You Ended Up Being His Plus One

, , , , , | Right | August 4, 2020

I work day-of wedding coordination at an extremely upscale country club in the south. Because it is so expensive to join the club and host events, members expect everything to be PERFECT.

A big part of my job is making sure the wedding party and hosts are happy no matter what, so if there are any issues at all, we handle it. This happens about five hours into a reception with an open bar, wine service, and passed drinks.

A coworker speed-walks up to me with a look of slight panic.

Coworker: “There’s an issue with a guest. I need your help outside.”

Outside, a man is so intoxicated that he’s rolling in the grass like a turtle stuck on its shell, completely unable to stand up on his own or speak. We enlist some bartenders to help us half-carry him inside. We prop him up in a chair away from other guests, and he almost immediately passes out onto the table.

Bartender: “I’ll get him some water, but you need to stay here and make sure he doesn’t fall out of the chair and hurt himself.”

Me: *To the other coordinators* “I’ll stay here with him. We need to figure out if he has any friends or relatives who can take him home. Don’t bother the hosts if you don’t have to. Oh, and maybe get a trash can, as well, in case he vomits.”

It turns out the man was at the wedding completely alone, leaving his wife and kids at home in another state and knowing no one in town except the groom. Along with another coordinator, I spend the next hour physically keeping this semi-conscious, significantly-larger-than-me man in his chair and holding a trash can up to his face as he vomits, sometimes missing the can and getting on me. The smell is unbelievable.

A few guests notice, and we have to keep a permanent unfazed, pleasant expression saying, “Oh, don’t worry at all! This happens all the time.” Eventually, the — also very intoxicated — groom spots his friend.

Groom: “Heeey, [Friend]! How you doing, buddy? Looks like you’ve had a great time.”

He sees my coworker holding the man’s shoulders to keep him from falling forward out of the chair while he heaves into the trash.

Groom: “If I knew I could get a back rub out of it, I might just be sick next!” *Winks* “Well, I don’t want anything to do with this, but he’s a great guy, so take care of him.” *Wanders off*

The wedding finally ended and we were able to get the man into a wheelchair and roll him to the guest shuttle back to his hotel. An absolute angel of a guest and her husband volunteered to chaperone him and make sure that he got to his room safely. If I hadn’t smelled like vomit, I would have hugged her.

After all this, I still had to pack the married couple’s overnight bags, deal with a hissy fit from the bride, clean up the reception space, and accommodate last-minute requests from the host to pack items she was supposed to bring home that night and hold them for the next morning. By the end, we’d been on our feet for more than eight hours straight with no breaks or food.

We were not tipped.

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Unfiltered Story #191604

, , , | Unfiltered | May 16, 2020

At the time of this story I was working as a waitress at a country club pool. The food was served in plastic bowls. Usually the members were very nice and had good manners.

Me: (bussing tables when a member comes up with three food bowls stacked on top of each other, but with trash still in each bowl)

Member: Hey can you take care of this for me? We’re about to leave.

Me: Absolutely, no problem.

Member: Great thanks. Oh and watch out for that last one. (winks)

Me: (puzzled, but I go to empty each one out) OH MY GOD!

(In the last bowl was a dirty diaper. I told my manager about it but because I didn’t know the members name and had several hundred people at the pool that day we weren’t able to track him down. I threw all the bowls out.)

Hope For Humanity Is Elevating

, , , , , | Right | April 2, 2020

(There’s an office party in a nearby member’s club. My friends headed to it before I did as I had to work late, so I arrive on my own. I’m scared of lifts and so, even though the party is on the eighth floor, I attempt to take the stairs. The security guards spot me on the way down.)

Guard #1: “Hey! Didn’t we tell you there was a lift?”

Me: “Yeah, you did. It’s just, uh, I’m scared of lifts and I kind of took a look at this one and thought I’d be happier on the stairs.”

Guard #1: “Oh. I’m afraid the stairs only go to the sixth floor and then the doors are locked.”

Me: *laughs* “Yeah, I noticed that. I guess I’ll just have to suck it up.”

(I start to walk to the lift. I hear the second security guard ask the first one what happened.)

Guard #2: “Hold on! Wait there!”

(I turn around. The guard walks up to me.)

Guard #2: “How about I ride up with you?”

Me: “Oh, no, don’t worry. I’ll just suck it up.”

Guard #2: “Nah, it’s fine.” *presses the button and walks in* “Come on in.”

(I walk in. He closes the door and presses the button for the eighth floor.)

Guard #2: “You see, nothing is going to happen. I’m here, riding with you, so we’re going to be fine. I promise.”

(True to his word, we got to the eighth floor without dying. I didn’t see him for the rest of the evening, but if you’re out there, my friends said they were worried about how I’d get up there, given my phobia, and thought you were incredibly sweet for riding up with me.)

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Unfiltered Story #190984

, , | Unfiltered | March 30, 2020

(So members of the country club I work at get a $90 food minimum to spend every three months, the receipts for any order at the bottom show the amount of the minimum that is left. So this little kid walks up to the counter and orders, he comes every day with at least two friends)
Kid: Can I have three fries?
Me: Sure!
Kid: (looks at receipt with amount at bottom): Hey! Why does is say unspent $6.70?
Me: Well bud, that’s how much of the $90 you still have to spend before your minimum is used up!
Kid: But I haven’t bought that much!
(Again, this kid and his friends come in every day and order at least 3 things each)
Me: Well that’s what the computer says but it may be a mistake!
(Next day, kid is back)
Kid: Well I showed my mom the receipt and we know that the unspent number is just what I have spent that day so you were wrong! Next time don’t lie to me!
(My manager is standing behind me laughing her ass off as the kid runs off)
Manager: Wtf was that?

Unfiltered Story #160062

, , , | Unfiltered | August 9, 2019

Customer: Is this Wal-Mart?

Me: Yes.

(This was an actual question asked to me by a woman while I was in the entrance of the store where the carts were stored.)