Worse Than The Yes Men Are The Yes/No Men

| Banbury, England, UK | Right | February 11, 2016

(It’s a late night shift, Friday, around nine pm. It’s fairly quiet tonight and I don’t have much to do. After a while occupying myself around the store a heavily-accented Eastern European man comes up to the counter.)

Customer: “Scotch whiskey?”

Me: “Yup, we have a selection of spirits behind the counter.”

(I turn to show him the cabinet behind me.)

Me: “For scotch whiskeys we have [Brand #1]—”

Customer: *interrupting, in a panicked tone* “NO!”

(I pause, expecting him to continue or elaborate, after a moment he seems to relax.)

Me: “[Brand #2]?”

Customer: *seemingly scared* “NO!”

(Pause again.)

Me: “[Brand #3?]”

(He nods; I take the bottle and scan it through.)

Me: “That’ll be [price].”

(He displays a card inserts it into the machine. We go through the steps and come to entering his PIN code. He presses three numbers then stares at me.)

Me: “Your PIN code should be four numbers.”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “You only pressed three.”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: *baffled* “You should have pressed four numbers, then the enter key.”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: *starting to see where this is going* “You should have pressed five buttons in total. Four numbers, then the green enter key.”

Customer: “Yes.”

(This continued for a while. A queue of angry and confused customers was starting to build. After several minutes of this same back-and-forth he eventually huffed and said something I couldn’t understand, threw up his hands and walked out and left the bottle behind.)

Can’t Milk Anymore Out Of The Milk

| Sweden | Working | January 22, 2016

(I drop by the local convenience store on my way home to pick up a carton of milk. It’s Sunday evening.)

Convenience Store Guy: “Sorry. I can’t sell you just that.”

Me: “Why not?”

Convenience Store Guy: “Sorry. Boss says I have to sell more. Candy rack’s over there.”

Me: “But I only want the milk.”

Convenience Store Guy: “Sorry, I can’t sell you just that.”

Me: “Fine. No sale.”

(I put the milk back in the fridge and leave. On the way out, I hear:)

Convenience Store Guy: “Sorry! Boss says I have to sell more!”

Put Them In High Spirits

, | St. Louis, MO, USA | Working | January 16, 2016

(I am an overnight clerk at a convenience store. A woman comes in late, buying alcohol, and I can’t tell her age.)

Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

(The woman gets flustered, shows her ID, and leaves with her alcohol, still visibly flustered. About an hour later a man pulls up to the market looking angry. He comes in and stands over me.)

Menacing Guy: “You the guy that asked my woman for ID?”

Me: *gulp* “Uh, yeah. You see the… law says… and I’m new…”

(The menacing guy breaks out in a huge smile and sticks out his hand.)

Menacing Guy: “Thanks, man. You made my wife’s night!”

(The guy left happy, and after that I made sure to ask every woman for ID.)

Thought It Was One Giant Smoking Mirror

, | PA, USA | Right | January 12, 2016

(We sell cigarettes, and you can clearly see them as soon as you walk in the door.)

Customer: “Excuse me; do you guys sell cigarettes here?”

Me: *being humorous, thinking he is as well* “No, we don’t, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll go somewhere else.”

(As he started to leave, another cashier motioned to the wall of hundreds of cigarettes behind the counter, and lucky us, he found humor in his mistake, as well as we did.)

Very Anal About What They Use

| UK | Right | January 11, 2016

(I’m working the late shift at a local convenience store on a busy high street. Even though we’re surrounded by bars, nothing exciting tends to happen even around this time, 10 pm. The store lead on duty and I are stacking the health and beauty section before the stock take the following morning, when a gentleman, who appears slightly tipsy approaches me. I’m female.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell any lube?”

Me: *looking up beside the condoms. It’s an unusual request and our range is limited so I need to check* “I’m sorry, I don’t think we do. I’ll check with my manager.”

(My manager has overheard and joins the conversation.)

Manager: “No, I’m sorry. we just sell condoms.”

Customer: “Aw, d***. Do you know what else I can use for anal?”

Me: *trying to remain professional* I could suggest baby oil?”

Manager: “…or Vaseline?”

Me: “Or maybe vegetable oil?”

Customer: *nodding throughout* “So, Vaseline? Maybe I’ll combine it with baby oil?” *picks both off the shelf* “Thanks! I’ll let you know how it goes!”

Manager: “I’m not going to ask if those were personal suggestions of what to use!”

Me: “I just hope he doesn’t come back to tell us how it went!”

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