What Happens In Vegas, Part 2

| Right | November 30, 2011

(A male customer in his late twenties, who I recognize as one of our regulars, enters the store flamboyantly. He is usually a very high-energy person, so this is nothing out of the ordinary.)

Me: “What’s up, [customer]?”

(He walks up to the counter and slams a huge wad of American money down in front of me.)

Customer: “Guess how much is there. If you guess right, you can have it.”

Me: “Uh…$3500?”

Customer: “Nope! It was $2500! You were close though!”

(All of the sudden, I smell the distinct scent of weed. I realize he’s totally high.)

Me: *trying not to laugh* “So, what are you doing with all that money?”

Customer: “I’m going to Vegas, baby! Also, I need to pick up that fax you got for me.”

(I retrieve the fax. As I’m doing so, an elderly woman walks into the store. My manager comes out to help her at the other end of the counter.)

Customer: “Okay, thanks! I have to leave now. I need to get all the way to the airport!”

Me: “All right, then. Have a good time in Vegas.”

(He walks out, then comes back in a second later as he’s forgotten his car keys on the counter. As he’s leaving again, he stops in front of the door and turns back to face us.)

Customer: “Woo! I’m going to get herpes!”

 

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Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 4

| Right | July 12, 2011

(On our self serve copiers, the customer must press a button on the screen indicating whether or not they’re finished copying. If they press “YES” they receive a receipt to take to the cashier.)

Customer: “I’ve never used these before!”

Me: “Not to worry, it’s really easy.”

(I proceed to give her the run down, including telling her not to press the “YES” button until she’s done with all of her copying for this visit. The customer proceeds to make one copy and press “YES”.)

Customer: “What? I don’t want a receipt yet!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, you just told it you were done making copies. Next time, press the ‘NO’ button if you still have more to make.”

(The customer proceeds to make another copy and presses “YES”.)

Customer: “Stupid machines!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you aren’t done, you should press ‘NO’.”

Customer: “I know! I know! I know! I know what I’m doing! I’ve just never used this machine before!”

(I finally gave up trying and went back to my work. She eventually came up to my register with over a dozen copy receipts, complaining how stupid the machines were.)

 

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A Timeless Request

, , , , | Right | April 29, 2011

(The art director of a local mid-sized advertising agency always wants everything right away. In fact, all his job orders are coded ‘HSR’ – Hot Screaming Rush.)

Me: “You want this today?”

Customer: *blank look* “Of course I want it today. If I wanted it tomorrow, I’d have brought it in tomorrow!”


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Their Question Speaks Volumes

, , , , | Right | March 21, 2011

Me: “Welcome! How may I help you?”

Customer: “How much will I save if I ask really loudly to have this laminated?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “The sign in the window says you give ‘large volume discounts’.”


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Acting Nutty

, , , , | Right | February 15, 2011

(I am helping a customer scan and email important documents to his insurance company. He speaks English very poorly.)

Me: “Okay, sir. The email is sending now. It will just take a moment. There! Sent!”

Customer: “Is sent?”

Me: “Yes. Your agent should get the email any second now.”

Customer: “Oh! Am so happy! Happy like SQUIRREL!”


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