(I am in a copy shop. Sometimes, customers forget things at their workstation — their drive, their print card, etc. Anyone can print with any card, and a full one — good for 2000 pages of copying or print-outs — is worth $70. I find that someone has left their card in the slot I was going to use. I take it and go to a clerk.)

Me: “I found this card; the person using the computer before me must have forgotten it.”

Clerk: *warily* “And?”

Me: “I want to return it. Do you have a lost and found here?”

Clerk: “Yes, but…”

Me: “But what?”

Clerk: “Others don’t usually give them back.”

(I must have looked very perplexed at that, but the clerk smiled and took the card, saying she’d keep it safe until the owner came back. From that day on, all clerks recognized and smiled at me when I went into the shop, especially when I went to the main desk with found flash drives and cards while declaring that I wanted to give them back.)

(I am a woman in my 30s, picking up a framed photo of the extended family.)

Store Employee: “Nice picture! Is it for a family party?”

Me: “Yes, actually! It’s the great grandfather’s 90th birthday.”

Store Employee: “Those are some good genes!”

Me: “They sure are! He is actually my husband’s grandfather, though.”

Store Employee: “So, he’ll be the one to bury you, then.”

Me: *confused pause* “I… guess… so?”

(I work in a copy shop. A customer is in the self-serve area while I am at the computer printing an online order.)

Customer: “Excuse me!”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “I have this package of ink here, and it’s useless! I barely printed anything and that always happens to me! The last three cartridges I bought emptied out so fast!”

Me: “What kinds of things were you printing?”

Customer: “Court stuff.”

Me: “Okay, were the pages filled?”

Customer: “Yeah!”

Me: “Well, standard ink cartridges don’t actually have that much ink in them, and the page estimates on the boxes are only based on 10% page coverage, so that’s not a lot.”

Customer: “Well, I always run out! You sell bad ink cartridges! And now I have to use the self-serve to do all this stuff because I have too much printing to do on my little printer! And the last time I was here, someone stole the copier from me while I was sorting everything out and he stole my confidential papers! I wanted to make him go through his bag but I didn’t want to cause a scene! It’s ridiculous, this setup you have here! Anyone can just come and steal your stuff!”

Me: “What would you like me to do?”

Customer: “I want you to sell good ink!”

(I have a customer at cash, so I don’t respond to her and instead help the other customer, and I go about my day. Later…)

Customer: “Do you have some paper clips?”

(I grab one from the copy centre and hand it to her.)

Customer: “No, I need a bunch of them!”

Me: “Then you can buy a package from the shelf, if you like.”

Customer: “You’ll have to go get them for me; I can’t leave my stuff here or someone will steal it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m the only one working up here so I can’t leave.”

(The customer huffs and goes back to work on her things. Later…)

Customer: “How are you supposed to get a receipt printed from these things?! I always say I want a receipt and it never prints one!”

Me: “Okay, I can print it for you behind the counter.”

Customer: “I never get my receipt! This is ridiculous! And now people are looking at my stuff!”

Me: “Do you have the card you used at the copier? I can print you a receipt.”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s right here!” *waves it in the air and then shoves it in her purse* “And now people are coming in using the copiers next to me and I have to watch all my stuff! Also, I need to pay for these paper clips.”

(I walk over to the bag of paperclips she has on the self-serve counter, but it’s missing the top, which had the UPC.)

Me: “Do you have the top?”

Customer: “No, I cut it off.”

Me: “You didn’t keep it around? Because I need that to scan it.”

Customer: “No, you’ll have to go get me a new one!”

(There is someone else behind the counter at this point so I just run to get a new package to scan so I can be done dealing with her.)

Me: “Do you have the card you used so I can print your receipt?”

Customer: “I’m so sick of your store! I come in to do my prints and I keep getting interrupted!”

Me: “We interrupt you?”

Customer: *done paying by this point, and still hasn’t given me her card to print her receipt from the self-serve copier* “Other people using self-serve do! They come in and look at my things and they’re confidential! And then I have to hide them and organize them and make sure people don’t steal them! And your store sells bad ink! ACCEPT IT!”

(And then she stormed out and left. My coworkers and I kept telling each other to accept things for the rest of the day, like, “I’m going on lunch. ACCEPT IT!” and, “The phone’s ringing. ACCEPT IT!”)

(My manager hangs up the phone and starts mocking a customer he was just talking to about faxing prices. Note, we are in Canada.)

Manager: “SIX DOLLARS TO FAX TO THE STATES?!”

Me: “No, it’s two bucks; it’s only long distance to the States.”

Manager: “But it’s a different country. It’s out of our nation, so it’s international.”

Me: “But we have the same country code, so it’s long distance. I’ve also helped people dial to the states before and they didn’t have to put 011 in first. If it was international it wouldn’t have worked without dialing 011 first.”

Manager: “It’s still international. It doesn’t matter if it needs the 011 or not; it’s a different country.”

Me: “But I think it does matter. Just like the fax machine won’t dial a long distance number without the 1, it won’t dial an international number without the 011.”

Manager: “The 011 is needed when you’re sending to different continents. It still counts as international to send to the states.”

Me: *not wanting to argue anymore* “Then yes, it’s six dollars to fax to the states.”

(After he leaves, I Google it because I’m sure it’s only long distance. Another coworker starts to defend my manager.)

Coworker: “But what about my phone plan? I have unlimited Canada-wide calling. So, if I called the states, it would count as international.”

Me: “It would count as long distance. You can call long distance numbers within Canada for free, but if you call outside of Canada then it’s long distance unless your cell phone company just has an extra charge for outside of Canada.”

(I find it on Google and it says it counts as domestic long distance. My manager comes back out and I start to tell him I was right but he cuts me off.)

Manager: “I was actually coming out here to tell you that I called my old store, and they actually have a pricing break down of all the different types of faxing…” *long pause while he stares at me* “Aaand it’s long distance.”

Me: “HA! I knew it! I’m sorry that you’re wrong, but also I’m not actually sorry.”

(I work in a copy shop. I come into the work first thing in the morning to find my supervisor in a panic because, apparently, there was an order from the night before that didn’t even get started, and the customer is coming in an hour after opening to pick it up, and my supervisor knows nothing about it. The email relayed to me isn’t much help, so I call my coworker to ask her what I need to do. She explains everything, and explains why there were troubles, and after understanding the order I hang up and get started on it as fast as I can. There is some design work that I need to do, as well, and I am a little stressed trying to get it done on time. The customer comes in to pick it up not twenty minutes later.)

Me: “Oh, I’ve just started it.”

Customer: “That’s okay. I’ll wait around for it. But I’ll pay for it now if you want.”

Me: “Great.” *starts ringing everything up*

Customer: “Oh, so, you’re only doing 75 cards, right?”

Me: “75 pages with two cards on a page, which gives you 150 cards. Right?”

Customer: “I want two on a page, yes, but I only want 75 cards total.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I must have misunderstood. I thought you wanted 150 cards total. I already sent 75 pages to print. That’s okay; I just won’t cut and fold all of them.”

Customer: “Okay, thank you so much.”

(The customer pays for 38 sheets, and I finish the order as quickly as I can, a little stressed as she’s waiting at the counter for it to be done and I also have to multitask and help other customers at the same time. I make sure to count them all out before handing them over.)

Me: “Okay, you’ve got 76 cards here, all ready to go!”

Customer: “Oh, no, I wanted 150.”

Me: “You said you wanted 75, after I said I thought you wanted 150.”

Customer: “Well, two per sheet, and 75 sheets. Which makes 150 cards.”

(I almost pulled my hair out.)