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An Expert In Wait-y Matters

, , , | Right | June 29, 2022

Close to 5 am one Saturday morning, I stopped at a taxi stop near a train station in central Copenhagen. There was a long line of customers as well as lots of mostly young people everywhere trying to flag down a taxi.

At times like this, I prefer to only pick up people at taxi stops. My logic is: If they’re sober enough to find their way to a taxi stop, they’re probably sober enough not to get sick in my car.

I drive to the front of the slightly disorganised line, roll down the window and ask: “Who has waited the longest?”

Just as two young women were about to open one of the rear doors, a young man skipped the line, shoved his way past them and slid into the back seat.

Me: “I don’t think it was your turn.”

Passenger: “How about a fare to [place ten miles away]?”

Me: “I don’t care where you’re going. You skipped the line.”

Passenger: “I don’t wait in lines.”

Me: “And I don’t drive people, who don’t wait in lines.”

He complained a bit, but eventually left. The two young women got in and I took them to their destination.

Either That Or He Was Looking For A Handout

, , , , , | Working | June 24, 2022

In the eighties, I worked for a newsagent at a local train station.

One day, a young man came in and asked for a packet of “Free”. The only thing we sold by that name was a brand of cigarettes not made from tobacco — I seem to remember the ingredients included cherry leaves. They came in “ordinary” and “menthol”.

Me: “Do you want the menthol-flavoured ones?”

It took about a fraction of a second for his face to turn crimson and he left the shop rather hurriedly.

Only later did I realize that he had probably wanted to buy condoms, as “Free” was a popular brand of condoms back then. Our condoms were a different brand, and I only thought of the one thing we sold with the name “Free”. I did feel sorry for the poor guy.

Don’t Expect Change Until You Can Make Change

, , , , , , | Right | June 23, 2022

Way back in the early 1980s, this guy would almost daily take the same bus, and at the exact same departure time, too.

A single fare back then was two Danish kroner. He’d always try to pay with a five-hundred-krone note, but because the drivers didn’t have that kind of change, and because the banknote WAS legal tender, the guy would always get a free ride.

That is, until word reached the dispatch manager one day. Said manager drained the office safe for as many coins as he could find — the smaller the denomination, the better. The next day, the jerk tried to pull the same stunt. Imagine the combined smugness and glee on the face of the driver who could now report:

Driver: “Oh, good news, sir! I can actually break that for you today!”

The jerk ended up receiving:
12 x 20 kr. (240 kr.)
15 x 10 kr. (150 kr.)
19 x 5 kr. (95 kr.)
20 x 0.25 kr. (5 kr.)
20 x 0.10 kr. (2 kr.)
12 x 0.50 kr. (6 kr.)
TOTAL: 498 kr.

All his pockets were about to burst, and he rattled like a knight in shining armour walking down the aisle to find a seat. The jerk never tried to pull that stunt again.

Stall And It Might Save Your Life

, , , , , , | Legal | April 17, 2022

In the 1980s, I worked in a newsagent at a local train station.

One afternoon, when rush hour was almost over, I was refilling our drinks cooler while my female colleague was at the cash register. A man came in and asked [Colleague] for a pen and some paper. He then stood to one side and wrote a note of some kind.

All of a sudden, a train or a bus had come in to the station and the shop was flooded with customers. I stopped what I was doing and went to the second cash register to help get people out the door again. After a couple of minutes, all the customers were gone and the man from earlier came to the register. He put a note on the table and looked expectantly at both of us.

Me: “What am I to do with the note?”

Man: “One of you should read it.”

I picked up the note and read the first line.

Note: “This is a robbery. I want a minimum of 10,000. If you try contacting the police, you will be dead.”

I then noticed that he kept his right hand in the pocket of his jacket. I immediately pressed the alarm button which called the police and had the instore camera take one picture every second.

I turned the note over and noticed that something had been written on the other side, though it had been partly crossed out again.

I gave him back the note.

Me: “Which side am I supposed to read?”

