Can’t Get Rid Of The Shampoo Or This Customer

, , , , , , | Right | August 27, 2018

(We have a regular customer who is notorious for coming to various different staff members with the same question; however, her questions are always really odd, such as, “Which one of your shampoos will be good for gardening?” or “Which bar of soap looks prettiest when you get it wet?” and so forth. What’s more, whenever she tries a product, she insists it didn’t work properly or that she was allergic to something in it. Today she’s back and she’s returned to the shampoo, wanting to talk about a certain one she purchased the previous week.)

Me: “How did you get on with this shampoo?”

Customer: “How do you mean?”

Me: “Well, what did it do for your hair?”

Customer: “Uh…”

Me: “Did you like it?”

Customer: “Oh. Um. Yeah, it was okay. I think it made my hair shiny, but it was wet, you know?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “When I washed it, my hair was wet, so I don’t really know if it was good or not.”

Me: *trying to keep a straight face at this point, because I don’t know whether to laugh or facepalm* “Okay, um…”

Customer: “Also, do you have anything that won’t stay in my hair?”

Me: “How do you mean?”

Customer: “Like, every time I wash my hair, I always have loads of shampoo still left in it when I’m finished. Do you have any shampoos that won’t do that?”

Me: “None of them are meant to do that… I mean, I’ve never had that problem myself, and I don’t know anybody else who has… Perhaps you just need to take a little more time to make sure you’ve rinsed it out properly?”

Customer: “It just happens all the time. Why does that happen?”

Me: “Yeah, like I said, maybe it just needs a little extra rinsing.”

Customer: “So, can you just remind me what all these shampoos do again?”

(I know for a fact that she was perfectly well aware of what our products do; not only had I told her before, but several of my colleagues had as well, and she owned several of our catalogues. I still went through the various different products we had with her until I got called over to the tills, after which I looked up and she was gone. My coworker later told me the girl had come up to her while she was in the middle of helping another customer and tried to interrupt, so my coworker blanked her. She then left, but not before declaring that she’d be back next week.)

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Shoplifting For The Holidays

, , , , | Working | December 23, 2017

I’ve gone to a particular cosmetics store to buy something for my mother as a Christmas present; it’s a box set of some sort of cosmetics. The store doesn’t have any bags of their own, to which I say it’s no worry, as I already have a bag with me from a different store after doing some other Christmas shopping. Granted, it does involve taking everything out and back in again, but it doesn’t take long.

I eventually get home, and set the bag to one side.  I think to myself, “It’s just Christmas presents. I’ll wrap them up later.” Later that day, I realise that I have also bought some other items that I am running low on, so I go to the bag to retrieve them. As I rummage through the bag, I feel an object that seems out of place. I take it out the bag and I find it’s a small tube of hand cream from the cosmetics store. Perhaps it had fallen out of the box that I bought, so I open that up to check the contents are all there. They indeed are; in fact, this hand cream is a different scent from the others, and since this item is also not listed on the receipt, this thing obviously should not be on my person right now.

I go back the next day intent on returning the item as I shouldn’t have it in the first place. As it happens, the store manager is working behind one of the tills. As I hand the tube of hand cream back to the other staff member, the manager takes a look at it. They go, “Y’know what, because of your honesty, you can keep it.” They add, “We’ll just write it off,” and hand the tube back to me.

What had appeared to have transpired was that, when I was unloading and reloading my shopping bag, a display that was carrying an assortment of small tubes of hand cream must have somehow gotten knocked, causing one to fall into my shopping bag. Funny enough, as I was explaining this to the manager, two more tubes fell off of it onto the floor that very second.

Thus ends the tale of how I accidentally shoplifted and was allowed to keep the spoils.

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Bath Bomb And On And On

, , , | Right | June 23, 2017

Customer: “Hi, I wanted to buy one of your premade gift boxes but I can’t spare more than 20€ on it.”

Me: “Sure, we’ve got this option over here with a piece of soap and a moisturizer.”

Customer: “I’d prefer if it had some bath bombs or bath bubbles.”

Me: “Not a problem. This other one has one of each.”

Customer: “But only one of each is not enough.”

Me: “Well, if you don’t mind spending a bit more, for 25€ you can get this one that has two bombs and two bubbles.”

Customer: “And is there nothing under 20€?”

Me: “Yes, the ones I already showed you.”

Customer: “And what do they have?”

Me: “The first one has a piece of soap and a moisturizer…”

Customer: “But I want bath bombs.”

Me: “…and the second one has a bath bomb and a bubble.”

Customer: “Only one of each?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “And don’t you have anything with more than one bomb?”

Me: “Yes, as I already told you, there’s this option with two of each for 25€.”

Customer: “And is there no options under 20€?”

