An Idiot Born Every Minute

| East Stroudsburg, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(We are located in a college town, so naturally, we sell a variety of things including condoms. Normally people just ask where they are then buy them. This started out like any other time.)

Customer: “Yo, you all sell condoms?”

Me: “Yes, right over there.” *point to where they are*

Customer: “What?! You only sell 3-packs? You don’t sell single condoms? See, this is why people be having babies!”

(I stood there stunned as he kicked our door open and left.)

Wants The Number Of The Devil

| Robeline, LA, USA | At The Checkout, Love/Romance, Religion

Customer: *leering* “I need $15 worth of [Cell Company] minutes and your phone number, sweetness.”

Me: *pretending I didn’t hear the last part* “$15 of [Cell Company] minutes. Okay.”

Customer: *smirking* “And your phone number.”

Me: *curtly* “Not happening. I have a boyfriend.” *prints the slip* “It’s $15.50.”

Customer: *pays in exact change* “So, did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?”

Me: *deadpan* “What are you talking about? I clawed my way up from Hell.”

(He quickly left and hasn’t asked for my number since.)

Having A Multiple Light-Bulb Moment

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bigotry, Technology, Transportation

(I am the manager at a very busy convenience store that also sells fuel. One particularly quiet afternoon, a customer pulls up and starts to remove every single light bulb from his car. I watch for a little while then go outside to see if I can be of any help.)

Me: “G’day. A problem with your lights?”

Customer: “Yeah, they all stopped working so I need new ones. You sell bulbs don’t you?”

Me: “Yes, we do, but instead of removing them all may I make a suggestion?”

Customer: “You? I doubt it, love. Girls don’t know anything about cars.”

Me: *not the first time I have heard this* “No problem, I’ll be inside when you need the globes.”

(The customer removes every light globe, indicator globe and even all the internal globes, puts them in a bag and comes inside to the counter.)

Customer: “I’ll have one of each of these.”

Me: “No problem.”

(I proceed to get all of the globes he needed, including the not so cheap headlight globes. He pays for them, totaling approximately $45, and then goes back to his car and spends the next hour or so putting them in, with me watching from inside with a huge smile on my face. After he installs them all, he turns on the car, tries the lights, and none of them work. By this stage I have let it go far enough, so I grab a $0.45 blade fuse, go to his car, pop the bonnet, change the fuse, got him to try his lights, and wouldn’t you know it? They all now worked!)

Customer: “…”

Me: “Have a great day!*

(Then I skipped back inside!)