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Trying To Buy A Little Christmas Spirit

| NM, USA | Food & Drink, Holidays

(In my state, it is illegal to sell alcohol on Christmas — and, yes, I’m well aware that this violates separation of church and state. It does lead to some interesting conversations.)

Customer: “Hi there, can I get a bottle of [Brand] whiskey?”

Me: “Sorry, it’s actually illegal to sell alcohol on Christmas in New Mexico.”

Customer: “How about I give you an extra $20?”

Me: “Tell you what. If you want to do my mandatory six months in federal prison, and pay my $5,000 fine, sure.”

Customer: *shocked expression* “Oh, wow, um, never mind. Thanks.” *leaves*

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The Lighter Way To Not Be Closed Minded

| Merseyside, England, UK | At The Checkout, Time

(I’m the foolish customer here. I walk into the mini-mart near my house late one evening, pick up a basket, and start shopping. After two minutes, there’s a surprised cough from behind the tills.)

Cashier: “Um, you do realise we’re closed, yeah?”

Me: “Oh. Are you?”

Cashier: “Yeah, the shutters are down, the lights are mostly off, the barrier is across the car park…”

Me: “Oh… OH! Sorry! I’m far, far too self-absorbed to notice something as subtle as the shutters being down and the lights being off.”

(The cashier bursts out laughing.)

Me: “I’ll go. Sorry to have delayed you going home!”

Cashier: “Nah, don’t worry, I haven’t cashed up yet; I’ll put your stuff through for making me laugh.”

(I really have to start paying more attention to my surroundings!)

Related:
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 23
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 22
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 21

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H2-No

| Niagara Falls, ON, Canada | Food & Drink

(A customer is looking at the bottles of pop in the cooler, obviously searching for something.)

Me: “Can I help you find something, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah, do you have any water? I see diet Sprite, but that’s not quite the same.”

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Going Nuts For Candy

| Wilmington, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Holidays

(It is the first of November, during a huge clearance sale on leftover Halloween candy. I finish ringing up a customer’s items and ask if she has any coupons that she’d like to use. Much to my surprise, she presents two: one for candy… one for nuts.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I can’t use this coupon. You haven’t bought any nuts.”

(She looks blankly at me for a moment.)

Customer: “There are nuts in the candy.”

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You Must Be Mad(iba)

| UK | Extra Stupid, Politics

(This happens just a few days after Nelson Mandela died last year. Customer has bought two newspapers and is tutting as he handed them over.)

Customer: “What’s that Morgan Freeman done to get all over the front pages this time?”

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