Putting The “A**” In “All-Access Pass”

, , , , , | Right | March 13, 2019

(I work as a doorman for a large, well-known rock venue in the city centre. We have a good team, and there is usually very little trouble, but we take pride in providing a safe place for people to have fun without being obnoxious. A band I don’t know is playing. I am checking passes at a door that leads backstage, and as you might imagine, fans always want to go backstage to meet their idols, so the rules are pretty strict; if you don’t have a pass, you’re not going backstage. No ifs, no buts, no coconuts. About an hour before the show starts, a guy approaches the door where I’m working.)

Me: “Pass, please.”

Customer: “I don’t have it. I must have left it backstage. Let me through!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but if you don’t have your pass on you, I can’t let you past.”

Customer: “F*** off! I left it backstage. Get out of my way!”

(The customer tries to push past me. I’m not a tall guy, but I’m broad, strong, and used to dealing with drunken idiots. I put my hand on the guy’s chest and gently push him back.)

Me: “I’m sorry. No pass, no entry.”

(The customer now starts on a rant, shouting and swearing, telling me that he’ll have my job, how much he makes compared to me, that I’m fat and too stupid to do anything but guard a door, etc. I’m trained to be calm in situations like these, but the attitude of this guy is getting on my nerves. After a couple of minutes of this, he seems to run out of ideas.)

Me: “Are you done? Look. If you can go and find someone with an Access All Areas pass, they can vouch for you and I can let you through. Until then, you’re not going backstage.”

(At this, he flounces off to find someone with a pass. He returns a few minutes later with a person I recognise from the security briefing: the band’s manager.)

Manager: “What is going on? [Customer] is saying that you threatened him, and you won’t let him backstage?”

(I explain the situation, noting that I don’t know who the band is or what they look like, and that for security reasons you can’t get backstage without a pass. Whilst this is happening, [Customer] is sneering at me over the manager’s shoulder.)

Me: “…so, as you’ve got an Access All Areas pass, you can vouch for him and I can let him past.”

Manager: “Oh. Well, that’s okay, then.”

(The customer smarms past me.)

Me: *to customer* “Remember to wear your pass, and we can avoid this in future.”

Customer: “F*** YOU!”

(Once he’s gone, I explain what the customer was like, and I can see the look the manager’s eyes.)

Manager: “I’m so sorry about him. He’s been showing off like this since we started the tour. He’s not normally like this.”

Me: “No worries. He is an idiot, though. How long have you got left of the tour?”

Manager: “We’ve only just started! We’ve got sixteen weeks to go!”

Me: “I’d suggest taking him aside and explaining that not every place is as nice as us. If he tries that in the wrong place he’s not always going to get such a calm response.”

Manager: “Will do. Thanks for not knocking him on his a**.”

(I saw that the band played the Glastonbury festival this year, so I guess the guy either mellowed out, or the manager drilled some sense into him!)

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Not Supporting Customer Support

, , , , , | Working | July 8, 2018

(I am on a family vacation to New Orleans. My parents buy tickets for a rock concert, and we go to the venue, only to come across the most unhelpful staff I’ve ever seen.)

Dad: “Where are we supposed to meet for the show?”

Security: “Over there.” *points to an area near the entrance of the venue* “May I see your tickets?”

(My dad shows him the email on his phone, and I can already tell from the guard’s reaction that we’re in for a rough experience.)

Security: “These aren’t tickets. There’s no barcode on these. You’ll have to go to the ticket office and have them try and print them for you.”

(While my dad and mom are visibly annoyed, we decide to go to the ticket office, anyway. In front of us is a man whose tone and annoyance only exacerbates my fear that we aren’t going to get much help. I don’t recall the conversation, but the man proceeds to leave with a very angry look on his face. Then it’s our turn.)

Dad: “We have tickets here, but the security guard said we can’t use them?”

(The worker looks at the email on my dad’s phone, and her confused look doesn’t really quell my fears.)

Worker: “We don’t support this company.”

Dad: “But we bought them!”

Worker: “Let me get my manager.”

(The workers calls over her manager who is waiting in the back, and she also has the same confused look.)

