Montessori Prison Service

| Columbus, OH, USA | Friendly | July 15, 2016

(I am waiting in line behind two people who are old friends that ran into each other. They’re catching up.)

Friend: “Well, [Guy] had a baby and went to jail… I mean [Guy], not the baby…”

Set Their Pulse Racing

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Right | July 6, 2016

(I am the customer here. It’s the weekend of the Indy 500, and I’m driving for Uber. On the night before the race, as I’m driving visitors around the city, I take a quick break to go into a convenience store to get a snack and a drink.)

Cashier: *as she’s bagging my items* “Are you going to see the race tomorrow?”

Me: “No, I’m driving.”

(Cashier stops and looks at me, stunned.)

Me: *realizing what I just said* “For Uber! I’m driving for Uber!”

Cashier: “I was about to grab a pen and paper and ask for an autograph!”

Having An ‘Off’ Day

, | Wisconsin Dells, WI, USA | Working | July 4, 2016

(I start out at my job working night shift for about two weeks and love it. Then I get switched to day shift out of the blue, but it’s understandable because there is only one other day shift clerk. Last week, the manager randomly has me on schedule for a closing shift. There are light switches under the counter for the inside of the store and the outside, like the lights for the gas pumps so people can see. There is one switch that you are never supposed to turn off, but the note is between it and the one above it and since it has been so long since I worked night shift, I forget which one it is and I shut off the bottom one. My coworker (who has trained me) happens to be looking outside at our big light up sign and digital marquee and notices something I don’t.)

Coworker: “Um, did you turn off that switch we’re never supposed to turn off?”

Me: “I don’t know. I don’t think so, but I couldn’t remember which one the note is for because it’s directly in between. Why?”

Coworker: “Oh, no reason. Just turn it back on.”

Me: “What’s it for?”

Coworker: “Well, I’m not entirely sure because I haven’t turned that one off yet…” *turns it back on* “…but I think it’s the sign.”

Me: “What?!” *stands up in time to see sign turn back on* “Umm…”

Coworker: “I think it should be fine as long as no one noticed.”

(Thankfully, after a few seconds of gibberish, the sign went back to advertising just as it had before. But what coworker said was still on my mind, as she is known for making mistakes and has broken things no one thought was possible to break.)

Me: “I love how you said ‘I haven’t shut that one off YET,’ like ‘oh, I haven’t f***ed up in that way quite yet.’”

Coworker: *laughing* “Yeah, because I’ve been too busy finding other ways to f*** up and breaking other things.”

Left His Manners In The Last Town

| Richmond, VA, USA | Right | June 27, 2016

(I am mopping the store after closing one night when a man starts banging loudly on the door and yanking at the handle. I normally wouldn’t have opened up but I see he’s a truck driver and I am concerned something may be wrong.)

Customer: “Where the h*** is [Random Town], NC?”

Me: “I’m not sure, sir. I can tell you that you are still in VA, and I can let you in to look at a map if it would help.”

Customer: “I have a f***ing map, air head! [Random Town] is not on it! What truck driver doesn’t have a map? Do you know where it is or not?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. I have never heard of it.”

Customer: “You work at a gas station, but you can’t give simple directions. How f****** useless are you?!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, sir, but passing a geography test was not a requirement of my employment.”

Smoking Before She Even Gets Cigarettes, Part 2

| WA, USA | Right | June 22, 2016

Customer: “Could I buy cigarettes on my card? I have just enough to pay for them but not enough to pull money from the ATM.”

Me: “Of course, got ID?”

Customer: *hands me ID*

Me: “What kind you need?”

Customer: “[Cheap Brand].”

Me: *grabs cigarette, rings up* “Okay, your total is [close to $8].”

Customer: *hands me her card; it’s an EBT for food stamps*

Me: “I’m sorry, you can’t purchase tobacco on these cards.”

Customer: “But you just said I could!”

Me: “I apologize, but that was before I knew it was an EBT card—”

Customer: “The other lady who works here lets me buy them all the time!”

Me: “You’re not allowed to purchase alcohol, tobacco, or any type of lottery on a state issued EBT card.”

(She just continues to argue with me before stomping out of the store. Later in the day she comes back with two other women, staring at me and complaining about how “this b***h wouldn’t sell me the cigarettes!”)

Me: *talking to the other women* “Hi, what can I get you?”

(The second lady throws wad of crumpled ones on counter and demands the same cigarettes brand. The first lady continues complaining to the third lady.)

Me: “Thanks, have a nice day!”

(I turned around to clean something while those three complained all the way out the door.)

Related:
Smoking Before She Even Gets Cigarettes

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