Listen Or You’ll Really Shoot Yourself In The Foot

, , , , , , | Right | May 1, 2019

I worked once in a shop that, amongst other hobby items, sold air rifles, which are legal in the UK for those over 18 if under a certain power. No permit is needed, but we have to take a copy of your passport or licence to log with the police that you’ve bought one.

We used to have to do a bit of a safety talk. New customers appreciated the ins and outs of how to look after and use the guns safely, and customers who’d had guns before understood why we had to do it and found it quite amusing, especially, “When shooting, point it only at the target; when not shooting, point it at the ground but not at your feet.”

This did prompt the question, “Surely that’s obvious,” to which my manager would respond, “If people didn’t do it, I wouldn’t have to say it.”

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But I Would Charge £10,000, And I Would Charge £10,000 More

, , , , , | Right | April 2, 2019

(I start work in an office which sells engineering components. There are no set prices and we discount prices based on bulk buys, availability, customer loyalty, etc. Having just started, I am assigned a phone which, unfortunately, has an awful connection and constant buzz when in use. The system we use won’t let you do anything without assigning it to a customer’s account. It is about three days into my job.)

Caller: “Yeah, this is [Caller] from [something that sounds like G&M]. Can I get five of [item #1], two of [item #2], and some of [item #3]? And what have I already got on order?”

Me: “Sorry, you broke up there. Where are you calling from?”

Caller: “What? I have an account with you.”

Me: “Yes, the line is quite bad; was that G&M or G&N? Just so I can bring up your account.”

Caller: “Yeah, that’s it. So, what have I got on order?”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t bring up your orders without your account, and it’s a very bad line. Where are you calling from?”

Caller: “I just want a price. We have an account with you.”

(My colleague hears me having some issues and comes over.)

Colleague: “Who is it?”

Me: *mouths that I don’t know yet* “Can you just repeat where you are calling from so I can find your account?”

Caller: “Oh, I’m near London; it was five of [item #1], two of [item #2], and just a few of [item #3].”

Me: “No, your company, just so I can find your account. Was it G&M, G&N, or GNM?” *thinking it’s got to be one of them*

Caller: “Look. I just want a price.”

Me: “I understand, but I need to know where you are calling from so I can find your account.”

Caller: “Why is it so hard to give me a price?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but our system won’t let me give you a price without your account. Can you please tell me which company you are calling from?”

Caller: *sighs* “D&M. So, can I have a price?”

Colleague: “Who is it?” *comes to watch over my shoulder as I search for the account* “We don’t have a D&M!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I am not finding that account; would you be under anything else?”

Caller: “D&M!”

Colleague: “Search by his postcode.”

Me: “Can I just get your postcode and I can find your account by that?”

Caller: *reels off postcode at lightning speed, all the while moaning how he just wants a price*

Me: “Okay, I have three companies at that postcode, none of which are D&M. Are you sure you wouldn’t be under another name?” *lists the three companies we have on the system*

Caller: “Yeah, we used to be [Company #2], but we changed names about a month ago.”

Me: “Okay, that’s why I couldn’t find you. Sorry about that. Let me just bring up your account.”

(There is an on-screen error as I die inside.)

Me: “Oh, okay, I am showing that account is locked out on my system with just over £10,000 of outstanding invoices.”

Caller: “Well, yeah, but that’s not us anymore. We changed names, so I want to place another order.”

Me: “Okay, but you are at the same address, and you are the owner of the previous company, so you would need to clear the invoices before we can deal with you, and then we can change your name on the system.”

Caller: “But that’s not my company; we changed names.”

Me: “Okay, but you still bought goods from us delivered to the same location to a company owned by yourself. Were you declared bankrupt?”

Caller: “No, we just changed names, so can I get a quote now or do I need to set up a new account?”

Me: “Not without clearing the balance on your account.”

Caller: “Whatever, I will go to [Competitor].”

(Yeah, I’m sure they want to have £10,000 worth of unpaid invoices. The customer later tried to claim in court he hadn’t received the goods despite having signed for them. Last I heard he had been declared bankrupt.)

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Say Goodbye To This Dress

, , , , , , | Right | September 7, 2018

Years ago my mum was working in a clothes shop with a one-month return policy.

A customer bought a returned dress, but soon returned it, complaining of a rash that the dress had caused.

After making sure it was not an allergy issue, they sent the dress off to be tested, and the results told them that there were traces of embalming fluid on the dress. That’s the stuff they put on dead people to keep them looking nice for open-casket funerals.

Someone had put this dress on a person so that their friends and relatives could say goodbye, then took it off them and returned it to the shop. Apparently it never occurred to them that that was a bit weird.

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Unfiltered Story #93136

, | Unfiltered | September 8, 2017

Unfortunately, the postcode of where I live doesn’t always show up correctly with all the auto-address fill-in databases in common use. I live on a small private road (let’s call it Minor Avenue) just off a main road (let’s call it Main Road). My address is 6 Minor Avenue, Main Road, Coventry, Postcode. Some databases have it as 6 Main Road, Coventry, which does not exist. Where there should be a building is actually an open plot of land sometimes used as a temporary car park.

When I give my details over the phone, I always double check the person filling in the details has the correct information.

A few months ago, I wasn’t very well, and could foresee me needing a lot of medicine. As such, it was necessary to buy myself a pre-payment prescription card, which I did at the pharmacy. It was them that contacted the company that issues the cards, rather than me, by using their website.

Two weeks later, and I still hadn’t received my card through the post, so I rang up the prepayment people. My card had been dispatched, and when the person I was talking to double checked the details, he saw the problem and burst out laughing.

Him: I see the problem – your card has been sent to the address 6 Coventry. That was all they put!