I used to work retail at a year-round costume store, and we would get some pretty interesting customers.

I was closing on a random Friday night. About an hour before we were going to close, a regular customer walked in with a guy. I happened to know from past experience that this customer was a lady of the night. The guy came in with this huge black duffel bag. The store was a mom-and-pop shop and had a strict policy about not carrying large bags or purses around the store to help curb shoplifting.

Me: “Sir, we have a policy against large bags in the store. Please either take it out to your car or leave it up front with me.”

He was kind of squirrely, but after some back and forth, he finally agreed to leave the bag up front.

Guy: “I have a lockbox in this bag with some loose diamonds in it. I don’t want to leave it unattended.”

He pulled out the lockbox to show me, and since it was small and would be cumbersome to get into, I told him it was fine to carry it around the store with him.

I then found out from the woman that they were going to be driving out of town to get married. They were stopping by the store so that he could buy her a wedding dress. We didn’t sell wedding dresses, but I told her that we had some really cool corseted dresses if she wanted to take a look at those.

She went to do that while the guy wandered around with his lockbox. He was constantly going on to me and all the other employees about how rich he was. He also told us that in addition to being a diamond dealer, he was an “astrologist” who worked for NASA.

After trying on a few dresses, the woman finally found one she liked and brought it up to check out. The dress rang up at about $180. When the dude saw the price he completely lost it, and an argument ensued.

After about ten minutes of arguing with him, the woman decided to go back and get a different dress, but she reminded him that they also needed a ring and that he should pick something from our costume jewelry while she found a new dress. I showed him some rings, and he picked one.

Me: “Okay, that one is $12.”

Guy: “Oh. Can you show me something cheaper?”

He finally settled on the $2 ring.

I told everyone to go ahead and start on closing duties while the couple finished shopping.

About twenty minutes after we closed, the woman came up with a $40 vintage-style dress. After a little more arguing, the guy finally agreed to pay for the dress. However, she also wanted a pair of shoes and flatly refused to leave without them. She was wearing a ratty pair of canvas tennis shoes. He kept insisting that they would “look great” with the dress and that she didn’t need shoes.

They continued to argue, and by that point, we were coming up on almost a half-hour after closing. My coworkers and I were supposed to be clocking out, and I still needed to close the drawer. Sick of listening to them argue — and wanting to make staying open later as worthwhile as I could — I told the guy:

Me: “Since you have a case full of diamonds, surely you can afford to pay for the shoes.”

The guy got angry, grabbed his bag, and stormed out. The woman ran out after him and dragged him back to pay for the dress and ring. She then bought the shoes herself.

I wished her the best of luck, and she was on her way.

After they were gone, I locked up and finished closing. About fifteen minutes later, when I was leaving, I noticed that they were still in the parking lot arguing. I’m fairly sure that wedding didn’t happen.

I have recently begun work at a local family-run costume shop. Our store is relatively small compared to some other bigger Halloween stores, but we have a huge amount of inventory and many loyal customers (who tend to come to us before other stores). I’m the only worker there who really loves horror movies, so I make it a point to know where all our horror merchandise is and what we have.

I’m restocking when a customer approaches me.

Customer: “Do you have any prop knives from the new [Popular Horror Franchise] movie?”

Me: “We don’t have any from the newest movie, but we do have these replicas from some of the older films that might work!”

I show him our display. He shakes his head.

Customer: “No, I really wanted the newest one.”

Me: “Did you see it on our website? We have a lot of inventory, so sometimes things that are listed there will be stored in the back room instead of on the floor.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I just assumed you’d have it since [Online Retailer] does. It comes in a box, if that helps!”

Ah, yes, it comes in a box. Like every other prop knife we sell. The customer left disappointed and I was left scratching my head.

A customer is trying on a Halloween outfit and then brings it back out to me from the dressing room.

Customer: “This is dirty; I want a discount.”

Me: “Where is it dirty?”

Customer: “There! It has lipstick on it!”

Me: “Your complaint would work better if you’d bothered to wipe off the makeup you have on that matches what’s on the costume.”

Customer: “Are you implying I did this?!”

Me: “No, I’m outright accusing you. You break it, you bought it. $59.99. Cash or card?”

My manager backed me up but sadly the customer stormed out without purchase or paying. I was able to get most of the lipstick out.

It’s Halloween. A guy comes in and buys a trench coat costume. He comes back in later, wearing the trench coat, which is now cut up to about the navel.

This is all that he is wearing.

He just casually strolls through the aisles, until we figured out what’s going on and asks him to leave.

Customer: “Do you like what you see?”

Manager: “No, it’s a really sub-standard penis costume; looks nothing like the real thing. Now get out before we call the police.”

He scowled at not getting the reaction he wanted and stormed out. We called the police anyway since the idiot had paid with his debit card.

