Trying To Buy A Little Christmas Spirit

| NM, USA | Food & Drink, Holidays

(In my state, it is illegal to sell alcohol on Christmas — and, yes, I’m well aware that this violates separation of church and state. It does lead to some interesting conversations.)

Customer: “Hi there, can I get a bottle of [Brand] whiskey?”

Me: “Sorry, it’s actually illegal to sell alcohol on Christmas in New Mexico.”

Customer: “How about I give you an extra $20?”

Me: “Tell you what. If you want to do my mandatory six months in federal prison, and pay my $5,000 fine, sure.”

Customer: *shocked expression* “Oh, wow, um, never mind. Thanks.” *leaves*


The Lighter Way To Not Be Closed Minded

| Merseyside, England, UK | At The Checkout, Time

(I’m the foolish customer here. I walk into the mini-mart near my house late one evening, pick up a basket, and start shopping. After two minutes, there’s a surprised cough from behind the tills.)

Cashier: “Um, you do realise we’re closed, yeah?”

Me: “Oh. Are you?”

Cashier: “Yeah, the shutters are down, the lights are mostly off, the barrier is across the car park…”

Me: “Oh… OH! Sorry! I’m far, far too self-absorbed to notice something as subtle as the shutters being down and the lights being off.”

(The cashier bursts out laughing.)

Me: “I’ll go. Sorry to have delayed you going home!”

Cashier: “Nah, don’t worry, I haven’t cashed up yet; I’ll put your stuff through for making me laugh.”

(I really have to start paying more attention to my surroundings!)

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 23
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 22
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 21



| Niagara Falls, ON, Canada | Food & Drink

(A customer is looking at the bottles of pop in the cooler, obviously searching for something.)

Me: “Can I help you find something, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah, do you have any water? I see diet Sprite, but that’s not quite the same.”


Going Nuts For Candy

| Wilmington, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Holidays

(It is the first of November, during a huge clearance sale on leftover Halloween candy. I finish ringing up a customer’s items and ask if she has any coupons that she’d like to use. Much to my surprise, she presents two: one for candy… one for nuts.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I can’t use this coupon. You haven’t bought any nuts.”

(She looks blankly at me for a moment.)

Customer: “There are nuts in the candy.”


You Must Be Mad(iba)

| UK | Extra Stupid, Politics

(This happens just a few days after Nelson Mandela died last year. Customer has bought two newspapers and is tutting as he handed them over.)

Customer: “What’s that Morgan Freeman done to get all over the front pages this time?”

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