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My Oh My Documents

| ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

(We have a self-service computer in the store, in which customers can pay per minute to check their email, browse the web, and print or scan files.)

Customer: “I need help scanning; I don’t know what I’m doing.”

(I show her how to scan.)

Me: “And then when it’s done, it’ll just save the file to ‘My Documents’, and that’s where you can get it from when you attach it to your email.”

Customer: “‘My Documents’!? Well I already have it saved there!”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “I have it saved at home in ‘My Documents’ so I don’t even have to scan it!”

Me: “Yes, you do. If it’s saved at home, you won’t be able to get it here.”

Customer: “Why did you tell me that I could, then?”

Me: “I didn’t. I said it would save the file to ‘My Documents’. That’s just a folder on the computer.”

Customer: “Yes, but I have ‘My Documents’ at home, too, so it’s already saved!”

Me: “No. There is a ‘My Documents’ on everyone’s computer. You can’t open the files on your computer, from this one.”

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Misunderstood When Walking Into A Photo Shop

| ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Technology

Customer: “Can you enlarge this photo to 8×10?”

Me: “I can, but I’ll have to crop it.”

Customer: “Oh, no. No cropping.”

Me: “Then it can’t be 8×10. I can make it 6×10 if you want.”

Customer: “Well, if you can make it 6×10, why can’t you make it 8×10?!”

Me: “Because those aren’t the same dimensions.”

Customer: “But 6×10 is smaller! Just make it bigger so it will be 8×10!”

Me: “I can’t. If I make it bigger, it will be longer than 10 inches. If you want it 8×10, the sides need to be cropped.”

(She finally agrees to have one of the sides cropped. After I come back with her photocopy, she is now displeased with something else.)

Customer: “Why isn’t this in colour!?”

Me: “Um, it is in colour.”

Customer: No, it isn’t!”

Me: “Yes, it is. I looks exactly the same as your original.”

Customer: “But my original is all old! The colours have faded!”

Me: “Yes, but it’s still in colour.”

Customer: “But I thought you would make the picture look new!”

Me: “No, I can’t do that. I just have a photocopier.”

Customer: “But you said it would be in colour!”

Me: “It is in colour.”

Customer: “But it’s old looking!”

Me: “Of course it is. It’s an old picture.”

Customer: “Why won’t you change the colours?!”

Me: “Because I just have a photocopier here. That’s something you would have to take to a digital photographer.”

Customer: “Well, how much does that cost!?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

(The customer continued to mutter about how the picture wasn’t in colour as I rang her through.)

Really Rhea-lly Honest

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(An older gentleman comes into my section of the store late one afternoon. We’ve been very slow, so I’m excited to have something to do. The following conversation ensues:)

Me: *smiling* “Hello, sir! How are you today?”

Customer: *grumbles* “Eh, I’ve seen better days.”

Me: “Aw… it can’t be—”

Customer: “I woke up at four am with diarrhea.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “But at least it wasn’t gonorrhea!”

Me: “…That’s true. Let me get you those copies.”

(After being in retail for three-and-a-half years, I honestly don’t know if some people have a filter!)

Two Copyrights Still Make It Wrong

| Absecon, NJ, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

(If a photo is professionally taken, the photographer legally owns the picture, and we need a release form from them to make a copy of it. It doesn’t matter if it is a picture of you, your child, whatever; they still own that picture. A woman came in to try to make copies of a school photo of her granddaughter.)

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s a professional photo. We legally can’t make copies of it.”

Customer: “Why not? It’s my granddaughter!”

Me: “Yes, but the photographer owns the rights to it. You’d have to get a release form from them for us to make a copy.”

Customer: “Fine. What about this one?”

(The customers hands me the exact same picture, except it is in black and white, not color.)

Me: “…No, still can’t. It’s still a professional photo. It doesn’t matter if it’s not color.”

Customer: “Ugh, fine.”

This Customer Gets Her Own Dedicated Plaque

| ON, Canada | Extra Stupid

Customer: “I’m picking up laminating.”

Me: “Okay, what name is it under?”

Customer: “[Customer Name].”

(I look in the filing system and don’t see any order forms filed under her name.)

Me: “Is there another name it might be under?”

Customer: “[Customer Name].”

Me: “So there aren’t any orders under either of those names. Is there a different name you might have given us when you dropped it off?”

Customer: “No, you called me.”

Me: “Right, but I don’t see it here, so I was just wondering if you gave us a different name.”

Customer: *slowly and condescendingly* “[Customer Name].”

(I ignore the obvious rude and ignorant tone, and proceed to look through ALL files, to see if it was filed wrong. I don’t see the order form anywhere.)

Me: “And it was laminating?”

Customer: “[Customer Name]!”

Me: “I’m asking you what you had done. You had something laminated?”

Customer: “YOU CALLED ME AND SAID IT WAS READY!”

Me: “I understand that. But I don’t see anything here under that name, so I’m trying to narrow down why I don’t see it. Was it laminating?”

Customer: “[Customer Name]!”

(I then look in all the bins and read all the stickers on them to see if we lost the order form, but the order is still in a bin. Nothing.)

Me: “Did someone else pick it up already, maybe?”

Customer: “You called me today! I don’t understand why this is so hard! It’s just a picture!”

Me: “A laminated picture?” *finally realizing she probably meant plaque mounting* “Was it plaqued?”

Customer: “[Customer Name]!”

Me: “I’m not asking for the name, I’m asking if you had it plaque mounted.”

Customer: “[Customer Name]!”

(I look in the area where we keep the plaque mounted pictures, and sure enough, her order is there.)

Me: “It was plaque mounted, not laminated. That’s why I couldn’t find it. They’re in a different spot.”

Customer: “You called me earlier today.”

(I don’t even try anymore. I get her to sign that it was picked up, and say nothing else to her.)

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