(This takes place in the self-serve area of our copy shop, where we have little tablet-like computers beside the copiers, where you can pay, insert a memory stick, or print from a few online sources.)

Customer: *pointing at the tablet screen which says “the copier is now ready to use”* “It’s not working! How am I supposed to get the files on my memory stick to show up!?”

Me: “It looks like you selected ‘Make Copies.’”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “If you’re printing from a USB, you need to select ‘Make Prints.’”

Customer: “That’s the same thing.”

Me: “Um… No, it’s not. ‘Make Copies’ would make photocopies at the copier. ‘Make Prints’ would mean you are printing something… from a digital source.”

Customer: “Well… I’ll give that to you… but they’re the same thing!”

(This happens at least twice a day at our self-serve computer, after the customer has asked for help.)

Me: “If you’re emailing it, you need to first open the Internet browser.” *points to it on the screen*

(The customer has a blank look on their face.)

Me: *pointing again* “Right there. Okay, now type in the provider of your email address.”

(The customer types in their email address in the website bar.)

Me: “No, not your full email, just the website you use to get at your email.”

(The customer types.)

Me: “Then, hit enter… Hit enter… The enter key, on the keyboard… The one that says enter.”

(The customer finds it.)

Me: “Now, click right here so you can sign in… Right here… No, left click. No, left click. Click the left button on the mouse… That’s the right button.”

(I work in a copy shop. It is an extremely busy day and it has been non-stop with customers and copy orders since we opened. This conversation starts after I tell a customer I don’t have time to do her order while she waits, since it’s so busy with other customers.)

Customer: “Okay. I guess I can come back at five for it, then.”

Me: “Okay.”

(We book in the order.)

Customer: “Okay, so, I can come back at one?”

Me: “Um, you said five.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I’ll be on my lunch at one, so it’s easier to come then.”

Me: “Let me see what other orders I have booked in.”

(I check to see when everything else is due. Getting it done by one will be tight, but I think I can do it.)

Me: “Okay, sure. Come back at one.”

(I basically panic getting the order done by one, but I do it with just a few minutes to spare. She doesn’t pick it up until five.)

Customer: “I hope you didn’t rush it for one!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Can I get this book copied?”

Me: “I’ll just have to look at the copyright.”

Customer: “No, don’t look at that!”

Me: “I have to. And it’s copyrighted, so I can’t copy it. Sorry.”

Customer: “Can I just do it myself?”

Me: “No, because that would be illegal.”

Customer: “Right, okay, but no one’s going to know. It would be hard to copy this since it’s all glued together. Can you show me how to do it so it comes out one page at a time?”

Me: “No, I can’t assist you with that, since it’s copyrighted. You could go to the bookstore and buy another one, if you want another copy of it.”

Customer: “Yeah. I just don’t know how to use the photocopier. Can you just show me how it works?”

Me: “No, sorry. I’m not allowed to assist you with it at all.”

Customer: “Hmm.”

Me: “I would highly suggest going to the bookstore and buying it there, so the author can stay in business.”

Customer: “Yeah…”

(Yeah, he photocopied it.)

(I’m working the counter of the copy center. We are one of the busiest in the metroplex for our company. Because of this, we sometimes have longer turn-times. A customer walks up who needs large-format engineering prints.)

Customer: “I need three of each of these, 24×36 inches.”

Me: “All right, that’s three sets of ten pages, 24×36 inches, black and white. When are you using these?”

Customer: “I need them now. I’m going to wait on them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but due to the high foot traffic today, we’re not going to be able to have these finished until [three hours from now].”

Customer: “This is unacceptable! I can’t believe you would have this kind of customer service. I come in all the time and I’ve never had to wait!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’ve just been slammed all day and are actually double-booked for several times. I’m not sure other orders are going to be finished on time as it is. If I put you before everyone else, it will just exacerbate things.”

Customer: “Well, I’m going to go to [Competitor]!”

Me: “I’m sorry we couldn’t help you today, sir. I hope they are able to finish your order sooner.”

Customer: *extended pause* “When can you have these done again?”

(We get a lot of customers that think we just don’t want to help them out, but we’re genuinely that busy. I guess he was trying to call my bluff.)

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