It’s the 1990s, and I am running a small team in a financial services company. We have a morning process to manage, with a number of defined tasks. [Coworker #1] is young and has been in the job for only a few months. One day, he calls in sick, with a croaky voice.

Coworker #1: “Maaaate, I’m dying. I’ve got some kind of ‘lurgy. I’m not going to make it in today.”

Me: “Okay, thanks for letting me know. Get well, and I will see you when you’re better.”

A few hours later, I realise I need some data that he only he has access to, so I call his landline.

[Coworker #1] answers in a surprisingly boisterous, chipper voice.

Coworker #1: “Hi, everything’s ready. We’re just waiting for—”

Me: “[Coworker #1], it’s [My Name]. I need access to the [necessary data].”

Coworker #1: “Oh. Ohhhhhhh… Ummmm…” *Croaky voice* “Yeah, it’s in the shared folder. I put a password on it: [password].”

The following day, he returns to work sunburned and hungover.

Me: “[Coworker #1], look, it was fairly obvious from our calls yesterday that you weren’t being completely straight with me. I need to know that I can rely on you. Next time, just be straight with me.”

A few days later, [Coworker #2], an old hand who has been with the company for years and is amazing at his job, calls me early.

Coworker #2: “Mate, I’m sorry, but I’ve been out all night, just got through the door. I am still drunk and there’s no way I am coming in today.”

Me: “Right, no problem. Thanks for letting me know. I’ve got you covered.”

[Coworker #1] gets wind of the conversation and complains.

Coworker #1: “Wait, you gave me grief for pulling a sickie, but when [Coworker #2] tells you he’s too drunk to work, you give him a pass. That’s not fair?”

Me: “The difference is that he has proven himself time and again, and he was completely straight with me about his reasons. He didn’t try to mislead me, and that means that I know I can trust him with other things. It’s vital that, in our team, we have complete trust but manage what we disclose with everybody else to ensure that there’s no blowback and we can continue to operate as we see fit.”

He mulls that for a while and seems to accept it.

A few months later, I go on holiday and my boss fills in for me managing my team. When I get back, the boss calls me into a meeting.

Boss: “I am sorry, but I had to let [Coworker #1] go while you were on holiday.”

Me: “What? Why?”

Boss: “Well, he called me out of the blue and said he wasn’t coming to work because he’d been drinking all night and, when I told him that that wasn’t acceptable, he said you let [Coworker #2] do it all the time.”

I tried to straighten it out and get [Coworker #1] his job back but, after I explained, [Boss] insisted that he was too stupid to be employed.

This was a few years before the health crisis. My office has all the usual modern things such as Outlook and Zoom, and most importantly, the ability to schedule meetings by viewing others’ availability.

We were performing our year-end process. My coworker, who has been with the company for fifteen years, was in charge of one particular section — the same section she has had for all those fifteen years.

A few weeks after year-end, I was checking off the final items, and I asked her if she had held a recap meeting with the people in her section — about thirty people. You know, what went well, what could be improved, etc. We do this every year to try to make next year better.

Me: “Have you held a recap session yet?”

Coworker: “Welllllll, I tried to!”

Me: “What do you mean, you tried?”

Coworker: “Wellllll, I sent an email to everyone asking them to send me some dates and times they were available for this meeting, but no one responded!”

Me: “Really. You sent an email to thirty people asking them to send you dates and times they were available. I wouldn’t have responded, either. What were you hoping for? They’d all send the same date and time?”

Coworker: “WELLLL…”

Me: “Why didn’t you just use Outlook?”

Coworker: “I tried, but I couldn’t find a good time.”

Me: “Okayyyy, why don’t you break the section into groups and have more than one meeting?”

The whole thing was rather astounding. I have no idea what she’s been doing for the past fifteen years.

Back when years still begin with the number one, I am working in a warehouse. I’ve just clocked out and am about to head out the door when I hear a sound like something falling, followed by seeing one of the other workers staggering around, dazed, with her forehead bleeding.

Me: “What the [expletive] just happened?!”

A manager comes running over.

Manager: “The shelf fell down and she got hit by the pack of [ceramic product].”

Me: “Oh, no!”

Manager: “Can you take her to the hospital? I don’t want to wait for an ambulance to get out here.”

Me: “Okay.”

In retrospect, that wasn’t smart, but [Manager] and I are both panicking.

Manager: “I’ll help get her in your car.”

Two minutes later, I’m zipping toward the hospital. I arrive ASAP and stick around in the waiting room while my coworker is examined. Thankfully, it is only a concussion. After the hospital clears her, I take her to her home.

I come back the next morning to check on her and then again the next evening after my shift. Rinse and repeat for three days. And of course, since her car is still at the warehouse, I have to give her a lift in when she’s finally allowed to resume work.

On the drive in to work:

Coworker: “You didn’t have to do all that. Why bother? I’m just a nobody.”

Me: “Um, because it was the right thing to do?”

And that’s how I met my wife. We’re still happily married.

During training at work where I had to sit and listen to a presenter for a two-hour session, my kitten decided they wanted to fall asleep on my shoulder and be held. As I get to work from home, this typically isn’t an issue if they are in my lap as I can still work, but being held for any length of time doesn’t happen often as I have to type a ton of reports. My kitten was very happy and fell asleep, and I got to pay full attention to the training. 

At the end, the presenter asked if anyone had any questions, which several did, but then one of the people in another department asked:

Employee: “[My Name], how did you get your cat to stay on your shoulder for the entire training?” 

As everyone had been on camera, including me, I guess people noticed me cuddling and petting my kitten during the training, which derailed the rest of the questions as everyone else brought their cats, dogs, birds, and a giant lizard onto their cameras so we could do a giant show-and-tell. 

Best training ever.

I am known to purchase the giant jar of JellyBellies from a warehouse chain. It’s a very reasonable price. I take them to work with me. I don’t mind people coming in and shaking out a handful. But I have a coworker who badmouths me behind my back, always wants in on lunch runs, and always promises to get us next time and therefore never actually pays. She regularly comes in and takes a whole mug full of JellyBellies without asking permission — or even saying hi — and makes it clear that she hates me but loves the JellyBelly supply. I had to take action.

We are both early morning people, so there is usually an hour or so with nobody but the two of us in the office, so I knew there would be no innocent victims.

You can buy a box of the JellyBelly game, which contains an assortment of beans that come in identical pairs. One has a good flavor and one flavor is horrible: is that bean coconut or rotten eggs? Will you get soap, earthworm, dishwater, or booger? In the game, you spin a spinner and eat whatever color it tells you to eat, and you have a fifty-fifty chance of getting a good flavor or a nasty one. It’s actually a fun game — among friends.

However, this did not involve a friend, so I happily bought a box of the nasty mix and dumped it into the jar. There were only one or two inches of beans left in the bottom, so this was a sacrifice I was willing to make. And then I waited.

I left my office for a bit, came back, and saw that there were significantly fewer beans left. Perfect.

About ten minutes later, I heard a wonderful cacophony of gagging, retching, and utterances of disgust, accompanied by what sounded suspiciously like something being spit into the trash can down the hall. With said trash can having a hint of a whiff of rotten egg. With a cup of uneaten JellyBelly added to the top of the trash.

The remainder of the jug went into my own trash can. A new stash was purchased, and for the past two weeks, I have noticed that it is not draining as quickly as it used to.

That particular coworker hasn’t said a word to me since — not that she was actually talking to me before, but at least now she isn’t mooching off of somebody she hates.