Man: *Snarling* “Don’t try to be funny!”

As I had now pressed the alarm, I tried to stall for time. I took the note again and read it three times. I must admit that my hands were shaking a bit, but I gave the note back to him.

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t read what it says. Could you read it to me?”

Man: *Annoyed* “I’m going to shoot if you don’t give me 10,000 kroner.”

As I removed banknotes from the register, when there were above a certain number of them, I truthfully told him:

Me: “We don’t even have that much money.”

Man: “Do you want me to shoot you or shoot up in the air?”

Me: “I don’t know, but I don’t have that much money.”

Man: “Fine, just give me 5,000, then.”

Me: “We don’t have that much, either.”

Man: “How much do you have, then?”

At this point, I had noticed that his eyes seemed unfocused and his last statement told me that he wasn’t exactly in control of the situation. I opened the cash register and started counting the banknotes. Having counted them, I put them back in the cash register and closed it.

Me: “There are almost 1,500 kroner in there.”

Man: “Give them to me.”

As he hadn’t complained while I was counting the money, I opened the cash register again and counted them while wrapping every tenth note around the other nine. When I’d counted all of them, I recounted them while putting them on the desk between us. At this point, I had left the cash register open, and there were a lot of ten- and five-kroner coins.

Me: “What about the coins?”

He glanced at them.

Man: “I want those, too.”

I started taking them out of the cash drawer one at a time while counting them. I then counted them again as I put them into the plastic tubes we used when depositing them at the bank, each containing twenty to twenty-five coins depending on which coin it was for. I had done this with all the ten- and five-kroner coins and was counting the third tube of one-kroner coins when the police came in. At this time, I think almost ten minutes had passed.

Police: “Is the alarm from in here?”

That was the moment I was ready to throw myself on the floor. If the man really had a gun, this was likely when he would choose to shoot.

Me: “Yes, could you please take care of that man?”

We locked the door. One officer questioned my colleague and me while the other one questioned the man. The other officer came back and told us that the man didn’t have a gun and that he claimed that I had written the note.

They ended up arresting him and taking him to the police station. I then called my boss and explained what had happened. He laughed and told me that I should just open the shop again. I was the one on closing duties at 10:00 pm. The police left a little after 6:30 pm, and those last three and a bit hours were horrible. I knew that the man wasn’t coming back, but I was rather shaken.

There had been a number of customers while this took place. [Colleague] took care of them while I was dealing with the robber. Apparently, not a single customer noticed anything out of the ordinary.

Over the next week, I was annoyed that everybody I told the story to ended up laughing. I certainly didn’t find it funny. After that week, I slowly began seeing that the entire thing was rather funny because the man obviously had been out of touch with reality.

Three months later, [Colleague] and I were in court as witnesses against the robber. Our names and addresses were read aloud in court while he was present. All I know about him is that he was thirty-seven and from a neighbouring town. I don’t even know what kind of sentence he got if any.

I know that I behaved in a less than rational way, but you can’t plan ahead and know how you will react in a stressful situation like that, especially when you haven’t been told by corporate what you are supposed to do. Picking up on his not-being-quite-there and trying to stall for time led to things happening this way. 

I have twice since been in similarly stressful situations and have learned that I’m good at keeping calm while things are going on. Afterward, I tend to end up shaking all over.

Criminal Or Stupid? We May Never Know.

, , , , | Legal | April 12, 2022

I am second in a line of taxis at one of the major squares in Copenhagen. Three young men walk up to the first taxi and ask the driver something. After a few seconds, they walk down to my taxi. This is usually a sign that the driver in front has declined whatever their request might be, so I am prepared to also deny their request.

Man #1: “Can we pay with a Visa card?”

Me: “You can, but the taxi in front of me will also accept Visa.”

Man #2: “But do you accept Visa even if it’s a card we have found?”

I declined the fare. I couldn’t help thinking that this criminal career of theirs was still in its infancy and that maybe they would be better off doing something else.