Here We See The Bagels In Their Natural Habitat

, , , , , | Working | March 28, 2018

(I am at work and we are close to closing, so my coworker and I have started to clean up. My coworker is closing the bakery section of our cafe, and I am making fun of him having two empty bagel baskets out. My manager then looks at the bagel wall and says:)

Manager: “What is that?”

Coworker: “What?”

Manager: “The bagels, why are they like that?”

Coworker: “I wanted them to look nice?”

Manager: “No, you don’t see bagels in line like that in the wild.”

(My manager then just walked away. My coworker and I just looked at each other and started laughing. We started making jokes about bagels being little living creatures in the wild the rest of the night.)

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Turning The Coding System Upside Down

, , , , , | Working | March 27, 2018

(At our store we have radios almost all of the staff use for quick communication, as well as codes for certain things. For reference, a “29” is the code for, “Need change for the cash drawer.”)

Coworker #1: “Hey, can I get a 69, please? I really need some fives.”

(At this point, half of the staff are laughing, but nobody corrects her, and she gets her change. The next day, however…)

Coworker #1: “Hey, I need a 69. Running low on tens.”

Coworker #2: *laughing between words* “Wow, are you really that desperate for money?”

Coworker #1: “What? What do you… Oh, my gosh. What did I say?”

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She Hates Lefties

, , , , , | Working | March 26, 2018

Coworker: “Why are you left-handed now?”

Me: “I’m ambidextrous, and today I need to use my left hand.”

Coworker: “You’re like one of those hipster thingies aren’t you? You pretend to be different things, like a man one day and a woman the next, and then some days you pretend you’re nothing. It makes me sick. Be normal, you homo!”

Me: “Well, aren’t you a seething pot of excrement.”

(She complained to HR about that comment and we had to do a counselling session together. She started crying at one point, and I got very cold looks from the counsellor, as though it was my fault. The counsellor’s attitude changed, though, at the end of the meeting, when I signed a form with my right hand, and my coworker went on a virtually identical rant. The counsellor advised she take time off. It’s been three months and she still isn’t back. I do the payroll, so I know she is still getting paid, and nothing has come my way saying why she has been off for so long.)

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Sliding Into A Longer Shift

, , , , | Working | March 26, 2018

(I work at a pool that has an indoor water slide. Our schedule comes out weekly. We notice a typo has occurred and that one of the slide workers is only scheduled for a half-hour. He has worked the shift before and knows it is actually five hours. He is waiting for the shift to start.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], pretty funny about the typo, eh?”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “Oh, you didn’t see? Instead of 1:00 to 6:00, our boss accidentally put 1:00 to 1:30. Pretty funny, right? I mean, who would want to—”

Coworker: *angered* “Wait, I’m working until six?”

(I stare at him, too stunned for a moment, until I reply.)

Me: “Uh… Well, I thought… I mean, that’s what you usually work. I thought you would know it’s a typo; I mean the slide is open until six.”

Coworker: *sighs and gives attitude* “I guess I can stay later; I just have to call my mom.” *leaves*

(I know it was technically a scheduling error and he could’ve contested it, but who wants to work for only a half an hour? Plus, he had been working there for almost a year; why not question it when he saw it on the schedule? I guess he really did want to come in from out of town for only a half an hour.)

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She Can Lose Weight But You Can’t Lose That Ugly Personality

, , , , , | Working | March 26, 2018

(I have a medical condition that makes it hard for me to keep my weight down. For years, I’ve been able to keep myself around a size 12 or 14. Then, last year, I had a baby and went from a very active job to a sedentary job. Between the two, I gained 60 pounds: 25 from my son and another 35 after I had him. When my son was a year old, I got a new job. I have a coworker who has a lot to say about how I look.)

Coworker: *sees picture of me from before I was pregnant* “Oh, wow! You used to be really pretty.”

Me: “Um… Thanks?”

(We have a client send us 12 pints of ice cream for the office. We have about 15 to 20 people in the office on any given day. My coworker comes back to our area with an entire pint of ice cream.)

Coworker: “Are you going to get any ice cream?”

Me: “Oh, after lunch I might have a little bit.”

Coworker: “Just go grab a pint.”

Me: “No, thanks. I couldn’t eat that much, and I’m fairly sure it’s to share.”

Coworker: “Well, I mean, you’ve already let yourself go, so why not enjoy it?”

Me: *long pause* “Enjoy your ice cream.”

(My husband and I decide to join a popular weight-lifting gym and go three days a week. The first month is hard and I am always super sore.)

Coworker: “Why are you always so sore?”

Me: “I started working out. It will get better as my body gets stronger.”

Coworker: “Why are you doing that?”

Me: “I have a medical condition that causes me to gain weight really easily and makes me more likely to have diabetes and heart disease. Losing weight will make me a lot healthier, and it is the only known thing to help with the symptoms.”

Coworker: “Why are you always so negative? You should just learn to love your body!”

Me: “I do love my body.”

(Later, my husband and I have been going to the gym regularly for two months. I’ve been losing an inch a month around my stomach. One of our friends wants to do a diet for 30 days, so we decide to join her. I’m in the lunchroom eating my lunch.)

Coworker: “That looks good. What is it?”

Me: “Turkey meatballs, steamed carrots, and garlic cauliflower puree with caramelized onions.”

Coworker: “Cauliflower puree? I thought it was mashed potatoes.”

Me: “Yeah, it looks like it, doesn’t it? I’m on a 30-day diet, and I’ve cut out sugar, dairy, carbs, and starchy vegetables like potatoes. So, this is a ‘substitute’ for mashed potatoes.”

Coworker: “I hate diets; they always make you eat rabbit food, and they make you fatter in the end! You can’t keep them up, so why bother?”

Me: “Well… That is true with a lot of diets, but mine is only supposed to be 30 days, not forever. I’m also losing weight without the diet, so I’m just trying to reach my plateau faster.”

Coworker: “Take my word; you’re going to be eating gross food, and you’ll just end up fat, anyway. There is no way you’re going to keep it up.”

Me: “I’ve done this diet before. I would usually do it for ten days every six months just to help reset my eating habits and remind myself that I don’t need bread with every meal. I actually really like it, so I’m not to worried about it.”

Coworker: “Then why are you so fat?”

Me: “I’m going to eat at my desk. I have work to do.”

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