There’s Nothing To Fear But Beer By Itself

| Manteo, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(During the night shift at the 24-hour gas station, it’s against policy to have the store open from midnight to five if you’re working alone. My coworker hasn’t shown up, so I am doing some cleaning while the store is temporarily closed and locked. A customer bangs angrily on the door. After several mimes of miming ‘Sorry!’ and pointing to the ‘Closed’ sign, I open the door a crack, figuring she might be in trouble or have run out of gas.)

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Open the door!”

Me: “I’m sorry, we’re closed. I’m not allowed to be open from midnight to five.”

Customer: “You’re CLOSED?!”

Me: “Yes! Well… is it an emergency?”

Customer: “It is an emergency! I need beer!”

The Time Travel Times

| Rotherham, England, UK | Crazy Requests

(We sell daily and weekly newspapers. The weekly papers come out on a Thursday. It is a Wednesday morning, and I am putting the daily papers out.)

Customer: “Has tomorrow’s [weekly paper] come in today?”

Me: “Tomorrow’s [weekly paper]?”

Customer: “Yes, I want tomorrow’s [weekly paper]. Have they come in today?”

Me: “No, tomorrow’s [weekly paper] comes in tomorrow.”

Customer: “Are you sure? I was hoping to get tomorrow’s paper today. Do you need to check?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m pretty sure tomorrow’s [weekly paper] comes in tomorrow, seeing as they probably haven’t even started printing them yet.”

Customer: “Well, there’s no need to be like that.”

Driving The Point Home

| Robeline, LA, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Theme Of The Month

Customer #1: “Man, that’s a nice car. I’d love to have it.”

(I glance out the window and see my brother’s friend pull up to a gas pump in his ’69 Chevelle. He is a young black man. I am grinning as I turn to the two of them.)

Me: “Don’t even ask if he’ll sell it to you, because he won’t do it.”

Customer #2: “Hmph. I wonder how someone like him got a nice car like that.”

Me: “His family brought it with them when they moved here from California. It was basically a piece of junk, but he restored it with his dad.”

Customer #2: “Oh, is that so? How would you know?”

Me: “Yes, that’s so. He’s a good guy, and happens to be one of my brother’s best friends. He and his cousin would come to our house all the time when we were in high school, and they’re both like brothers to me. I don’t like that you’re trying to imply he got that car by stealing it, or doing something illegal to get it, just because he’s black!”

Customer #2: “Well, I… I… uh…”

(Customer #2 leaves quickly. Customer #1 is left laughing.)

Me: “Serves him right for being a bigot!”