Unfiltered Story #140363

, , , | Unfiltered | February 15, 2019

(It should be known that I am a mechanic with a nearby bowling alley on a lunch break. I’m a 6’1″, 215 lbs, bearded, angry looking man dressed in a tight black t-shirt, military green canvas work pants, and nasty workboots, and generally covered in grease.)

Fat Man In A Wheelchair (FMiaW): *at me loudly* “Cereal!”

Me: “…what?”

FMiaW: “What isle is the cereal at?”

Me: *calmly scanning the isle signs* “…ummm….. I don’t really know…”

FMiaW: *pointing behind me* “Chips!”

Me: *hand him chips*

FMiaW: “Cereal?”

Me: “I don’t know, I’d be guessing. I don’t actually work here.”

FMiaW: “Oh.” *waves me away*

Me: “Yeah, good luck.” *under my breath and walking away* “F*****”

(Yup. I have no patience for disrespectful laziness.)

Unfiltered Story #139469

, , , | Unfiltered | February 12, 2019

(At the pharmacy I work at, we sell cards for buying cell phone minutes. Most of these cards have set amounts that you are able to purchase, usually multiples of $10. The register can only put those set amounts on to the card. A customer I recognize as someone who has given me trouble in the past walked into the store with someone else, grabbed a phone minute card and placed it on the counter)

Me:And how much would you like to put on this card?

Customer: 35 dollars, please.

(I look at the card, it clearly say $10 $20 $30 $40 in giant numbers)

Me: Im sorry, I can’t put $35 on this card. It only allows me to put in the amounts on the front.

Customer:…But I need $35 for my plan!

Me. I’m sorry, but I literally can’t put anything but whats on the card.

Customer: Hold on a second….

(The customer suddenly pulls out a cell phone and procceds to begin hitting numbers for a good 5 minutes. I can hear an automated voice coming from the other end. He then holds the phone up to me)

Cellphone: If your plan is for a monthly charge for $35, please press-

(He pulls the phone back)

Customer: SEE?!

Me:…

(I then explained and demonstrated that I literally could only put in what the register allows me. He seemed like he was gonna say something else on the matter, but luckily the person he was with saw the futility in the situation, convinced him to leave.)

Keeping Pulling At That Thread

, , , , | Friendly | February 2, 2019

(When I am young, I go to a summer camp every year that is mainly staffed by people from overseas, primarily England. Being a bunch of middle-schoolers that rarely meet anyone from another state, never mind another country, we don’t quite get that it is rude to insist on hearing someone speak with an accent, but the counselors are mostly patient with us. Sometimes though, our ignorance gets a little too much for some…)

Us: “What’s your name?”

Counselor: “Pull.”

Us: “Huh?”

Counselor: “Pull?”

Us: “What?”

Counselor: *slightly pleadingly* “Pull?”

Us: “What kind of name is that?!”

Counselor: *with a resigned sigh and an exaggerated American accent* “PAAWWL!”

Us: “Oh! Paul!”

(Sorry, man! I promise I’ve learned to better understand accents in the twenty-plus years since!)

Mom Is Talking Baloney About Cannoli

, , , , , , | Related | January 29, 2019

(My sister and I have bought a house together, but my in-law sublet requires a bit of renovation that I did myself. I take my sweet time getting them done because I have difficulty motivating myself. A few weeks after officially moving in with my sister, I go to visit my mother, and after hanging out for a bit, she springs this on me:)

Mom: “You know, [Sister’s] boyfriend—“ *who lives with us* “—is very upset you ate his last cannoli. If you’re all going to be living together, you need to have appropriate boundaries.”

Me: “[Boyfriend] had cannolis?”

Mom: “Yes, and he was very upset you ate them.”

Me: “I didn’t eat them.”

Mom: “Figure this out between yourselves. I don’t appreciate being dragged into this. You’re all adults.”

(A little while later, a thought occurs to me…)

Me: “Are you sure he wasn’t talking about the donut I ate this morning? He had a box, and I asked if I could have one, and he said sure. It wasn’t the last one, and if he was saving it, he should have said something.”

Mom: “I don’t know, but you should really apologize.”

(I decide to text my sister’s boyfriend to see what’s going on.)

Me: “Hey, [Boyfriend]. What cannoli?”

Boyfriend: “?”

Me: “My mom’s saying it really upset you that I ate your last cannoli.”

Sister: “Hey, it’s [Sister]; I’m taking over texting for [Boyfriend] since he’s driving. What cannoli?”

Me: “That’s what I want to know! What did [Boyfriend] say to Mom?”

Sister: “The only thing [Boyfriend] said to Mom was, ‘[My Name] would have moved in a lot sooner if she knew how often I cook.’”

(I run the text conversation by my mother.)

Mom: “Hmm… Maybe that is what he said.”

(Later on, I get home. My sister’s boyfriend greets me with, “I don’t even know what the f*** a cannoli is!” I bought him a box of them the next day.)

Two Goofi

, , , , , , | Learning | December 28, 2018

(My professor is telling us about a presentation he once gave on interpersonal communication.)

Professor: “So, the presentation was at Disney World, but what I didn’t realize is that I was giving it to the Disney characters. And they were all in costume, too; there were three Donald Ducks, two Goofies, two Mickey Mouses–”

Student: “Is that the correct plural of Mickey Mouse?”

Professor: “What else would it be?”

Student: “Mickey Mice?”

Professor: “I don’t know; that doesn’t sound right.”

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