I do freelance seamstress and custom costume work on the side while working at a part-time job and as an intern for a dance costume company. Back in November, the part-time job had significantly cut my hours, so I took on a few extra freelance projects to bring in money, and one of them was for a friend of mine who was looking to put together a costume.

Client: “Hey, I know people commission costumes from you sometimes. I was hoping you could maybe make a costume for me based on [Character] from [Video Game Franchise]?”

Me: “Yeah, sure. I have some time right now, and if you could give me some more details, I’m sure we could figure something out.”

She proceeded to provide me with some reference images, and we agreed on a time frame as a basic price point. We were both full-time students working part-time jobs, so I was willing to cut her a bit of a break on my labor costs, and with her permission, I looked into using materials that were a little cheaper in quality than what I usually used. I usually have the client also make a down payment of around half the price at the start of the project, but she had bills to pay, and I was naive, so we agreed on a payment plan for once the project was finished.

Just to reiterate my stupidity at the time, the project was a true full costume, including a fair dozen garment pieces, as well as some light armor and small accessories and props, and I was being paid a pittance. I cannot express how considerably low the price was for the project because I just really needed the work.

I fully broke down the pricing of the project for [Client] in a level of detail I won’t go into here, which was also explained to her in person on multiple occasions.

Me: “Okay, the cost for all of the materials will be [material cost] and the labor will be [labor cost], making the total for the project [total]. Does that work for you?”

Client: “I could definitely pay that!”

Me: “Sounds good to me. I will get the materials tomorrow, and I can start working on the project immediately. It will be done in about two weeks.”

I completed it on schedule.

Me: “Here it is! If you’re happy with the completed project and there’s nothing else to alter, your payment plan will start on [date #1] and I will be in touch.”

Client: “Everything is perfect and looks great! I love you! This means a lot, to be honest.”

After literal months of contacting her through phone and email and talking to her in person, I never saw a dime of the agreed amount, and I was beginning to get distinctly frustrated. Finally, she began actually responding to me again.

Me: “Hello, [Client], it has been nearly half a year since I made that costume for you, so I really need to figure out with you how you would like to pay.”

Client: “I completely understand. I’ve been avoiding it, and that’s really s***ty of me. How much was it again?”

Me: “We agreed on [total] as the total, but if you don’t have all of that together now, as long as we put together a detailed payment plan, I’d completely understand.”

I proceeded to brainstorm a variety of payment plans and solutions that could maybe work for her. She put together what she had of the total at the time, and we agreed that she would pay me [amount] the next day and the rest on [date #2]. I thought it was a little weird because she wanted to pay in cash, and I usually conduct business through Paypal, but I was just relieved to finally at least get back my material costs.

That night, at literally midnight she texted me with a screenshot of my original price breakdown from November.

Client: “Hey, so, like, I looked at our old messages at the price we had originally agreed on, and it was only [material cost], not [total]. I took screenshots as proof, and I promise I’m not trying to cheat you out of anything; I just really do not have the funds to pay [total].”

Me: “It’s not [material cost] because that was just the material cost; I charged you for materials and labor because I don’t work for free. That’s what the message says. [Material cost] + [labor cost] = [total]. I can get my receipts for the materials and tax paperwork for you if you want.”

Client: “Okay, you just never specified when we first agreed to the whole commission.”

Bulls***.

Client: “Honestly, if I knew the original price was gonna be [total], I wouldn’t have asked for it because I know I don’t have the funds. However, since you obviously already did it, I have to pay for it.”

Me: “I’m sorry if you misunderstood, but I definitely specified right there in the screenshot that you sent me what the cost would be.”

Client: “It’s fine. I’ll try my hardest to get it all to you.”

I had to physically go to her house the next day to get the cash from her, and after I arrived, she slammed the door in my face while I stood there, stunned. She came back a few seconds later with the amount we discussed and reiterated that I would have the rest by [date #2]. [Date #2] came, and I contacted her again to make sure she would be paying me the rest.

Me: “I haven’t heard from you, and it’s the date we agreed on, so I just wanted to ask: when do you think I’ll be able to come to get the money from you?”

Client: “Well, since I don’t have a job, my boyfriend has to help me, so I have to talk to him.”

What kind of actual human adult acts like this?

Despite my attempts, I got radio silence for the next fifteen days.

Me: “Hello. I’m checking in again because the last time I saw you, you said you’d be able to pay me back, and it has been a couple of weeks. I really need the money by [date #3]. This needs to be finished. I think I have been more than patient.”

Client: “Fine, I’ll get it.”

Yesterday, nine months after the end of the initial project, I received the remaining amount in cash and, weirdly enough, a handful of quarters, dimes, and nickels. Was all of that worth the trouble? Definitely not. Am I pleased as punch that I never have to see her again? Absolutely.

I’d like to kind of bookend this by saying that before this project and since, I have worked on a variety of projects for friends and family along with my usual freelance work, and I have never had an issue of this caliber with any of them. I’m honestly baffled by the whole thing.