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Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 43

, , , , , | Right | March 2, 2021

I’m working in a library and a patron comes up for help, indicating her laptop.

Patron: “I can’t get my Wi-Fi on here.”

The words “my Wi-Fi” should be a clue, but I don’t really cabbage on to what she is saying.

Me: “Let’s see what we can do.”

I fuss with her computer, clicking on the appropriate icons and words until I get to the spot to choose the library’s Wi-Fi and get her on board.

Me: “And you are in!”

Patron: “No. That’s your Wi-Fi. I want my Wi-Fi.”

Me: “Your Wi-Fi.”

Patron: “I don’t want to use your Wi-Fi. I want to use my Wi-Fi.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Patron: “At my apartment at [address halfway across town], we have Wi-Fi. I want to use my Wi-Fi. How can I use my Wi-Fi.”

Me: “You have to go home to your apartment to use their Wi-Fi. When you are here, you use our Wi-Fi.”

Patron: “No. I want to use my Wi-Fi here.”

She danced around with me and two colleagues on this issue every… single… time she came in.

Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 42
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 41
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 40
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 39
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 38

Having A Gay Old Time

, , , , | Working | March 1, 2021

I am in college and have to go to a certain office to meet with a person named Gay. Up until this point, I have only corresponded with Gay via email, so I do not know what they look like or even their gender. I am in the waiting room when this happens.

Employee: “[My Name], please come back with me.”

Me: “Are you Gay?”

Employee: *Shocked* “Excuse me?”

I suddenly realize what I have asked and decide to phrase it better.

Me: “I have an appointment with Gay. Is that you?”

Employee: “No, just follow me and I’ll take you to her.”

I could have phrased that a little better, but if they knew my appointment was with Gay, surely they could have realized what I was asking?

It’s Curtains For That Line Of Enquiry!

, , , , | Right | March 1, 2021

I have just finished my shift as an EMT and have to stop at a store where their uniform is jeans and a vest. Normally, I don’t go out in my uniform, but I just need a handful of items. I have stopped in an aisle to look at a couple of things and compare them. A random customer comes up to me.

Customer: “Where are the curtains?”

I continue to compare items.

Customer: “Excuse me! I’m talking to you!”

Me: “Oh, me?”

Customer: “Yes! Curtains!”

Me: “No idea. Just because I’m in a uniform, it doesn’t mean I work here.”

Customer: *Now talking to herself* “Oh… I, uh, um, curtains, where could they be?”

If Your Skull Was Clear, We Still Couldn’t See Your Brain

, , , | Right | February 23, 2021

I am the manager on duty at a famous candle shop. An irate woman storms up to the counter, shopping bag in hand.

Woman: “This candle is defective! I demand a refund!”

Me: “How is it defective, ma’am?”

Woman: “Every time I light it, it goes out the second I put the top on it!”

Me: “No candle will burn with a top on it, ma’am; it needs oxygen to—”

Woman: “Don’t give me that crap! If that was true, the top wouldn’t be clear so I could see the flame!”

Me: “…”

Caffeine Comes Before Reading – Or General Spatial Awareness

, , , | Right | February 17, 2021

My store is located on a main street with multiple other stores. A small café recently closed and we’ve received many of their customers. A customer walks in.

Me: “Hi! What can I get for you this evening?”

The customer orders a medium cup of coffee, nothing out of the ordinary. As soon as it is ready, I call out her order.

Me: “Ma’am, your coffee is right here.”

Customer: “Thank you!”

She takes one sip.

Customer: “What the f***? This isn’t [Closed Café]!”

She dropped the cup on the floor and walked out of the store, leaving a huge mess. My coworker and I just stared blankly at each other.