I’ve been at this job of tech support for about six to eight months now. My supervisor likes the numbers I put up, taking a lot of calls and closing a lot of tickets. I make the other Tier 1 techs look bad because of my metrics.

I get into work one day and my supervisor comes up to me and says he’s getting flack from upper management about all the unnecessary open tickets we have. He wants me to go through this list of over 100 tickets and call out to the customers and work them. He says that is my task for the day and to only take inbound calls when I’m finished with this list or if he asks me to help. Across the list are a lot of easy tickets — basically, ones you know are resolved, but you need the customer’s confirmation that the issue is resolved before you close the ticket.

I log into the ticket system and start opening up all the tickets on my list. This takes a little while, and then I start going through the tickets one by one. I call each store location and see whether the issue in the ticket has been resolved or not, and if it hasn’t been, I work with the customer.

I’ve been at the task for about half the day now and I’m close to finishing. Lunchtime comes around and a few of the Tier 1 techs leave to take their lunch. I finish up my work around the time the first group of Tier 1 techs returns from lunch.

All of a sudden, behind me, one of the more irritating people in our group (he’s loud and bossy and complains constantly to management) blurts out:

Coworker: “Who’s AM? Whose initials are AM? They closed a ticket I had opened. I was going to call the customer back after I finished lunch.”

Me: “That’s me. What’s the ticket number?”

Coworker: “Why did you close my ticket? I had it opened first. It was my ticket. I was going to call the customer.”

Me: “The only tickets I worked on were from the list given to me. If I closed a ticket you had grabbed, it was because I was working through the list our supervisor gave me.”

Coworker: “It was MY TICKET!”

[Coworker] is getting loud now and he’s starting to draw attention with his little temper tantrum. What this current situation has come down to is that this coworker grabbed a bunch of these easy tickets so he could pad his numbers; he wanted simple callback tickets where he could just ask the customer if the issue was resolved and then close the ticket. He’s mad because he can’t easily pad his metrics now.

Me: “I did the work I was told. Let it go. We’re working together here for the company.”

Coworker: “I had the ticket first! It was MY TICKET!”

I’ve finally had enough of his temper tantrums and I snap.

Me: “I don’t give a s*** if you grabbed the ticket. It was on my list. I went through this list as I was instructed and I worked on resolving issues for the company. I’m tired of listening to you whine. Shut up! No one wants to hear your baby temper tantrums anymore!”

Coworker: *Quietly, under his breath* “It was my ticket.”

Me: “Shut up. I don’t want to hear it anymore.”

Coworker: *Even more quietly, almost a whisper* “But it was my ticket.”

Me: “It wasn’t your ticket. It was a company ticket. The ticket was resolved and closed. Drop it.”

At least from that day out, my coworker hasn’t thrown his baby temper tantrums anymore.

Back when I was just out of high school, I got a job in the sporting goods department of a popular Canadian store. Because it was my third job, I could only work limited hours, mostly limited to weekday evenings. Evenings were LAX in this store. I was set the task of restocking the fishing lure aisle (the most nitpicky job), but the other two associates in my area just goofed off all night each night while I worked my butt off in that fishing aisle with the thousands of lures and price tags. The assistant manager rode around the store on a toddler bike — not exactly high performing. Plus, they made me buy the ugly red sweatshirt uniform.

One night, a couple of weeks into the job, an older man came up to me and asked for help finding an item in housewares. I couldn’t find an associate in housewares, so I walked him over myself. On the way, he started making inappropriate comments toward me, focusing on specific details of my looks and talking about what he wanted me to do with him. I put on my retail face, found his item, and sent him on his way as quickly as I could.

I talked to my manager at the start of my shift the next day. I brought up the incident and asked if there was camera footage since there were cameras all over the place.

Manager: “The cameras are all dummy cameras. There’s nothing we can do.”

Me: “Well, what about the next time it happens?”

Manager: “Just find a manager if you can.”

Right. Find a manager who’s riding around the store on a tiny bicycle while pretending to help a creepy man and not alerting him to what I’m doing. That’s the best you have?

Three days later, at the start of my shift, I was pulled into a private room by my manager and let go, presumably because I couldn’t work enough hours.

I was never so happy to be fired in my life.

I was once very sick, and I called in to work. My boss told me to come in anyway. I told my coworker, who personally called my boss.

Coworker: “I will not work with [My Name] as they’ve been vomiting!”

So, my boss called me and feigned surprise that I was so ill and told me not to come in.

It’s late and I have worked a long double shift. An ex-coworker comes in to get a meal.

Me: “Hi! What would you like?”

Customer: “Combo four, please.”

Me: “Combo meal four with fries and Dr. Pepper?”

Customer: “Would you like to go large with that?”

Me: “No, thank you.”

Customer: “That’ll be $4.95.”

Me: “Thanks… Wait…”

Customer: “Oh… what happened?”

Next Customer In Line: “Did you two just swap bodies?!”

This is what happens when two tired fast-food workers are on autopilot!

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Years ago, I taught in a public school which had just received a new photocopier for the teachers’ staff room. I am interested in technological gadgets and quickly learned how to clear jams, change paper and toner, and generally keep the machine running.

One of the other teachers worked mornings at another school in our district and afternoons in our school. She would often have photocopying to be done over her lunch hour for her afternoon classes, but she had a reputation of having problems with our photocopier.

One lunch hour, she came in to prepare for her classes and looked at me.

Teacher: “[My Name], would you please come over to the copier with me?”

Me: “Sure, but you haven’t had any problems yet; you haven’t even used it!”

Teacher: “No, but I want you here so you can intimidate it for me!”

For the record, it worked perfectly when I stood beside her.