Fresher Than You’ll Ever Be

| Massena, NY, USA | Food & Drink

(I have worked at this concession stand for four years and this particular customer has been coming at least once a week since I started. Some variation of this same argument occurs every week.)

Regular Customer: “Is that coffee fresh?”

Me: “Relatively. I haven’t been open that long. You want some?”

Regular Customer: “No. It needs to be fresh!”

Me: “Ma’am, it is fresh. I just opened fifteen minutes ago.”

Regular Customer: “No! I can only drink fresh coffee!”

Me: “It is fresh coffee!”

(The customer stands there and glares at me without saying a word for about a minute.)

Me: “Ma’am, I am not making a new pot of coffee. This one is still fresh and over half-full.”

Regular Customer: “Yeah, well, it’s not fresh! No one’s going to buy it!”

Me: “Someone just did!”

Regular Customer: “Well, no one else will because you’re trying to sell them old coffee! I need fresh coffee!” *storms off*

Other Regular Customer: “You’d think she’d have learned just to bring her own d*** coffee by now.”


| Kansas City, MO, USA | Food & Drink

(A woman, about 40 years old, is looking at all our different food and drink items on a list on our front window.)

Me: “Hi! What can I get you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, uh…what’s j-u-i-c-e?”

Me: *pause* “Er, that’s juice.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(Stands there apparently thinking for about 10 seconds.)

Customer: “I don’t know what that is. Never mind!” *walks away*

Slippery When Wet

| Foxboro, MA, USA | Musical Mayhem, Uncategorized

(I’m working at a football stadium at a Bon Jovi concert. A drunk customer orders a water.)

Customer: “Why can I not have the cap to this!?”

Me: “It’s policy that we can’t give them to you. People used to throw full bottles onto the field and stages during events and it’s a safety hazard for the performers, athletes, and other members of the audience.”

Customer: *absolutely serious* “Why would ANYONE want to throw ANYTHING at Bon Jovi?!”

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