(One of the doors to the store is scraping the floor up, so until we can get it repaired we lock it. It is a double door, so the other side is still usable. We put a sign on the door to please use the other door. A customer comes rushing up to the broken door and slams into it, falling onto her back. I rush to the door to see if she is okay; she stands up and laughs a bit, making a joke about how clumsy she is.)

Me: “Okay, but if you need anything, please let me know.”

(She goes down to the back and gets a carton of eggs after looking around a bit. She comes up to the counter.)

Customer: “What does ‘free-range’ mean?”

(The carton says, “free-range eggs,” so I explain it means that the hens were not put in cages and were allowed to walk around. She smiles really wide and gets really excited, and then asks:)

Customer: “Do you think that the farmers play music for them?”

(I have no idea what to say, but she seems so happy about it I just say:)

Me: “I… am sure they are nice and maybe sometimes they play the hens music.”

(She seems even happier with this.)

Customer: “Do you know the farmer’s name?”

Me: “I am afraid not… They get delivered by a guy named [Delivery Guy] if that helps?”

(She then pays for her eggs and leaves, saying:)

Customer: “Thank you for the free-range, musical eggs from Farmer [Delivery Guy]!”

(I just sort of waved and wondered what the h*** had just happened.)

I work in a fast food restaurant that is inside a convenience store. One day, the store manager had five cartons of “soft pack” cigarettes set aside to be returned. They had been ordered by mistake, as most smokers prefer the standard, harder packs.  

When the vendor came to pick them up, only four cartons were there. The manager started looking at the cameras to try to catch the thief. While he was looking, another employee came in and told him that one of the fast food workers who was working that day was outside smoking those specific, uncommon cigarettes.

The manager confronted the employee, who confessed and offered to pay for them to keep his job. The manager refused, and the employee was fired.

Who is stupid enough to smoke the very things you stole at the place you stole them from?

(I am in law enforcement and my coworkers and I, all in uniform, stop by the convenience store before heading to our location for the day. I am driving the van and am waiting to make a left turn into the parking lot from the street. A pickup truck backs up a little bit, making room for me to enter the lot. Both my coworker and I wave in gratitude towards the driver. We park and enter the store. Two minutes later, a man enters the store.)

Man: “Excuse me, are you driving the white van out there?”

Me: *concerned someone had hit it or was breaking in* “Yes, sir, is something wrong?”

Man: “I let you pull in and you didn’t even acknowledge me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I did wave to—”

Man: “I am a veteran, I’ll have you know!”

Me: “Sir, I did wave thank—”

Man: “I don’t care if you’re with [Agency]! You are not above the law!! You are not above the law!”

(He then stormed out. My only guess is that he was looking in his rear-view mirror when my coworker and I waved thanks. Even if I hadn’t waved, not acknowledging someone for doing something polite is not illegal.)

(I am serving late on a Monday night when who I assume is the friend of the man I am currently serving comes up by the counter and stares me dead in the eyes and without emotion.)

Customer’s Friend: “This is an armed robbery.”

Me: *stunned and internally panicking since this has never happened before*

Customer’s Friend: *long silence*

Me: *still stunned*

Customer’s Friend: “Ha! It’s a joke!”

(Who the h*** thinks that’s a joke is beyond me. I don’t want to be in retail anymore.)

(It’s before eight am, and I’m manning the check stand. A man walks up and starts looking at the energy shots. He starts to set down an averaged-sized bottle on the counter, then changes his mind and switches it with a large one.)

Me: “Will that be all for you today?”

Customer: *almost helplessly* “Isn’t that enough?”