Not A Drop To Drink

| Right | September 17, 2011

(I’m manning the box office. I get a call from a customer who has received a free drink voucher that we send out to new customers as a welcome gift.)

Me: “Good morning, [concert hall]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m offended that you sent me a free drinks voucher in the post.”

Me: “You are? I’m sorry, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I’m an alcoholic and I can’t drink anything.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. The voucher is also valid for our range of soft drinks available as well as fresh coffee and tea–”

Customer: “I can’t drink anything.”

Me: “Anything at all?”

Customer: *shouting* “Anything!”

Me: “Not even juice, or water?”

Customer: “Anything! A-ny-thing!”

(I decide not to argue with him further and apologize for sending him the voucher.)

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Pray There’s No Back Door

, , , , , , , | Right | December 6, 2010

Customer: *referring to the recital hall* “Excuse me, can you direct me to your Rectal Hall?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “The Rectal Hall. I need to get into your Rectal Hall. Where is your Rectal Hall?”

Me: “I sincerely doubt you want the answer to that question.”

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