I’m standing in line with my cart of groceries, waiting to pay. The guy in front of me is being a jerk about an expired one-dollar-off coupon, screaming at maximum volume.

Guy: “YOU WILL TAKE THIS COUPON!”

Cashier: “The coupon expired three months ago, sir.” 

Guy: “DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A F***?! TAKE IT OR ELSE!”

I’m tired and cranky, so I step around my cart and tap the guy on the shoulder to get his attention. I keep my voice at a normal conversational volume level the entire time.

Guy: “WHAT DO YOU WANT?!”

Me: “Did you read the latest scientific study about howler monkeys?”

Guy: “WHAT THE F*** DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!”

I step back behind my cart.

Me: “They found that the louder the monkey screams, the smaller its balls are.”

Guy: “WHAT ARE—”

It suddenly registers with him just what I said. He shuts up and his face turns a very angry shade of red. He makes his hands into fists and gives me a death glare.

Cashier: “Cash or card, sir?”

The guy silently pulled a card from his wallet and paid. He gave me another if-looks-could-kill glare as he wheeled his groceries away.

I used to coupon. A lot. For this particular transaction, it is only digital coupons, no paper ones. I collect all my items, get to the checkout, and enter my phone number. The cashier hits total, and about $12 worth of stuff is roughly $.50.

I pay with my card, and as the cashier hands me my receipt, she notices how cheap it is. For background, this woman hates me, hates couponers, and is just an all-around pain. Every. Time. Cue this wonderful exchange.

Cashier: “Well, that’s obviously wrong; it’s too cheap. I’m going to have to return all of your stuff.”

Me: “You aren’t. I have already paid. It was digital coupons, and I have done nothing wrong.”

Cashier: “You have to give me the receipt, then, and I’m going to write down every UPC and every coupon. This is like stealing.”

I’m a bit annoyed, and I just don’t want her to follow me outside, so I comply. I give her the receipt and stand there for about ten minutes while the cashier writes, muttering nasty stuff half under her breath.

A manager finally comes up.

Manager: “[Cashier], what are you doing?”

The cashier explains the situation.

Manager: “[Cashier], you do stuff like this to her every time she comes in. They are digital coupons. That’s what they do. She is fine. Give her the receipt and leave her alone.”

The cashier argued for a second before inevitably giving me my receipt, and I promptly left. I was pretty mad about the cashier’s behavior, but hey, at least the manager was cool.

Related:
The Couponator 35: Dog Food Day Afternoon
The Couponator 34: Blast From The Past
The Couponator 33: The Double Cross
The Couponator 32: Attack Of The Rulebreaker
The Couponator 31: Saved By The Next Generation

There is a very famous retail chain in Canada that is known for giving away small denominations of store credit with most purchases. They are printed on paper and are designed to simulate banknotes. They’re even printed by the same company that makes actual Canadian dollars. The denominations are really small, however. They start at $0.05 and can go all the way up to $2.00, but anything higher than $0.25 is rather uncommon. If you live in Canada, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

If you have enough of these notes, you can use them towards your next purchase at their issuing retailer, just like you would use cash. Once again, the denominations are usually so small that they aren’t very practical. I have never seen anyone try to use them seriously.

Then, there’s my dad. He has been shopping at this chain for at least two decades. He actually saved up all these micro-credits over the years and decided to use them once and for all, so we got in the car and drove to the nearest store.

He only got one item. It was a $17 drain pan for changing your car’s oil. Like a wise guy, my dad pulled out his wad of fantasy money and started laying them on the counter. Imagine trying to pay for your shopping with mostly nickels and dimes; that’s basically what he was doing. The cashier had this crestfallen look on his face, while the customers behind us in line noticed what was going on and walked away to other cash registers.

It was such a cumbersome ordeal that my dad actually lost count a few times. That wasn’t even a cruel joke that some customers like to play; he actually lost count. Counting these bills took so long that the cashier begged my dad to stop. He even offered to just give us the item and deal with the consequences later. My dad was never the type to cut corners, so he declined the cashier’s offer and continued trying to pay him properly.

Once all was said and done, my dad got his pan along with a receipt for his purchase. He even had a lot of his original credit left over. He decided to deposit his remaining credits into a nearby donation bin; there is a charity organization that accepts these notes. As far as I can tell, this is what most customers actually do with these notes.

Customer: “But why can’t I use this coupon?”

Manager: “Because it has expired, ma’am.”

Customer: “But why?”

Manager: “Because it’s expired, ma’am. The date on the coupon has already passed.”

Customer: “But why?”

Manager: “Because… time is linear?”

Customer: “But why?”

Manager: “I just manage a grocery store, ma’am. You’ll need to speak to a physicist for those bigger questions.”

I work at a pet store with a grooming salon. A woman comes up to the register with her freshly groomed dog under her arm.

Me: “Hi there, how—”

She rattles off her phone number.

Customer: “…and I have a coupon.”

She hands me her grooming paperwork showing an $80 bill and a photocopy of the front of a coupon from a booklet you can buy. It is for a free bath, not a full groom which includes nails, ears, and a haircut, and, again, it’s only a photocopy of the front of the coupon.

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t—”

Customer: “Your manager approved using this already.”

Me: “I didn’t—”

Customer: “Listen, sweetheart. I’m good at getting people fired. Just put the coupon through, or I’ll stand here and call corporate.”

Me: “This coupon is invalid. I’m sorry.”

Customer: *Heavy sigh* “Okay. I didn’t want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice.”

She pulls her phone out, dials a number, and starts talking almost immediately.

Customer: “Yes, I’m at your [Town] location, and… *reads my name tag* “…[My Name] won’t honor your coupon for a free bath.” *Barely a pause* “Yes, I spoke to the manager, [Generic Man’s Name], and he approved it.”

Me: “Ma’am—”

Customer: *Holding up a finger in my face* “Yes, I told [My Name] to do it, but she is refusing. I expect more from [Pet Store], to be quite honest.”

Me: “Ma’am—”

Customer: “I am talking to your corporate.”

Me: “Okay.”

I lean against the register and wait.

Customer: “Yes, you agree she should put it through, or she’s fired? Thank you.”

She puts her phone away, smiling.

Customer: “Well, go ahead.”

Me: “Ma’am, not only is this a photocopy of a coupon — which is invalid — but it’s a photocopy of an expired coupon.”

Customer: “Well, corporate said—”

Me: “And our corporate office closed two hours ago.”

Customer: “But your manager said—”

Me: “Who?”

Customer: “[Generic Man’s Name].”

Me: “I am the store manager. I did not approve this coupon. You did not speak to corporate. Now, you can pay, or I can call the police.”

She slams down a $100 bill. I make a whole show of checking the authenticity before returning the change. 

Customer: “I will never be back.”

Me: “Okay. Have a nice life.”

She has been back several times since but has not tried to pull that scam again.