(A customer comes to the counter with two sheets of black and white images she has printed from her computer.)

Customer: “Can you scan these and get someone to put all the pictures together so they go with the writing I have?”

Me: “Sure we can. Do you have these pages saved digitally?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Do you have them saved on a computer somewhere? Or on a USB drive?”

Customer: “Yeah, on my computer at home.”

Me: “Did you want to save them to a USB drive first and use the digital files? It would be a much better quality.”

Customer: “I don’t know what a USB drive is.”

Me: “It’s just a way of saving files so that you can transfer them to a different computer.”

Customer: “No. Just use my print out.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “But can you scan them in colour?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because those are black and white.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “We can’t scan them in colour if there is no colour to scan.”

Customer: “But they were in colour on my computer. So there’s colour in them.”

Me: “Yes, there was colour on your computer, but you printed them in black and white. So when we scan the black and white print out, it’s going to be in black and white.”

Customer: “But I want them in colour! I don’t understand why you can’t just change your scanner to the colour setting.”

Me: “I could change it to the colour setting, but there is no colour on this page to scan. It’s all in greyscale, so it’s only going to scan it in greyscale.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because a scanner just scans what it sees. It can’t pick up something that isn’t there.”

Customer: “But you have colour scanners!”

Me: “Yes, that is used to scan colour pictures.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why you can’t just scan it in colour!”

Me: “Because it’s not a colour picture.”

Customer: “Yes, it is! It was in colour before I printed it!”

(A customer calls up asking to order reprints over the phone. She is very pleasant and the order is completed smoothly. She indicates that she would like to pay over the phone, which is fine. I go to the front phone and register to take her information and ring her out.)

Me: “Okay. Your total comes to [total] with tax.”

Caller: “I have four $20 bills.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I don’t think I heard you correctly. How would you like to pay?”

Caller: “With cash. That way I can’t overspend. I have four $20 bills to use.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I cannot take cash over the phone. We take all major credit cards, or you can pay by cash when you pick up your order.”

Caller: “No. This is ridiculous. You’ll be busy when I pick it up. I just want to pay now and get it out of the way.”

Me: “I understand. We accept all major credit cards. I am ready whenever you are to complete the sale.”

Caller: “I’m not giving you that! You’re just trying to steal my credit card! I want to pay cash!”

Me: “If you would like to pay cash, you can come in and pay when you pick up the order. I cannot take cash over the phone.”

Caller: “But I have cash! My husband can tell you I have it right here!”

Me: “I believe you, but there is no way for me to accept your cash unless you come to the store in person. You are welcome to do that. Pre-paying is an option, not a requirement.”

Caller: “I want to pay now!”

(This continues for several minutes, until she finally decides to speak to my manager. Ultimately, she cancels the order, demanding that our company becomes more willing to accommodate multiple methods of payment in the future!)

(I work in a copy shop/shipping store. It has a modern all-glass front with two entrances. Currently, I am currently the only one on shift. A customer comes in.)

Customer: “Hi, do you sell stamps?”

Me: “No, sorry, we don’t sell postage. [Store across the street] has stamps, though, at every register, and they’re just down the stairs at the end of the parking lot.”

Customer: “Oh, all right. Thank you!”

(The customer leaves, but I watch her walk 10 feet to our other entrance, and enter our store again.)

Customer: “Hi, do you sell stamps?”

Me: “…I’m sorry, ma’am, we do not. However, if you go over to—”

Customer: “See, that’s what the other girl said, and she told me to come over to this location!”

Me: “Ma’am—”

Customer: “You young people need to learn to be clear when you’re giving directions!”

(As she says this, she looks around and the lightbulb goes off.)

Customer: “I’m in the same store, aren’t I?”

Me: *to customers* “Have a wonderful day!”

(The customers leave, and manager walks over.)

Manager: “Umm… you’re always supposed to tell the customers to have a great day.”

Me: “What did I say?”

Manager: “You said have a wonderful day.”

Me: “Isn’t that the same thing?”

Manager: “No, corporate has specifically asked that we say have a great day. That way we all wish them the same thing.”

Customer: “Can you just crop the sides of this photo down for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re not allowed to trim your property for any reason.”

Customer: “Not even if I sign a waiver?”

Me: “Unfortunately we’re no longer able to offer this service at all, since we’ve had customers try to sue us in spite of signing a waiver.”

Customer: “Well I’d sue you too, if you ruined my picture.”

Me: “…that’s precisely why we no longer offer that service.”

Customer: “Oh… right…”