(My younger cousins come over to my house. For some reason, my brother and I are arguing whether girls and boys on the whole tend to have biological personality differences, or whether it’s society and upbringing. I am about 11 or so, my brother is around nine, and my cousins are around five and three, as far as I can recall. My cousins are asked their opinion.)

My Five-Year-Old Cousin: *paraphrased* “I think some boys are like boys and some are like girls, and vice versa.”

My Three-Year-Old Cousin: “I think boys and girls are different from crocodiles.”

(My fiancé and I have been dating since we were in high school, ten years ago. My extended family is very close-knit, and in the past decade he’s come to at least two or three family events with me every year, including holidays, vacations, etc. We wait to get engaged until I am out of graduate school, and this is what happens when we announce it to my extended family.)

Me: “So… [Fiancé] and I have news. We’re getting married!”

(I expect a bit of a reaction, since my family usually goes all-out for events like weddings. Instead…)

Aunt: “You’re getting married?”

Me: “Uh, yes.”

Cousin #1: “But you guys are already married.”

Cousin #2: “Right, yeah, I was thinking that.”

Me: “No, I’m not.”

Uncle #1: “Yeah, you are, right? I remember sending a gift.”

Me: “You sent us a housewarming gift when we moved in together, but we didn’t get married. There was never a wedding.”

Uncle #2: “But you’ve been together for so long.”

Me: “We wanted to wait until I finished school before we made it official, though. You all really thought we were already married? Why wouldn’t I have invited you to the wedding?”

Cousin #1: “I thought you were just being a b**** about it or something.”

(Yeah, apparently my whole extended family, all of whom I see on a semi-regular basis, all thought that I was married. Silver lining, at least my fiancé and I are so compatible people just assume we’re going to be together forever.)

(My cousin is coming over from Ireland for a few days. He messages me before he takes off. About five hours later he calls me. I have worried for a while at this point, because it shouldn’t have taken him so long.)

Cousin: “Hey, I’m at… St. Pancras.”

Me: “St. Pancras? As in London?”

Cousin: “Yeah. Where do I go?”

Me: “Mate, I’m in Edinburgh.”

Cousin: “Cool, when will you get here?”

Me: “It’s, like, eight hours away.”

Cousin: “Aww, am I going to have to wait here for eight hours?”

(I ended up buying him a flight from London to Edinburgh, and literally had to talk him through everything right up to getting on the plane. It turns out he flew to Gatwick Airport and took the train to St. Pancras. He had no idea where Edinburgh was, but since it was a capital city, he assumed it would be in London. I’ve decided to visit him, instead, from now on.)

(We’re having our first son baptized. It’s also the first time that my family meets my husband’s cousins. One of them comes to greet my parents.)

Mom: “Hi, I’m [My Name]’s mother.”

Cousin: “Hi, I’m… my dad’s son…”

(After some awkward laughs I lean in to my husband.)

Me: “[Cousin] is a genius.”

(My entire family is at my Grandma’s house celebrating my cousin’s eighth birthday. My cousin doesn’t have any cousins her age, but she has taken a shining to my son, who is two. She wants to play with him and have a typical “cousin” relationship with him. While there, he needs a diaper change, and since I’m not sure if my aunt and uncle have had “the talk” with her about the differences between boys and girls, I find an empty bedroom to change him. As I come out, she finds me.)

Cousin: “What were you doing in there?”

Me: “I was just changing [Son]’s diaper. You guys can go back to playing.”

Cousin: *pouting* “You should have let me help!”

Me: “Changing diapers isn’t really all that fun. It’s stinky. Why do you want to help?”

Cousin: “Because I need to learn how!”

Me: “Why do you need to learn how?”

Cousin: *with dramatic eye roll and arms cross* “Because I’m eight now, and that’s like, almost twelve, and then I’ll babysit him! And he will need diaper changes! Duh!”

(She then ran off to play with my son. I didn’t have the heart to mention to her that he will be out of diapers before she can babysit him.)