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They’re Being Annoying In Concert

| Friendly | February 13, 2017

(My husband and I are invited to go with a few friends to a local concert venue for a show. We’ve never been there, but we know it is a small, standing room-only venue with elevated “VIP” seating in the very back for people who wanted to pay a little more to have a chair. We’re all standing along one wall that happens to join with the VIP area, and there are three *very* drunk, 40-ish-year-old women sitting behind us.)

Drunk Woman #1: *leans down and asks one of our friends* “Are you having fun?”

Friend: “Yes, thank you!”

Drunk Woman #1: “So are we!”

Drunk Women #2 & #3: “WOO!”

(This goes on periodically throughout the show, which we don’t mind, but then Drunk Woman #3 takes a sudden liking to my husband and me. She actually got my attention by reaching down and using one of her long, fake fingernails to tap the top of my head.)

Me: *jumping* “Holy s***!”

Husband: “What’s wrong?”

Drunk Woman #3: *fingernails still very close to my face* “I just wanted to say you two are such a CUTE couple!”

Me: “Uh… thanks.”

(We try to keep watching the show, but she does this TWO MORE TIMES! I know she was just being happy-drunk-friendly, but I don’t care who you are; if you want someone’s attention don’t dig your fingernail into their scalp. It’s rude and not a place people typically like to be touched. I didn’t want to start an argument with a drunk person, so we just moved down the wall a little bit to get out of her reach. Things were going all right after that, until the finale of the show when Drunk Woman #3 starts screaming at the top of her lungs: “I LOVE YOU [MUSIC ARTIST]!!!” over and over. Thankfully, we’ve already decided to duck out a few minutes early to beat the traffic, so we leave. On the drive home, I see my husband out of the corner of my eye reaching his hand over like he’s going to tap the top of my head.)

Me: “Don’t even think about it!”

Husband: *laughs* “Come on!”

Me: “Do it, and I won’t stop at the taco truck on the way home.”

(He kept his fingernails off my head, and we had excellent tacos before heading home for the night.)

The Day The Music Died

| Friendly | November 11, 2016

(I’m attending a concert, and the band is currently between songs.)

Band Member #1: *looking over the set list* “You know, I’m just now realizing how dark our song titles are.”

Band Member #2: “Really? I realized that about 29 years ago.”

(They then moved on to their next song, simply titled “Dead.”)

Getting Smashed At The Bar

| Friendly | September 20, 2016

(I am getting a cocktail at an outdoor concert. Behind me are a pair of women who appear to be together.)

Bartender: “Hi, what would you like?”

Me: “May I please have a rum and coke?”

Bartender: “Sure! Can I see your ID?”

Me: “Sure thing!”

(I take out my driver’s license to show to the bartender, and hold it over the counter facing her so she can see my age. The bartender takes one look at my license, shrieks, and jumps back three feet. At this point, I’m wondering what I did to upset her so much.)

Bartender: “Spider!”

(I pull the license back, and sure enough, there’s a spider on the counter right underneath my license. Decent sized one, too.)

Me: “Come on; let’s get you out of here.”

(I try to get the spider to climb onto my license. The spider runs the other way.)

Bartender: “Here!”

(She throws a pile of napkins to me without getting any closer. The spider starts heading towards my side of the counter. I hold the napkins underneath the counter and the spider walks up onto the napkins. From behind me, I hear a customer.)

Customer #1: “I would’ve just smashed the spider.”

(I pick up the napkin and move a few feet away from the counter to let the spider go.)

Me: “There you go, little guy.”

Customer #2: “I want to pay for his drink.”

Me: “What? No, it’s cool. I just like spiders.”

(I show my ID to the bartender, and while I reach into my wallet to pay, Customer #2 pays for my drink.)

Me: “Oh, wow, thanks. I really appreciate that.”

Customer #1: “I guess that’s why she won’t pay for my drink; I would’ve just smashed it.”

(I thanked all involved parties again and left. When I took a sip from my drink, it was stronger than I was expecting. I’m pretty sure the bartender put in an extra shot for me!)

One Ring To Confuse Them All

| Friendly | May 17, 2016

(I’m at a concert with two friends, one female, one male. We’re all cosplayers and generally rather nerdy, so naturally I prick up my ears when a group of teenagers next to me starts discussing the Lord of the Rings.)

Teen Girl #1: “I found it way too complex.”

Teen Boy: “Really?”

Teen Girl #2: “Yeah, I just couldn’t figure out who the bad guy was. The one who ran away with the ring, or the “Grey” or “Red” or whatever, or Sauron?”

(Cue the three of us sharing an incredulous look…)

Smile, And The World Grumbles With You

| Friendly | January 20, 2016

(I’m standing by the edge of the mosh pit at a concert, when a young woman gets bounced at an unfortunate angle and goes flying out of it backwards. Luckily I manage to catch her under the arms before she falls down. She bounces to her feet, thanks me with a smile, and dives back in. The guy beside me scowls.)

Him: “Real typical, right?”

Me: “What?”

Him: “She couldn’t even show a little appreciation for you catching her like that.”

Me: “She did say thank you.”

Him: “Yeah, girls always say they want the nice guy and then give you the brush off, am I right? Could’ve at least hung around to talk to you.”

Me: “Why would she do that?”

Him: “So wait, you’re telling me you didn’t catch her so you could get some of that?”

Me: “No, I did it so she wouldn’t get hurt.”

Him: “Bull. What’s in it for you if she’s not all grateful and stuff?”

Me: “Well, tonight a pretty girl smiled at me after I got to hold her in my arms, however briefly. Can you say the same?”

(He gave me one last disbelieving look and stomped off. I’m betting not a lot of women, pretty or otherwise, smile at him.)