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A Little Tip From Up North

| Working | November 22, 2015

(My dad and I have traveled to Philly from Canada to see one of our favourite bands in concert. I am about 23. We go up to the bar.)

Me: “Two beers, please.”

Bartender: “You got any ID on you?”

(I hand her my Canadian ID.)

Bartender: *in a snarky tone* “Oh, you’re Canadian?” *scoffs*

Me: “Yup, and in Canada we only tip bartenders who aren’t b****es.”

Death To The Derrière

, , | Learning | July 14, 2015

(It is during the annual UIL (University Interscholastic League) contest. As a requirement, all orchestras have to play three pieces for the concert portion of said contest. One of the pieces being performed by my group is called “Ase’s (pronounced ‘Ace’s’) Death”. As per contest rules, an announcer announces the pieces we are playing before we begin. However…)

Announcer: “Today, the [My School] orchestra will be playing [Piece #1], Asses’ Death by Grieg, and [Piece #3].

(I wonder if the announcer noticed some of the students snickering at that unfortunate mispronunciation.)

Not So Knowing

| Related | June 17, 2015

(My dad and I are at a concert for one of our favorite artists. As the artist is a little off the mainstream, the venue only seats about 50, which we think is fantastic. After the artist plays a song from his new album, a woman stands up.)

Woman: “Hey, [Artist]! Can you play that song about how music changes you? The song called — oh, I can’t think about it. It’s song number seven on [Album].”

(I happen to own that album, and I have a head for that sort of thing, so I quickly mentally count through the tracks in order until I figure out which one is the seventh track, and I shout out the name.)

Me:I Know! I Know!”

Dad: “Don’t just say you know! Tell him the name of the song!”

(My dad jokes around a lot, so I assume he’s kidding. A few of the patrons around me have caught on, and while one or two follow my lead, some of the others decide they don’t want to hear that song and start shouting other requests until the artist starts playing something.)

Dad: *quietly, under the song* “Why didn’t you tell him the name of that song?”

Me: “Wait, what? I thought you were kidding.”

Dad: “Why would you think that?”

Me: “The name of the song is ‘I Know.'”

Dad: “Oh!”

Whistle While You Should Work

, | Learning | June 11, 2015

(I’m playing first chair, second violin in my sophomore year of high school. During one rehearsal, the conductor is auditioning people for the violin solo in a Tchaikovsky serenade. She has us play over and over while some students play the 2-minute solo.)

Conductor: “Okay, start from three measures before the entrance and I’ll cut you off…”

(She doesn’t call on the next interested soloist, so no one comes in at that point. On a whim, I whistle the whole thing while playing my own part. Two minutes later…)

Conductor: “That was lovely, but who missed their cue for the solo?”

Me: “You forgot to ask anyone to play it last time.”

Conductor: *turning to first violinists* “Okay, [Name] is next. If you don’t do better, I’m giving the solo to our whistler over here.”

Sing-Song Advice

| Friendly | May 31, 2015

(After a show of my favourite singer, I head over to the merchandise stand and decide to buy a girlie shirt.)

Me: “I wonder which size I should go for. Usually I’m an M, but you never know with those girlies… It could be too tight around the chest.”

Merch Girl: “I can’t really say… Let me show them both to you.”

(Suddenly, the singer pops in out of nowhere, apparently having overheard our conversation.)

Singer: “You. I have size L. You should take an M. That’ll fit you.”

(Next moment, she was gone again, absorbed in the gulf of fans swarming around her. Stunned, I decided to buy size M, and it indeed fit me just right!)