Practice Sweet Unadulterated Moderation

| North Carolina, USA | Right | March 14, 2012

(A mom, dad, and two small children walk in. The boy sees some of the fresh fruit we keep at the counter and asks for a banana.)

Dad: *to son* “No, you’ve had too much fruit today!”

Mom: *to son* “Yeah, go get some candy instead!”

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All The News That’s Fated To Print

| New York, USA | Right | March 2, 2012

(Note: this takes place on a Friday afternoon.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I know you’re probably not supposed to do this, but can I have Sunday’s paper?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Sunday’s paper. I’d like the coupons.”

Me: “We actually don’t have any leftover—”

Customer: “Leftover? No, no. I mean this coming Sunday.”

Me: *confused* “But it’s Friday.”

Customer: “I know, but I want to get a head start!”

Even The Bank Of Dad Has Gone Under

| New Orleans, LA, USA | Right | February 16, 2012

(A dad and his three kids who are all around 7 or 8 years old is my checkout line. He is buying four six packs of tall cans of liquor.)

Me: “That will be $26.”

Dad: “Okay.” *pulls money out of his pockets* “Shoot, I only have $20.”

(He turns to one of his kids.)

Dad: “Yo, lend me six bucks.”

Kid: “S***, get your own money!”

Dad: “Come on, I just need six more dollars.”

Kid: F*** you.”

Dad: “Hey, come on! I’ll pay you back when we get home!”

Kid: *hands him some money and mumbles* “Broke a** motherf***er.”

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Smoking Oneself Out

| Portland, OR, USA | Right | January 29, 2012

(We have a policy that if you look under 30, we must card you for age restricted items.)

Customer: “Can I get a pack of [cigarettes]?”

Me: “Can I see your ID?”

Customer: “I don’t have ID on me.”

Me: “Well, we have to see ID if you look under 30.”

Customer: “I look under 30? Well, I’m 29.”

If It Don’t Make Dollars, It Don’t Make Sense, Part 2

| Michigan, USA | Right | January 20, 2012

Customer: “Can I have a pack of [brand] cigarettes?”

Me: “Sure, that’s $5.51.”

Customer: “Are these the dollar-off ones?”

(I look behind me. There are no dollar-off deals right now.)

Me: “No, sorry, there’s no sale on that kind.”

Customer: “That sign says ‘Save 30 cents on two packs.'”

Me: “Yeah, but you have to buy two packs.”

Customer: “Then will I save a dollar?”

Me: “No, you’d save thirty cents.”

Customer: “Why wouldn’t I save a dollar?”

Me: “Because the sale is for thirty cents?”

Customer: “Oh, okay…”

 

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