the change to give her. I put it in wrong.”

(I look at the receipt that’s sitting on the counter. It says that the customer bought one item, the total was $6.28, and the customer paid $6.30.)

Me: “How much money did she actually give you?”

Cashier #2: “$6.35.”

Me: *not sure I heard that right* “So, she gave you five cents more than you put in the cash register?”

Cashier #2: “Yes.”

Me: “Then you give her five cents more than the cash register tells you to give.”

Cashier #2: *blank look*

Me: “Did you give her the two cents from the receipt?”

Cashier #2: “No, because I knew it wasn’t right!”

Me: “Okay, well, she gave you five cents more than the receipt says she gave you, so you give her five cents more than the register says to give her.”

Cashier #2: *same blank look*

Me: “Seven cents.”

(In the end, I have to reach into her register to pull the change out for the poor customer. After she leaves, the other cashier drops this line.)

Cashier #1: “I couldn’t figure it out, either, so I told her just to void the transaction.”

Me: “Wait, what? Did we re-ring it?”

Cashier #1: “I don’t know.”

(We counted the cashier’s drawer and, sure enough, it was over by $6.28. We still had the receipt from the return, so we were able to re-ring the purchase to even out her drawer and our inventory. The worst part is that not only did two grown women not know how to “fix” a five-cent mistake, but the older one is actually a teacher by day!)

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They Want More Dough And They Don’t Mean Bread

, , , , , | Working | March 20, 2018

(I work in a bakery that takes a lot of large orders. We usually send invoices to customers for these large orders. I am in charge of dealing with emails. One customer wants me to add an extra $1800 fee to his invoice, and then forward the cash to his event planner. I tell my coworkers about it, and the following happens:)

Me: “It’s a scam.”

Coworker: “How do you know?”

Me: “Have you never heard of that before? People try to do this all the time. He even tried to offer an $80 tip, even though I told him there’s an extra gratuity included.”

Coworker: “But how would it be a scam? He’s giving us money and we’re giving it back to him.”

Me: “It’s probably a stolen credit card, or it would somehow work out that his payment wouldn’t go through after we gave him the money.”

Coworker: “I don’t know; it doesn’t make sense to me.”

(Not even two weeks later…)

Coworker: “A customer just called and asked if we could add a fee to her card when we charge her, then give cash to someone else. Can we do that?”

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From Desk ‘Til Sawn

, , , , , | Working | March 20, 2018

(The library I work at is moving locations, and many items have been left behind by the previous owners of our new site. One of these items is a very nice, spacious desk. One look at it, and my coworkers and I fall in love with it and want to make use of it.)

Coworker #1: “I just saw something similar to this one in [Office Supply Store]. It costs at least $700!”

Coworker #2: “And look what good condition it’s in. There’s not even a scratch on it.”

Me: “I think we should keep it. I’d like to have my breaks back here on it.”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, me, too. It’s really nice. Look at all these drawers we could put our craft supplies in.”

Coworker #1: “We could even set up a computer back here for when we need to do confidential work.”

Me: “Great idea! Let’s tell director we want to keep it.”

(We all go and find the director.)

Coworker #2: “[Director]? Can we keep the desk that’s in the back workroom?”

Director: “Absolutely not! We’re moving our table back there, instead.”

(She gestures to a table we’ve had for the past decade. It was previously in the middle of the library for anyone to sit at. The corners are all damaged from chairs and carts hitting it, and the surface is scratched and marked from children doing crafts on it. Other than that, there is nothing interesting about it because it is a basic, generic, brown table. We all just sort of stare at her.)

Me: “Did you see the desk, though? It has lots of drawer space we can use. And it fits in the room better. This table is really big, and it would take up half of the workroom.”

Director: “We didn’t pay for that desk, so we’re getting rid of it!”

Coworker #1: “But didn’t this table only cost us like $200? That desk is worth at least $700. We’d be gaining $500 worth of furniture if we keep the desk and throw out the table.”

Director: “We are not throwing out the table! We paid for it!”

Me: “But the desk is in better condition. And all of us who are going to work here every day would rather work off the desk than the table.” *all three of us nod*

Coworker #1: “The desk is the more valuable piece of furniture, and it’s newer, too.”

Coworker #2: “And we can use it for storage and stuff. The table doesn’t have any drawers.”

Director: “This conversation is over! We’re throwing that desk away! We didn’t pay for it! I am not wasting my money by throwing away the table I paid for!

Me: “Maybe we can put the table somewhere els—”

Director: “NOT ONE MORE WORD! We didn’t pay for that desk. We paid for this table! WE’RE KEEPING THE TABLE!”

Coworker #2: “If you’re going to just throw out the desk, can I have it?”

Me: “I could use it, too!”

Coworker #1: “I’d make space for it at my house. It really is a nice desk.”

Director: “Get back to work! NOW!”

(We all dispersed. The director had the maintenance staff disassemble the desk with a saw and crowbar so it was completely unusable for anyone. They had to cut off one inch of the table to get it to fit in our workroom. It’s ugly and bulky, and now it has a rough edge from where they sawed it, which I have already cut myself on.)

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