Always Imitated, Never Duplicated

, | Right | January 8, 2009

Customer: “Do you have a copy of [Book] in stock?”

Me: “Yes, we do. Would you like me to put it on hold for you?”

Customer: “Yes. Also, I was emailed a coupon that I’d like to use to buy that book, but my printer is broken. Is there anything you can do?”

Me: “Sure, just write down the coupon code and the amount you’ll be saving. As long as we can verify these two things in the system, our computers will allow the discount.”

Customer: “Should I draw the bar code for you?”

Me: “I’m sorry? Come again?”

Customer: “Would it help if I drew the bar code?”

Me: “No… the coupon code will do just fine.”

Customer: “Thanks!”

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Customer Knows Best

, , , , | Right | May 3, 2008

(We are running a little sale that offers the customer 20% off on regular priced item.)

Customer: “So, can I use the sale coupon on sale items?”

Me: “Unfortunately, the coupon is only good on regularly priced items.”

Customer: “What about sale items?”

Me: “It can only be used on regularly priced items.”

Customer: “But the shoes were $109, and now they are $79.”

Me: “We can only use it on regularly priced items.”

Customer: “But it’s marked down!”

Me: *losing patience, but still with a smile* “I’m sorry, but again we can only use it on regularly priced items.”

Customer: “Well, then make my shoes regular priced and give me my 20%!”

Me: “Sure, I’d be happy to. You grand total comes to $87.20.”

Customer: “Finally! I swear, all you people try to do is swindle us out of buying sale items with that regular priced coupon. But I see through what you’re trying to do.”

Me: “Yes. I’ll do everything I can to give you the best deal you want.”

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Honor Among Thieves

, | Right | February 19, 2008

Me: “Your total is $87.95.”

Customer: “I have a coupon for [Product]. It was for a dollar off.”

Me: “Ok.” (I wait 30 seconds for her to produce it, but she stares blankly at the total on the screen.)

Customer: “Well, aren’t you going to type that in? It’s for one dollar.”

Me: “Ma’am, I just need to see the coupon so I can scan it.”

Customer: “Well I don’t HAVE it with me… It’s at home. I forgot it, but it’s for [Product] for a dollar.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t credit you for that unless you bring the coupon with you. You are welcome to bring it next time. Your total today is $87.95.”

Customer: “So, what, you don’t believe me? Why can’t you just give me a dollar off? That’s what the coupon was for.”

Me: “Ma’am, I believe that you bought the product and that you have the coupon at home, but I am unable to give you the discount without actually physically having the coupon in my till drawer.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. What ever happened to the honor system! It’s rude of you not to believe me!”

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The Lady Doth Go For Broke, Methinks

, , | Right | October 30, 2007

(A lady enters the store and gives me a raincheck that expired long ago.)

Me: “Um, ma’am, this raincheck expired 90 days after you received it.”

Customer: “It doesn’t say that.”

(I point to where it does, in fact, say that.)

Customer: *completely seriously* “That wasn’t there before.”

(I hand the raincheck back.)

Me: “Would you still like to buy this product?”

Customer: “Yes, I have this raincheck for buy one, get one free.”

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