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A Turn-Up For The Books

| ON, Canada | Bizarre, Books & Reading

(We are located in a mall, and for about five years, had a used book sale in the hallway right outside our store, with the money going to different charities every few months. With mall construction going on, we had to take it away.)

Customer: “Um, yeah, you used to have a book sale in the hall, but I don’t see any books anywhere.”

Me: “Yeah, we had to get rid of it, unfortunately.”

Customer: “So can I just give my books to you, then?”

Me: “No, we’re no longer doing the book sale.”

Customer: “So where do I take my books, then?”

Me: “Um, you can take them to the library, or I believe there is a used book store downtown you could take them to.”

Customer: “Ugh. I wanted to give them to you guys, though!”

Me: “Yes, but we no longer have a book sale.”

Customer: “Well, could I just put them on the floor in the hall?”

Me: “…No.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because then there would just be books on the floor in the hallway.”

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Doesn’t Even Read In Their Sleep

| ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer calls me over to the self-serve area.)

Customer: “Excuse me!? Doesn’t this thing work?”

Me: “Yes, of course it does.”

Customer: “Well the screen’s black and I’m pressing start and nothing’s happening.”

Me: “Did you press the ‘on’ button?”

Customer: “No. It should already be on! It’s not my job to turn it on!”

Me: “It is on; the copiers just go into sleep mode after a little while. The ‘on’ button wakes them up.”

(I point to the GIANT sign on the front of the copier that explains this while I talk to her.)

Customer: “Oh, are you kidding me? I don’t read things.”

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Calling Corporate Just After This Call

| MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Technology

(At my store, the manager instituted a policy that if a customer is on their phone, we’re not to wait on them until they finish. A customer comes in, busy making a call on his phone, and per policy, we wait to service them.)

Customer: *after some time, angrily* “Excuse me? I’ve been waiting for five minutes! Is someone going to help me?”

Manager: “Sir, we’d be happy to help you as soon as you finish up with your call.”

Customer: “Are you kidding me? I’m not hanging up my important call for you b****es!”

(The manager walks away. The rest of us don’t dare to go over to him again. After a while, the customer completely loses it.)

Customer: “I can’t believe this terrible customer service! I’m going to call corporate!”

Manager: *handing him a phone* “Here, I already dialed the number.”

(The customer became irate and left the shop. He never did put down his phone.)

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My Oh My Documents

| ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

(We have a self-service computer in the store, in which customers can pay per minute to check their email, browse the web, and print or scan files.)

Customer: “I need help scanning; I don’t know what I’m doing.”

(I show her how to scan.)

Me: “And then when it’s done, it’ll just save the file to ‘My Documents’, and that’s where you can get it from when you attach it to your email.”

Customer: “‘My Documents’!? Well I already have it saved there!”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “I have it saved at home in ‘My Documents’ so I don’t even have to scan it!”

Me: “Yes, you do. If it’s saved at home, you won’t be able to get it here.”

Customer: “Why did you tell me that I could, then?”

Me: “I didn’t. I said it would save the file to ‘My Documents’. That’s just a folder on the computer.”

Customer: “Yes, but I have ‘My Documents’ at home, too, so it’s already saved!”

Me: “No. There is a ‘My Documents’ on everyone’s computer. You can’t open the files on your computer, from this one.”

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Misunderstood When Walking Into A Photo Shop

| ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Technology

Customer: “Can you enlarge this photo to 8×10?”

Me: “I can, but I’ll have to crop it.”

Customer: “Oh, no. No cropping.”

Me: “Then it can’t be 8×10. I can make it 6×10 if you want.”

Customer: “Well, if you can make it 6×10, why can’t you make it 8×10?!”

Me: “Because those aren’t the same dimensions.”

Customer: “But 6×10 is smaller! Just make it bigger so it will be 8×10!”

Me: “I can’t. If I make it bigger, it will be longer than 10 inches. If you want it 8×10, the sides need to be cropped.”

(She finally agrees to have one of the sides cropped. After I come back with her photocopy, she is now displeased with something else.)

Customer: “Why isn’t this in colour!?”

Me: “Um, it is in colour.”

Customer: No, it isn’t!”

Me: “Yes, it is. I looks exactly the same as your original.”

Customer: “But my original is all old! The colours have faded!”

Me: “Yes, but it’s still in colour.”

Customer: “But I thought you would make the picture look new!”

Me: “No, I can’t do that. I just have a photocopier.”

Customer: “But you said it would be in colour!”

Me: “It is in colour.”

Customer: “But it’s old looking!”

Me: “Of course it is. It’s an old picture.”

Customer: “Why won’t you change the colours?!”

Me: “Because I just have a photocopier here. That’s something you would have to take to a digital photographer.”

Customer: “Well, how much does that cost!?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

(The customer continued to mutter about how the picture wasn’t in colour as I rang her through.)

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