Reunion Confusion

, , , , , , , | Related | July 24, 2018

My family had a reunion back in the days before cars came with GPS and before cell phones were common. My aunt went out as far through the family tree as she could, with instructions to forward the information and invitation to anyone that she may have missed, so we had over a hundred people at the event.

Because not everyone had been to my aunt’s house before, and no one had GPS in their cars, she and her husband put massive signs reading “[Family Name] Family Reunion” with arrows throughout her town, from pretty much as soon as you get off the highway.

My great-uncle is obsessed with the family tree, and tried to sit down with everyone to get as much information as he could from each person, so he could work on completing it. He’d been sitting with one man for nearly twenty minutes, before suddenly bursting out laughing. The man and his son came to the wrong family reunion.

Apparently, they had been on their way to a family reunion for the son’s deceased mother’s side of the family. The last name was phonetically similar to our family’s — although spelled slightly differently — and the man hadn’t been close with his wife’s family, so he didn’t realize that the reason he didn’t recognize anyone was because there was no one there to recognize.

The man was very embarrassed about the mistake, but he and his son were so friendly that we invited them to stay the rest of the day, as well. They couldn’t, since they wanted to keep going to their proper reunion, but we’ve kept in touch with them to this day, and still call them honorary family members.

Tells Dad Jokes Religiously

, , , , , , | Healthy | July 2, 2018

(My dad is chronically unserious, even when he really ought not to be. He and my mother are in the intake of an ER, as he’s managed to injure himself somehow, and a nurse is doing the standard intake questions.)

Nurse: “Religion?”

Dad: “Orthodox Agnostic!”

(The nurse starts to write it down, then pauses and just looks confused.)

Mom: *exasperatedly* “None.”

Unfiltered Story #115276

, | Unfiltered | June 29, 2018

I work at a small local grocery store and know a lot of people who come in. I’ve been working for a couple hours when a woman I’ve seen come in a couple of times comes in with a coupon for gas points, a deal our store has with a local gas station for lower gas prices. The coupon is for if the customer spends $75 or more. This is the end of the transaction after the customer has given me here membership card.

Me: Your total comes to $68.14.

Customer 1: Okay. Here is my coupon.

Me: Ma’am, this coupon is if you spend $75 or more. It will not work.

Customer 1: Just type it in. You have old systems here, it will work.

Me: Even if it did work, I can’t put it in because the coupon is for $75 and your total only comes to $68.

Customer 1: Ask your manager. I am not leaving without my gas points.

* At this point, my bagger leaves to ask the manager and another customer joins the line behind customer 1 *

Bagger: I’m sorry ma’am, but he said that the coupon is only for transactions that are $75 or more.

Customer 1: Then what do you suggest I do?

Me: Well ma’am, you could either get a few more items or you could leave without the extra gas points.

Customer 1: Just put in the coupon.

Me: I’m sorry ma’am, but I will not lose my job over someone whose name I don’t even know.

Customer 1: Then what do you suggest I do? I can’t leave and get something else, there is a line! This is the last day for this offer!

*the line is still just the one customer*

Me: You can either get another item, or leave without the coupon.

Customer 1: Fine.

*She runs off to get another item*

Customer 2: She seems like a bitch.

* Customer 1 comes back in a huff, throwing her item on to the conveyor.

Me: Your total comes to $75.04. Have a nice day!

* She sneered and went away, hopefully happy with her 30 cents off a gallon *

Closed To The Truth

, , , , , | Right | June 26, 2018

(The convenience store and gas station where I work is closing for a few months to remodel. This has been known to the employees AND local customers for over a year now. The remodel is going to include tearing down the old store and putting up a bigger one, with more pumps. This scenario happens many times in one day:)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer #1: “You’re closing? When? Where am I supposed to get my gas and coffee in the morning?”

Me: “Yes, in about a week. We have another store in town; I’m sure they’d be happy to serve you.”

Customer #1: “But this is on my way to work. I stop here.”

Me: *trying to be helpful* “There’s another convenience store off the next exit…”

Customer #1: “Can’t you guys stay open while you remodel?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, but they’re going to tear down the building so they can make a bigger and better one.”

Customer #1: “But can’t you stay open for gas?”

Me: “No, They’re taking out the pumps and tanks.”

Customer #1: “But I don’t understand why you can’t stay open.”

Me: “We’ll be open again in about six months.”

Customer #1: “You could stay open…”

(At this point the man behind her is getting impatient and a line is forming.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, that just isn’t possible. We’ll be open for another week. Please come again.”

([Customer #1] leaves, still muttering about us closing.)

Me: *to [Customer #2]* “Can I help you?”

Customer #2: “You’re closing?”

Me: *sigh*

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 78

, , , , , , | Right | June 26, 2018

I run a small landscape company. I get a call from a customer whose lawn has been destroyed by grubs.

I go over to her house, and we walk around discussing various issues with the property. Looking at the lawn, it is clearly destroyed, and I ask her who mows it. She tells me she has this guy who cuts a few lawns on the street. I ask why he did not tell her when the grubs first came out so that she could treat them. Her explanation is that he is “just a grass cutter, not a landscaper.”

I take some measurements, and after figuring it out, we sit down and tell her the job will need a good 50 cubic yards of soil, and that I will have to move it around then spread it out. After that, it needs to be york-raked, hand-raked, and hydro-seeded. The cost would be $5,000 plus tax.

She asks how much I will charge to cut the lawn, and I reply $40.

She says that was too much. I explain that if I had been mowing the lawn, I would have seen the grubs, notified her, and treated for them at a cost of under $100.

She says that she does not want to spend the extra $10 a week. I explain that she is not saving $10, as it is going to cost $5,000 to fix the lawn now, but if she had spent the extra $10, it would have taken seventeen years of weekly mowing before she spent the $5,000. All she keeps saying is that she is saving $10.

I finally give up, sign the contract, get the $5,000, and she is happy as she is still “saving” $10 a week.

Got to love stupid people: spend $5,000 to save $10.

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 77
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 76
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 75

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