(At this point a supervisor notices I’m talking with a customer, which I shouldn’t be doing as I’m actually the stock controller. She takes over and I keep doing my job, but every time I pass near them, the conversation seems to be stuck in basically the same cycle. Around twenty minutes later, the customer comes to me again.)

Customer: *holding one of the boxes I already showed her* “What’s in this one?”

Me: “A bath bomb and a bubble.”

Customer: “And is there one that has more than one of each?”

Me: “…yeah, this one over here, but as we’ve seen earlier it costs 25€.”

Customer: “And is there nothing under 20€?”

Me: “Look, that’s all the options we have considering your needs. The only boxes under 20€ are the ones I already showed you.”

Customer: “Oh. And what’s in those?”

Me: “A bath bomb and a bubble.”

Customer: “Oh, right. Right.”

(After this she looks very confused and starts roaming inside the store, clearly unable to make a decision. Another half an hour later she’s still around, so I decide to check on her.)

Me: “How’s it going?”

Customer: “I don’t know… I’ll make a call to get another opinion on this.”

(Yet another half an hour passes when I see her in the till with the 20€ box and the 25€ one. She handles the second one to the cashier.)

Customer: “What’s in this one?”

Cashier: “Two bombs and two bubbles.”

Customer: “I guess I’ll take the other one then.”

(Later I was told by a coworker that she had been having the exact same conversation over and over with basically all of the staff.)

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No Good Deed Goes Unthreatened, Part 2

| Right | November 30, 2012

(I work for a cosmetics store. We’re collecting donations for a popular women’s charity. However, as I am not well off, and cannot donate more than a dollar or two here or there myself, I mention it very casually and do not think badly of those who do not donate, or donate small amounts.)

Me: “Okay, so your total is $x.xx. Would you like to round up your purchase for the charity we are supporting today? No obligation!”

Customer #1: “What does that mean?”

Me: “Oh, we’re supporting [Charity] for this month, so I’m just asking everyone if they would like to contribute any amount, even a few cents. No obligation, like I said, I have to ask each customer. I was asking if you wanted to contribute a few cents to round up your purchase to the nearest dollar today.”

Customer #1: “So, I look like some kind of sucker to you, I guess? I look like I have a goldmine just flowing out of my pockets? No, I will not be donating today. Thank you for the guilt trip!”

Me: “Alrighty, no problem. Your total is [total].”

Customer #1: “No. You tacked on a donation. I want the exact itemization of my purchase!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am.”

(I proceed to go over each item and add it up on a calculator, plus sales tax. Eventually, Customer #1 is satisfied. She’s still standing around, but I move on to the next customer, Customer #2.)

Me: *to Customer #2* “How are you, today?”

Customer #2: “Fine, dear. Also, I’d like to donate 10 dollars towards [Charity] today.”

Me: “Thank you, Ma’am! And please take this gift as a thank you for your contribution!”

Customer #1: “Hey! Why does she get something for free and I didn’t?”

Me: “Ma’am, she made a donation towards [Charity], and we have free gifts for those who contribute certain dollar amounts. It’s on the signs in front of the register.”

Customer #1: *throws a penny at me* “I donated. Now give me the [ten dollar donation gift]!”

Me: “I am sorry, but that is for customers who contribute $10.00 or more towards [Charity]. I can’t give you this item for a penny contribution, although we do appreciate the donation.”

Customer #1: “Well, I donate several thousands of dollars to [Charity] every year! Give me the free gift!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am sorry, but donations that will earn you this gift must be made at this store. I apologize, but you can’t have this gift without a donation for the requisite dollar amount.”

Customer #1: “Give it to me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but this item is only for customers who make this certain donation amount. It’s a gift we give as a thanks for the donation towards [Charity].”

Customer #1: “You know what? That’s fine! Jesus will punish you! He will send you to Hell for being so greedy!” *walks away singing ‘Amazing Grace’*


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Magic 8-Ball: Conspiracy Edition

| Right | October 31, 2011

(I am asking if a customer would like to get our discount card. She agrees and then starts to fill out the information.)

Me: “What is your name, ma’am?”

Customer: “I don’t want any of my information in the BEAST!”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer: “The beast is a 6 foot wide computer in Berlin.”

(My coworker walks out of the break room to see what the commotion is about. The customer sees him and turns to address him.)

Customer: “Did you know IBM kept the registry for all of the Jews in the Holocaust?!”

(My coworker and I just stand there in silence and I continue ringing though the transaction.)

Customer: “Facebook is going to be the end of us!”

(She then pays and we think she’s leaving and everything is fine. Suddenly, as she is walking out of the store, she turns around and screams.)

Customer: “Canada is in GRAVE danger! To be forewarned is to be forearmed!”

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