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A Kornucopia Of Surprises

, , , , , | Related | February 3, 2020

(My sister and I are at a concert for a band named after a grain. We overhear this conversation outside as an old man drops someone, presumably his grandson, off.)

Man: “Oh, this is a concert!”

Concert Goer: “Well, duh! What did you think this was?”

Man: “When you said you needed a ride to see corn, your grandmother and I thought you were going to some weird farmer show or something.”

(I have no idea what they were expecting it to be like, but I’m certainly curious what a four-hour show about corn would have been like.)

His Common Sense Is Disabled

, , , , | Working | January 29, 2020

(We’re at a concert. There are four of us. My mom and I both have disabilities, and my stepmom is in a motorized scooter. So, we walk up to the ADA section…)

ADA Guard: “Sorry, only one person per disability.”

Mom: “Okay, my wife is in a scooter, my daughter has a brace on her leg, and my other daughter is a minor. So, five.”

ADA Guard: “Sorry, ma’am. Minors still count as people.”

Mom: “You expect me to leave my eleven-year-old daughter in the general admission area alone?!”

ADA Guard: *doesn’t see the problem* “Yes, ma’am.”

(We ended up getting his manager.)

It Takes A Surgeon To Get You Through Border Control These Days 

, , , , , , | Working | December 2, 2019

(I am going to a concert with my parents, and my mother is recovering from surgery on a broken hand during which she had numerous pins placed to stabilize the bones. Her hand is also encased in a cast. We go through the metal detectors, and naturally, my mother’s hand sets off the detector. The security guard pulls out the wand to spot-check my mom, and asks her if she has any metal that she hasn’t removed.)

Mother: “Yes, I have six pins in my hand to set the break.”

Security Guard: “You need to remove them.”

Mother: “They’re implanted into my hand and covered with a solid cast. I can’t remove them.”

Security Guard: “You can’t go in with metal. You need to remove the metal and go through the scanner again.”

Mother: “Are you a surgeon?”

Security Guard: “No.”

Mother: “These are surgical pins that have been placed into my bones by a surgeon. They’re not coming out.”

Security Guard: “You still need to remove the metal.”

Mother: *ready to wallop the guard with the cast* “Unless you are willing to pay any medical bills from pulling these pins, they are not coming out.”

(Finally, a manager came over, realized the extent of my mom’s injury, told the guard he was an idiot, and let us through.)

About To Have A Row About The Row

, , , , | Friendly | September 20, 2019

(My wife and I are in our seats, waiting for a concert to start. In the defense of the person in the “wrong” here, this particular venue didn’t label each individual row, so it can be confusing.)

Man: “Excuse me. I think you’re sitting in our seats.”

Woman: “No, we’re not.”

Man: “Um, yes, you are.”

Woman: “No, we’re not.”

Man: “Okay, um, can we see your tickets?”

Woman: “Sure. See? We’re in row 22, seats 1 and 2.”

Man: “But this is row 24.”

Woman: “No, it’s not. See–” *pointing to the row ahead* “–23.”

Man: “Right. That’s 21, that’s 23, so this would be 24.”

Woman: “Oh, my gosh, you’re right. I am so sorry. Oh, no. I am my mother’s daughter.”

(During the concert, the performer actually comes down the aisle and sings right in people’s faces. He even pretends to take the hat of the person in row 22 and sings to her for a bit.)

Friend: “Good thing you sat in the right spot.”

Woman: “Ha, yeah, it sure is.”

(We looked back at the man in row 24. He wasn’t laughing.)

Gig Us A Hug!

, , | Friendly | May 31, 2019

(This is a bit of a different story. I’ve gone to see my favourite band, who are touring at the moment. They used to be quite a small band, but they’ve grown in popularity recently, having been in the country’s most popular rock music magazine multiple times. They’re still really humble and down to earth, though, and the lead singer books all their tours.)

Me: “Hey, [Lead Singer], great to see you again!”

Lead Singer: “Oh, it’s you again! I remember you from last time! How are you enjoying it so far?” *pulls me in for a hug*

Me: “Amazing, as always! You know I always love your gigs!”

(We get chatting about random things for a while.)

Me: “I just wish I could see you in [Other City they’re playing next week], too! I’ve just got no money at the moment. I know it was only £10, but I could hardly even afford the ticket for this one!”

Lead Singer: “Well… [Other City] isn’t even close to being sold out yet. Just turn up and I’ll make sure you get in!”

(I’m really shocked because I honestly wasn’t expecting this!)

Me: “No, no, there’s no way I could let you do that—“

Lead Singer: “Honestly, if the venue isn’t full yet, and there are still people who’d love to see us play and who’d genuinely enjoy it, then nothing would make me happier. Just turn up next Friday and I’ll sort it.”

(I was honestly speechless by this point, so I just thanked him and gave him another hug. And people wonder why they’re my favourite band!)