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Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 43

, , , , , | Right | March 2, 2021

I’m working in a library and a patron comes up for help, indicating her laptop.

Patron: “I can’t get my Wi-Fi on here.”

The words “my Wi-Fi” should be a clue, but I don’t really cabbage on to what she is saying.

Me: “Let’s see what we can do.”

I fuss with her computer, clicking on the appropriate icons and words until I get to the spot to choose the library’s Wi-Fi and get her on board.

Me: “And you are in!”

Patron: “No. That’s your Wi-Fi. I want my Wi-Fi.”

Me: “Your Wi-Fi.”

Patron: “I don’t want to use your Wi-Fi. I want to use my Wi-Fi.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Patron: “At my apartment at [address halfway across town], we have Wi-Fi. I want to use my Wi-Fi. How can I use my Wi-Fi.”

Me: “You have to go home to your apartment to use their Wi-Fi. When you are here, you use our Wi-Fi.”

Patron: “No. I want to use my Wi-Fi here.”

She danced around with me and two colleagues on this issue every… single… time she came in.

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 42
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 41
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 40
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 39
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 38

Having A Gay Old Time

, , , , | Working | March 1, 2021

I am in college and have to go to a certain office to meet with a person named Gay. Up until this point, I have only corresponded with Gay via email, so I do not know what they look like or even their gender. I am in the waiting room when this happens.

Employee: “[My Name], please come back with me.”

Me: “Are you Gay?”

Employee: *Shocked* “Excuse me?”

I suddenly realize what I have asked and decide to phrase it better.

Me: “I have an appointment with Gay. Is that you?”

Employee: “No, just follow me and I’ll take you to her.”

I could have phrased that a little better, but if they knew my appointment was with Gay, surely they could have realized what I was asking?

It’s Curtains For That Line Of Enquiry!

, , , , | Right | March 1, 2021

I have just finished my shift as an EMT and have to stop at a store where their uniform is jeans and a vest. Normally, I don’t go out in my uniform, but I just need a handful of items. I have stopped in an aisle to look at a couple of things and compare them. A random customer comes up to me.

Customer: “Where are the curtains?”

I continue to compare items.

Customer: “Excuse me! I’m talking to you!”

Me: “Oh, me?”

Customer: “Yes! Curtains!”

Me: “No idea. Just because I’m in a uniform, it doesn’t mean I work here.”

Customer: *Now talking to herself* “Oh… I, uh, um, curtains, where could they be?”

If Your Skull Was Clear, We Still Couldn’t See Your Brain

, , , | Right | February 23, 2021

I am the manager on duty at a famous candle shop. An irate woman storms up to the counter, shopping bag in hand.

Woman: “This candle is defective! I demand a refund!”

Me: “How is it defective, ma’am?”

Woman: “Every time I light it, it goes out the second I put the top on it!”

Me: “No candle will burn with a top on it, ma’am; it needs oxygen to—”

Woman: “Don’t give me that crap! If that was true, the top wouldn’t be clear so I could see the flame!”

Me: “…”

Caffeine Comes Before Reading – Or General Spatial Awareness

, , , | Right | February 17, 2021

My store is located on a main street with multiple other stores. A small café recently closed and we’ve received many of their customers. A customer walks in.

Me: “Hi! What can I get for you this evening?”

The customer orders a medium cup of coffee, nothing out of the ordinary. As soon as it is ready, I call out her order.

Me: “Ma’am, your coffee is right here.”

Customer: “Thank you!”

She takes one sip.

Customer: “What the f***? This isn’t [Closed Café]!”

She dropped the cup on the floor and walked out of the store, leaving a huge mess. My coworker and I just stared blankly at each other.