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The Devil Wears Costumes

| WV, USA | Holidays

(My best friend works in a seasonal Halloween store in our town. Since it’s only open for a little over a month each year, and the sister store is a 45 minute drive away, they can get a lot of business most days. A mutual friend and I go to her work to hang out and look around while we wait for her to get off. The staff is small, but we’re all very close. One of her coworkers has just gotten off the phone and huffs, noticeably irritated.)

Mutual Friend: “Angry customer?”

Worker: “It’s this woman I’ve been trying to contact about a costume. She needed a size for it we didn’t have, so we had to get it from our store in [Town 45 minutes away] and she didn’t answer our call yesterday so I left a message, except she never called back. So I called her again when we opened this morning and she’s just now getting to me demanding why I’m bothering her. I say, if you want the costume you need to get it today or I have to put it on the shelves for others to look at. It’s a very popular costume this year, and she says she’ll stop by when she’s ready.”

Owner: “You can’t please everyone. We have policies like this for a reason. I can’t tell you how many people want us to hold items but never get them.”

(Fast forward about an hour. The store closes in twenty minutes at nine pm when a pair of young women walk in and head straight for the service counter. It’s obvious this is the woman on the phone and we watch her snatch the costume bag from the coworker’s hands. Our friend is manning the changing rooms and walks over.)

Friend Working: “Ma’am? Can I suggest you try the costume real quick before checking out? Just to make sure everything fits comfortably?”

Woman: *snottily* “Well, why? Like, I already know it fits me.”

Coworker: “It’s just that our policy states all sales are final. We don’t do any returns or exchanges so if something is wrong or missing from the outfit, we need to know now so you’re getting everything you wanted.”

Woman: “Ugh, FINE!” *stomps over to the fitting rooms*

(I’m sitting on the floor with our mutual friend watching the exchange. We’ve made our purchases, most of the lights in the store are off, and other workers are sweeping or unplugging their props for the night. The woman and her friend then spend the remaining time in the front mirror outside the changing rooms loudly gossiping and complaining.)

Woman: “I don’t see why I have to do this. If I don’t like it, I’ll get my money back. It’s just a cheap costume anyway.”

Woman’s Friend: “Like, yeah! As if we weren’t already busy. Whatever.”

(Almost fifteen minutes after the store should have closed for the night, the woman finally gets dressed, buys the outfit and leaves in a huff. My friend grabs her jacket, clocks out, and practically RUNS to our car.)

Me: “Wow, [Friend], I thought I got all the horrible people at my job!”

Friend Working: “That’s not even the half of it. We get people like that ALL the time. Even people who try to come in December and call [Owner] as if he should even be open then to sell Halloween stuff!”

Mutual Friend: “They were some straight up b****es.”

Friend Working: “I would have said something if they weren’t going to buy it, but whatever. That’s not even the worst part. When she went to the counter to pay, she demanded a discount for the trouble we caused HER. She said we owed her for ruining her day-off by having to come in and pick up her order.”

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Makes You Just Go ‘Powwow’ Wow

| Coeur d'Alene, ID, USA | Popular, Tourists/Travel

(There’s a few Reservations around the region, and there’s an annual powwow that takes place in June. We run into this issue every year, and this is usually how it goes:)

Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “Could you find me one that sits on my head right?”

(He holds up an “Indian headdress” – the kind that’s a bunch of dyed multicolored feathers strapped to a band.)

Me: “Uh… are you going to the powwow?”

Customer: “Yep! I wanted to go, and I wanted to be authentic.”

Me: “I would highly suggest you do NOT wear that to the powwow.”

Customer: “What? Why? Isn’t this traditional?”

Me: “No, it’s not. For one, it looks nothing like a real war bonnet, and secondly, in most tribes a real headdress is reserved for great leaders and warriors, and are considered sacred.”

Customer: *blank look*

Me: “It’s considered offensive.”

Customer: “Oh…”

(Usually most customers would put it back, but it happens every year.)

Can’t Em-Bra-ce Her Tomboyishness

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids

(I am working the rentals department of a costume shop when I was forwarded a call.)

Me: “Hi, what can I help you find today?”

Customer: “I was wondering if you have any mini skirts, low cut blouses, push up bras, high heels, that sort of thing.”

Me: “Yes, we might have something like that. What type of event do you need it for?”

Customer: “It’s not for me; it’s for my daughter. She just got her degree and is interviewing for a job.”

Me: “…What job is she interviewing for?”

Customer: “It’s for [Major Video Game Developer]. She’s a video game programmer.”

Me: “I’m sorry. She’s going in for an interview and she needs what, now?”

Customer: “Don’t you think she needs to wear something sexy? You know, since there are so many men in that field?”

Me: “What does your daughter think she should wear?”

Customer: “Oh, she’s a tomboy. She’d wear a T-shirt if I let her. But don’t you agree with me? Shouldn’t she wear something sexy?”

Me: *afraid to outright disagree with a customer* “I think you should consult someone in the industry about what’s appropriate.”

Customer: “She needs to show a little cleavage, you know? With a mini skirt?”

Me: *completely flabbergasted* “…I’m sorry, I don’t think we have anything to help you.”

Christmas Cancellation Fee

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(A man rented six Santa suits for his various insurance company locations, as he owns several. Two hours before he is to pick up his order he calls in.)

Caller: “Hi, I’d like to cancel the Santa suits, and I’d like a refund.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we require at least 48 hours’ notice for all cancellations.”

Caller: “But I don’t need these any more.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s in the rental contract you signed that you can’t cancel the day of and get a refund.”

Caller: “What, actually you expected me to read that thing!?”

(Our contract is one page long, size-14 font, with all major points in bold, and we go over each point with the customer before they sign it. But apparently that was too much for an insurance salesman to read.)

The True Justice League

| Queens, NY, USA | Geeks Rule, Top

(A cop comes in, in uniform and out of breath.)

Cop: “Batman.”

Employee: “Sorry?”

Cop: “Batman. Mask. Where can I find one?”

Employee: “Uh, we’ve got a selection of—”

(The cop grabs a mask, shoves a stack of money into the employee’s hand, and runs out.)

Employee: “What the f*** just happened?”

(I’m wondering the same thing, so I take off after the cop, only to find a second cop waiting for him.)

Second Cop: “You find one?”

Bat Cop: *puts on the mask* “Yeah. Think it’ll work?”

Second Cop: “It’s worth a shot…”

(They walk around the corner, so I follow to find a drunk man clinging to a second-story window dressed as Spider Man.)

Drunk Spidey: “Y’all just fake cops. Gonna be the Joker or some s*** behind that badge!”

Bat Cop: *in a deep voice* “Spiderman. Come on down. We have work to do.”

Drunk Spidey: *after a long pause* “We do?”

Bat Cop: “The city is in danger. I need your help.”

(Slowly, the drunk man climbs down until he’s hanging from the bars of the window. One of the cops has found a stepladder and they manage to cajole him into climbing down. It looks like they’re going to let him go until…)

Drunk Spidey: “Yo, Batman! Is there such thing as, like, bat-heroin? Cause I used all my spider heroin!”

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