(I work in a copy shop that runs on pretty high margins. Because of this, we will often offer up to around a 30% discount to new, possibly large clients in order to hook them in. That kind of discount will often be reflected in our program for businesses should they choose to continue working with us anyway.)

Me: “So [Client] is finally ready to print?”

Manager: “Yep. She wants 1000 double sided color copies.”

Me: “Really?! Great! The price on that will make up for all of those revisions that we did for her.”

(We had been working on revisions with this client for months. Most of the revisions were simply her changing her mind.)

Manager: “Eh, heh… Yeah… Well, uh, [General Manager] apparently set up a discounted price with them.”

Me: “Oh, well that’s all right. What’s the discounted price?”

Manager: “[Price that’s roughly 90% off of the normal price].”

Me: “… WHAT!”

Manager: “I know. He made me go to [Online Print Supplier] and quote their price.”

Me: “But… they can give those prices because they have a massive printing factory! And slower turnaround! We’ll lose money on that price! And they’ll expect that kind of pricing from now on!”

Manager: “I know… but [General Manager] said—”

Me: “Why didn’t he bring this up with me? I’m the supervisor now! I’ve been working on this project! I could have explained to him why this was a terrible idea!”

Manager: “That’s just what he said to do…”

(Lo and behold, we didn’t make our budget for that week.)

(Part of the territory of working in a copy and print shop is you are going to see some ‘private’ photos sometimes. While you are allowed to refuse to print something you are uncomfortable with, most of us don’t care and just turn the print upside-down once done to avoid offending other customers. On this particular day, a regular customer comes in, who we all know manages a ‘gentleman’s club’ in town.)

Customer: “Okay, the image is on this CD, it should be the only one there.”

Me: “Okay. Let me just look at it on the computer before you go, so I know it’s the right one and it copied to the disk properly.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: *realizing immediately that I can’t describe this image in front of other customers* “Er… sir, do you want to come around the counter and look to make sure the image is correct?”

Customer: *very loudly* “IS IT A M*DGET STRIPPING?”

Me: “…  Yes. Yes, in fact, it is…”

(I’m working the copy desk when a customer walks in.)

Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to print some photos on my flash drive.”

(She hands it to me.)

Me: “Alrighty. I’ll just hook it up and we can go from there.”

(I connect the flash drive to my computer and open the folder for it, to find that there is only one photo on it: a photo of the customer naked and rubbing ketchup and mustard on her large belly.)

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Yes, that one. I want it blown up to poster size, and I want 100 copies of that.”

Me: “I’m afraid it’s against our company policy to print, er, photos of an explicit nature, ma’am.”

Customer: “Really? Oh, darn. Well, do you at least like the picture?”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Then it was worth it to come here after all!”

(A customer approaches me, holding a USB drive.)

Me: “Hello! Got some printing to do today, I see. From your USB drive, there?”

Customer: “Hello! I need to print something from my USB drive!”

(I assume she didn’t hear all of what I said, hence repeating the bit about the USB drive, and continue.)

Me: “Alrighty, no worries! We’ll go over to the PC here and print. Will it be black and white, or color printing?”

Customer: “Black and white, and then I need to fax the pages.”

Me: “Sure thing! I’ll print them for you, and then you can use our self-serve fax machine by the wall there.”

Customer: “Okay!”

(The customer accepts her copies, and then continues to stand and look at me.)

Me: “So, you’re all set! Here’s your USB drive back.”

Customer: “I need to fax these.”

(By now I’m beginning to notice a trend. Apparently the customer doesn’t pay any attention to what I’m saying even when she’s asked a question.)

Me: “The fax machine is self-serve, ma’am, and it’s by that wall there. We also keep pens by the fax machine if you need to use one.”

Customer: “Oh, okay! But… have you got a pen I can borrow?”

(I repeat myself. Again.)

Me: “Ma’am, the pens are next to the fax machine which is by that wall. Just walk right down this counter and you’ll see the machine.”

(The customer sends her fax, then comes back to pay.)

Customer: “Can I check out here?”

Me: “Sure! Your total today is [price].”

(Just to be safe, I rephrase the total and repeat it to her, given how much attention she paid to everything I said before.)

Me: “That’s [total].”

(The customer puts her purse on the counter and rummages around a minute.)

Customer: “Wait, how much did you say it was?”

(A customer comes in to ask about a large printing order. I inform her that printing her order will take a few hours, but that we could have everything copied by the end of the day. She agrees to place an order with us, as she is in a rush and no other copy center in town could get the prints done in less than seven days.)

Me: “Do you know approximately how many pages you have here?”

Customer: “No… Why?”

Me: “Well, it’s just that the color copies are far more expensive than black and white, and I wanted to give you a quote before we begin. The color ones add up fast!”

Customer: “No, no. Just go ahead. My boss told me he’s being reimbursed anyway, so it doesn’t matter what it costs.”

(I’m skeptical, but she insists. As it turns out, ALL of her documents are in color. As she’s printing training manuals and reference books for a group of 26 employees, she ends up with over 8,000 printed pages of color documents.)

Customer: “And could you assemble them and put them all into binders for me?”

Me: “We sure can! If you hold on just a moment, I can give you a quote for the entire order, including assemb—”

Customer: “No. I don’t want a quote. Just go ahead and do everything.”

Me: “Are you sure? Because you have quite a lot of copies here, and assembly adds an additional fee.”

Customer: “No quote! I’ll be in to pick these up on Monday!”

Me: “But they’re $0.49 per page to start, and you’ve got—”

Customer: “Oh, well! My boss just wants everything done in color, and by Monday.”

(I go along with what the customer wants, but I’m still pretty certain she’s going to flip out when she sees the total, despite my attempts. Sure enough, Monday morning rolls around and the customer arrives…)

Me: “Okay! Your total for copies, tabs, binders, assembly, and all comes to approximately $2400 after tax.”

Customer: “What!? $2000!?”

Me: *sighs*