Manager: “We don’t support this company.”

Mom: *interjects and raising her voice* “What are you talking about?!”

Manager: “We only support [Company # 1] and [Company #2]. Not [Company #3]. I’ve never heard of [Company #3] in my life, and I don’t recognize this logo.”

Mom: “But it was on your site!”

Manager: “That may be, but we don’t support this company. There’s no barcode on this, either, so even if we did support it, we couldn’t print it, anyway.”

Me: “So, what do you recommend we do?”

Manager: “Take it up with the owners. I’m not at fault if you bought from a company that we don’t support.”

Mom: *begins to pretty much yell* “WELL, WHY DOESN’T THE F****** WEBSITE SPECIFY ANYTHING ABOUT COMPANIES THAT YOU SUPPORT OR DON’T SUPPORT?!”

Manager: “That’s not my problem. I didn’t design the website.”

Mom: *still yelling* “THIS IS THEFT, I TELL YOU! WHY DO YOU EVEN ALLOW COMPANIES YOU DON’T SUPPORT TO BE ON THE WEBSITE, ANYWAY?! CHECK THE SITE!”

Manager: “Again. Not my problem. You failed to read the policy.”

(We begin to walk away, but the manager interjects once again.)

Manager: “Take it up with the owners. It’s not my problem if people can’t comprehend basic instructions.”

Mom: “WHAT PART OF ‘IT’S NOT ON THE WEBSITE’ DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?! THIS IS F****** THEFT, I TELL YOU! WHY WOULD YOU NOT BOTHER TO FILTER OUT THE ILLEGAL COMPANIES ON YOUR OWN SITE?! YOU MADE IT! THE POLICY ISN’T EVEN IN THE MOST CONVENIENT SPOT, EVEN IF IT’S THERE!”

Me: “Mom, stop, stop, stop. It’s not worth it anymore. I don’t care who’s at fault, so long as we get the h*** away from this place.”

(We ended up bailing, and my mom called our bank to dispute the charges. What baffles me the most is that the website had no indication of this policy of ticket companies that they supported, nor did they make any attempt to check the site to verify our claims. In the end, I ended up writing a negative review on the website and got an apology from the owner.)

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This Time Is Not Be-Nine

, , , , | Right | May 17, 2018

(A middle-aged couple comes to pick up their tickets at will-call. They move to the door to go in. It is locked, as doors are not open for another twenty minutes. They stare blankly at me through the window, as though expecting me to get up and let them in.)

Me: “Doors open at 8:00.”

Man: “Why? Why can’t we go in now?”

Me: “The doors don’t open until one hour before the show starts.”

Man: *appalled* “The show starts at nine?!

Me: “That’s correct.”

Man: “How was I supposed to know that?!”

Me: “It says the time right on your ticket.”

Man: *glances at ticket* “It doesn’t say the time on your website.”

Me: “Actually, it does.”

(The couple both stare blankly at me again. I take this to mean, “Prove it.” So, I look up the show on our website, turn my screen toward them, and point right to where it says the time of doors opening and the time of the show.)

Man: *handing the tickets back through the window* “Give the tickets to someone else.”

(They both walked off.)

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Has All Kinds Of Future Applications

, , | Friendly | August 23, 2017

(Overheard backstage before a performance:)

Woman: “If I’d known how hard it would be to put on eyeliner this way, I would have actually listened when my kindergarten teacher tried to correct my pencil grip!”

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The Concert Was For ‘Lady Georgia-Georgia’

, | Right | May 4, 2016

(A customer has reached our call center to ask for more information about his tickets. Often, seating designations may be abbreviated on the tickets we mail out, and, in this case, the abbreviation is similar to another state’s two-letter postal abbreviation.)

Customer: “I have a question on my tickets. I can’t find the Georgia Standing area on the map.

Me: “I’m sorry; I’m not familiar with the Georgia Standing area. Is that how it’s written on your tickets?”

Customer: “Yeah, it says ‘GA STANDING.’”

(Now whenever our concerts have a General Admission Standing area, we all call it Georgia Standing!)

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