Unfiltered Story #124558

, , | Unfiltered | October 28, 2018

(This takes place in a call center for a retail clothing line.  I handle both customer service calls and supervisor calls)

Woman:  I’m calling to check the status of my return from a couple weeks ago.

Me:  Sure, one moment please (type info into computer).  I’m sorry ma’am but this item was returned outside of the 30-day window.  In fact, this item was returned 45 days ago.

Woman:  That doesn’t mean s***!  I returned items back many times in the past with no problem!!

Me:  Yes, because your last three returns were within the 30-day time period.

Woman:  And how was I suppose to know that?

Me:  Its written in the first page of the catalog.  It is the responsibility of the customer to be familiar with that policy before doing business with us or any other company.

Woman:  F*** you!  This is the last time I order from you.  I hope you lose your job!!

Me:  (In a giddy, but sarcastic, tone) Thank you!!  Same to you!

Unfiltered Story #124544

, , | Unfiltered | October 27, 2018

(This is a call center for a cable company.  To this day people still can’t believe I had this exchange with a customer)

Me:  Welcome to [cable company], my name…

(customer interrupts me)

Man:  Yeah yeah yeah, shut up!  The service I have been getting from you people is horrendous.  Yesterday I bought a house and I KNOW the wire going from the pole to that house is carrying your cable signal.  I need you to send someone over to snap that wire off now!

Me:  I’m sorry but we can only send technicians to addresses on file that are receiving service from us.

Man:  Umm, did you hear me when I told you that the pole is carrying your cable signal?

Me:  Yes I did.  Please be advised that signals from other companies are also going through that wire too.  If you’re concerned about being charged for service from us at that location, that won’t happen as you need our equipment for that to happen and you need to be signed up to our service.

Man:  I don’t give a f***!  Just do what I told you!  Or else I will climb up that pole and disconnect the wire myself!!

Me:  Sir, I would strongly advise you not to do that.

Man:  And why’s that?!!

Me:  Well, for one thing you run the risk of falling from the pole as well as electrocuting yourself.  Also, you run the risk of cutting off power and service to the folks in your area.

Man:  I don’t care, that’s not my problem!!

Me:  Actually it is your problem!

Man:  …Excuse me?!?

Me:  Please be advised that these phone calls are being monitored and recorded.  We have you on record threatening to cut a wire from a pole.  That’s a criminal offense which means we have to flag this account and notify the authorities of a potential crime.  They will have access to your name, your address, and your phone number.  Are you sure that’s a risk you’re willing to take?

Man:  (long pause, then a loud groan)…YOU PEOPLE HAVE AN ANSWER TO EVERYTHING!!! (hangs up).

(when I checked back on the account records, I found out the customer called back to cancel his services.  His account was never reported to the police).

Unfiltered Story #124539

, , | Unfiltered | October 27, 2018

(This is a cable service call center)

Me:  Thanks for calling [cable company], my name is [blank].  How may I help you?

Man:  Yes, I’m calling to get a reduction in my bill.

Me:  Sure.  What services are you looking to downgrade?

Man:  None of them!  I am a close friend of [blank name] the president and CEO of your company.  I want my bill lowered.

Me:  I apologize, I’m unable to do that.  Is there something in writing that you got from [blank name]?  And, if so, did he tell you to contact a different department since customer service is unable to do that?

Man:  Listen to me, you ignorant piece of s***!  I know your boss.  In fact, I play golf with him regularly.  I want a reduction on my bill or I will have you fired.

Me:  With all due respect sir, you can’t fire me.

Man:  F*** you!  I’m a lawyer and I will sue you unless you give me what I ask for!!

Me:  Please be advised that these calls are monitored and recorded for quality purposes.  If you’re a friend of Mr. [blank name] as you claim, he would have referred you to a different dept. to take care of you as we’re unable to do that in customer service.  Also, you are calling a customer service representative stating that you know the president and CEO of this company and are using that to threaten to fire me unless I reduce your bill.  If you’re a lawyer as you claim then you should know that’s extortion which is illegal in the state of [blank state].  Now, I just flagged this phone call which means my supervisor will be listening to this phone call soon and will be taking decisive action up to and including calling the authorities.

(long pause)

Me:  Hello sir?

Man:  (grunts) You know what, never mind!  This is b*** s***!!!  (hangs up)

Icky Poo

, , , , | Right | October 24, 2018

I work in a grocery store where quite a few elderly people shop because they get a discount. As I was walking towards the back area, I noticed an older man heading towards the bathrooms. I noticed something brown on his leg, and for a moment wondered if he’d hurt himself somehow. Just as I was pondering this, an ENTIRE MOUNTAIN OF POOP dropped out of his shorts and onto the floor. He just kept on walking to the bathroom like nothing was amiss.

I was left standing there in complete shock trying to figure out if that actually happened. Eventually I called the maintenance man and discovered that not much grosses me out, apparently.

The Key Is Politeness

, , , | Right | October 17, 2018

(I work at an arcade and bar that closes at 2:00 am on the weekends. At 1:30, two women approach me.)

Woman: “Has anyone returned any keys to you?”

Me: “No, no one has. But lost and found is up at the front; you can go check there.”

Woman: “I was over there, and the girl there was really rude to me! She said they only do cleaning in the morning, and no one is going to look after we’ve closed.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. Do you want to write down your number? We can call you if we find them.”

Woman: *rudely* “Yeah, but then how will I get home?”

Me: “Right. Well, I hope you find them.”

(I go back to my closing duties, because there’s nothing else I can do. I don’t hear exactly what she says, but she mumbles something to her friend and I hear the word “manager.” I turn back around and give her the biggest smile I can fake.)

Me: “Oh, would you like a manager?”

Woman: *rudely* “Um, yeah!”

Me: “Oh, I didn’t realize. One moment!”

(I call my manager over and he talks to her, telling her the same thing both my coworker and I did: we’re not going to search the building for her keys, and that her items are not the store’s responsibility. Twenty minutes later, I decide to go over to the front desk and see what really happened and if the woman found her keys.)

Me: “Were you the one talking to the woman who lost her keys?”

Coworker: “Yeah, she asked if she should wait around until we close, and I told her we do cleaning in the morning, and she gave me an attitude.”

Me: “Yeah, she was rude to me, too. Did she find her keys?”

Coworker: “Yeah, some guy found them on the ground outside and brought them in. I was so tempted to just throw them in the trash.”

Me: “I would have wanted to, too.”

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