Pop Goes That Sale

, | Cassidy, BC, Canada | Bizarre

(I work in a very small store with only three employees including myself. My boss comes in at the end of my shift to relieve me when a customer comes in. Keep in mind, he is a regular.)

Me: “Hey, how are you?”

Regular: *throws a twenty on the till* “I want two [Soda]s and the rest in gas for a jerry can.”

(Now, he’s not holding anything at the moment. He came in the door and walked straight up to the till.)

Me: “Umm, okay. What size are you buying?”

Regular: “The two liters, duh. Are they still on sale 2 for $4.00?”

Me: “Yep, they still are. So with the two [Soda]s, you will be getting $**** in gas. Does that sound good?”

Regular: “Yeah, whatever. What pump?”

Me: “Your gas will be on pump two. Have a good evening.”

(He then proceeds to walk RIGHT PAST the display of two liter [Soda]s, and out the door. The transaction took less than a minute since he first came in.)

Me: “Wait… what?” *I look at my boss, who’s been quietly standing behind me the whole time* “Did… did he just leave without the [Soda]?”

Boss: “Sure, did. Maybe he’ll come back in for them after he gets his gas. I sure as h*** am not chasing him down, though.”

(We wait, and sure enough he drives away without his two liters.)

Me: “How did he forget his [Soda]? He paid for them not even thirty seconds before walking by the stand?!”

Boss: “Oh, he does this all the time. Sometimes he comes back for them, but usually he’ll just buy more a few days later. I don’t even bother reminding him anymore. I figure anyone that stupid deserves to waste their money. Just watch; he’ll back tomorrow and won’t even mention the missing [Soda].”

(He does show up at shift change the next night. He buys some groceries, and leaves without a word about the Soda he had forgotten. My boss rings him through in silence, and laughs as he drives off.)

Boss: “I don’t know what drugs he’s on, but they must be REALLY good.”

Me: “Haha, no kidding.”

(It turned out this guy does this almost every week.)

The Sauce Of The Fire

| Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I live and work in a fairly deprived area, which comes with all the usual associated problems.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell cream sauces?”

Me: “Did you mean savoury, or ice cream?”

Customer: “What’s ‘sav… saver… savernee’?”

Me: “Um, like dinner instead of pudding?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s that. I need it for chicken.” *waves a box of imitation [popular American southern-fried chicken] pieces at me*

Me: “Wouldn’t you prefer a bottle of ketchup or mayonnaise for those?”

Customer: “No! I need to make a cream sauce for the chicken for my girlfriend. It’s our anniversary and she said she’d dump me if I took her to [Popular Fast Food Chain] again!”

Me: “Well, there’s nicer places to eat out. If you really want to make something, though, you’d be better off buying whole unprocessed chicken chunks. Not many things apart from other southern US flavours would really go well with what you have picked out.”

Customer: “So how do these packet sauces work?”

Me: “Well, you can cook them with milk. Some people like to add a little cream once it is thickened, but there is really no need as the packets all have thickening agents in them.”

Customer: “But which one do I buy?”

Me: “We’ve got bread sauce, bèchamel, cheese sauce, creamy peppercorn, or parsley sauce.”

Customer: “I don’t like parsley.”

Me: “One of these plainer ones, then? Cheese might be nice if you wrap the chicken in bacon.”

Customer: “Maybe. What’s peppercorns?”

Me: “Um, they’re a type of dried fruit. People like to grind them.”

Customer: “But what IS it?”

Me: “You ever put salt AND pepper on chips?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “The not-salt half of salt and pepper.”

(We continued the conversation. The customer eventually made his selections and left. I was sure it was just coincidence when I saw a fire engine go past two hours later; turned out it wasn’t! His girlfriend came in the next day to say he’d tried to use orange juice for the cheese sauce mix as he had run out of milk, and then put the chicken breasts directly onto the oven shelf. Amazingly she is still with him but says she will be more than happy to go to Fast Food Chain next time!)

Really Needed That Energy Drink

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Transportation

(Working as a cashier at a gas station when a woman pulls up, hops out of her car, and runs inside. She is obviously in a hurry. I ring her up and she leaves, only to turn around and come back in.)

Customer: “Where is my car?”

Me: “I don’t know. Where did you leave it?”

Customer: “Right there.”

(She points out the window to the spot just outside the door where she had exited her vehicle just a few minutes before. I walk over, poke my head outside, and look around the lot.)

Me: “Is that it?”

(I pointed to the far end of the lot where her vehicle had smashed into a secondary building that housed the automated car wash. Apparently she was in such a hurry to buy her energy drink or whatever that she neglected to turn off the car. She also neglected to put the vehicle into park when she exited. The car wash was fine.)

Sounds Like A Flavor Of Another Green Thing That Comes In A Bag

, | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

Customer: “I’m looking for some chips my wife asked me to get.”

Me: “Sure, what kind?”

Customer: “She said ‘pixie conifer.’”

Me: “Sorry… what?”

Customer: “Pixie conifer. In a green bag.”

Me: “I’ve… never heard of anything like that.”

Customer: “Well, she used to work with trees. That might have something to do with it.”

Me: “Hang on, let me check here…”

(I pull out my phone and Google ‘pixie conifer’ just to see if anything comes up. Unsurprisingly, nothing.)

Me: “You said ‘pixie’, right? Like a fairy?”

Customer: “Yeah. Pixie Conifer. Green bag.”

Me: “Sorry, I’ve never heard of such a thing. All of our chips are on those shelves if you want to look, but that’s a new one to me.”

Customer: “Hang on.”

(He pulls out his phone and dials, wandering off so I can’t hear his end of it.)

Customer: “All right, I talked to her. She wants ‘pickle vinegar.’”

Me: “Thaaat makes more sense. Right over here…”

Using Rude Language

| Bethesda, Wales, UK | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Language & Words

(A good 90% of our customers speak Welsh, so I end up speaking Welsh 90% of the time.)

Me: *in Welsh* “Good evening, sir. Would you like a carrier bag for your shopping?”

Customer: *unintelligible grunt*

Me: *still in Welsh* “Was that ‘yes’ to a bag, sir?”

Customer: *in English* “What?”

Me: *in English* “Sorry, sir! Would you like a bag for your purchases?”

Customer: “Do I look Welsh to you?”

Me: “I couldn’t say, sir. I noticed a daffodil and a dragon pin in your jacket and took you to be local. I am sorry if I caused offence.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t speak Welsh.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You shouldn’t speak Welsh. It’s rude.”

(I pondered arguing back about his own rudeness for telling me I should not speak my language in my country, but settled for just saying “sorry” again and completing his transaction in silence.)

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