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A Walking Joke Becomes A Running Joke

, , , , , | Working | April 24, 2019

I was laptop shopping with my Dad, looking for a small laptop to take on my travels. This was ten years ago or so before iPads were really a thing, so I needed a small laptop to keep in touch with home.

We were browsing the different laptops when a member of staff came up to ask if we needed any help.

Dad had already noticed that there were higher-spec laptops for less money, but they were too big for my use, so he queried with the member of staff why they were cheaper.

The reply was that bigger laptops are heavier; therefore you can’t walk as fast with them, so people won’t pay as much for them.

I had to walk away to stop myself from laughing in this poor guy’s face. It’s still a running joke; when I added an extra SSD to my laptop today we said it has lost its value now as I won’t be able to walk as fast with it.

Charged With Battering The Battery

, , , | Right | January 16, 2019

(This happens back in the mid-2000s when I work at a computer store that will later go belly-up. I am a service tech, meaning all I do is check in computers. There are actual techs who work on the machines, and I flat-out make a point to explain that I am not technically proficient to give advice on how to fix machines.)

Customer: “My laptop won’t stay on, even with the battery, anymore. It won’t hold a charge. What do you think I should do?”

Me: “It’s hard to say… It could be the battery, or it could be the laptop. We can check it in for testing. It’s initially $19, and if there’s anything wrong with it, the techs can advise you from there.”

Customer: “Hmm… $19 to get it looked at? I mean… couldn’t it just be the battery? Maybe I should just get another battery.”

Me: “Maybe. I’m not a tech, so I can’t say if it is or not, and it’s not been tested. Besides, batteries run over $100 in some cases, so it may be cheaper to have the tech look at it. If the laptop is under warranty, it may be something easily fixed for free.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t have that long. I have to travel this weekend, and I need to take it with me. What kind of batteries do you have for [Model]?”

Me: *shows him the different ones, none of which match his model laptop, as it’s an older computer* “I really wouldn’t suggest buying one of these unless you know it works with your computer, though. Since you didn’t bring it with you, choosing one blindly wouldn’t be wise. We don’t accept batteries back once they’ve been opened.”

Customer: “That’s okay. I’m sure it’s this one.”

(The model version is for a newer type of laptop than what he has. I suggest again that he bring his laptop with him to try them out, but he decides to buy it all the same. Cue a month later…)

Customer: *red in the face* “You sold me the wrong battery! I want my money back, now!

Me: “Sir, all returns are at the returns desk. And I hate to tell you that we don’t take batteries back.”

Customer: “Yes, you did! You flat-out told me to buy this one!”

(I hadn’t remembered the man at first, but it finally clicks when he shows me the battery in question.)

Me: “Ah… Yes, it didn’t fit, did it? I did warn you to bring your laptop up here. We’re not able to take the battery back, just because it didn’t fit. We could only take it back if it was malfunctioning.”

Customer: “TAKE IT BACK!”

(He threw his plastic bag at me, which did nothing but float to the ground. By this time, our tech manager wa at the desk talking to him and backing up what I’d said. The general manager was then called and she told him word for word what I had told him. He started screaming and throwing such a tantrum that she told him to leave the store or she would call the police. He went outside and started slamming the battery against the brick column outside the store, then tried to come back in and claim that the battery was malfunctioning. Such a waste. He could have sold that and gotten most of his money back elsewhere.)

Coming From An Anti-Trust Fund

, , , , | Legal | January 11, 2019

(I’m working as a cashier in a computer retail store. I haven’t had much experience with scams at the register. The policy is that if a card does not go through the card reader, we can enter it in manually, but if it’s still rejected a phone number will automatically pop up on the registers for us to try and call to authorize the purchase with a code they give us. A lot of the time this will happen if it’s a large, out-of-the-ordinary purchase. This gentleman comes up to purchase multiple Apple products worth $5,000.)

Me: “Okay, your total is [amount]. How would you like to pay?”

Scammer: “Oh, I have this credit card, but it’s not like a normal credit card. It’s for a trust fund, so I’ll have to call my bank on my phone and they’ll give you the authorization number.”

(Red Flag #1.)

Me: “Oh, um, okay, let’s just run it through the normal way and see what happens.” *runs card but it’s denied*

Scammer: “See? I told you. Here. I’ll call my bank and they can give the okay.” *begins to dial*

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t talk to your bank on your phone; I have to go through my system. Let me try it manually.”

(I go through the steps, calling the number on my register to give the information. The customer is beginning to get more and more agitated as the time goes on. The card is denied again.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but your card has been declined. Do you have another form of payment?”

Scammer: “No, I already told you this isn’t like a normal card.” *starts shoving his phone in my face* “My bank is on the phone right now; talk to them!”

Me: “Sir, that is not how we can authorize cards. I cannot verify who is on the other end of your phone.”

Scammer: “Get me your manager! I’m trying to spend my good money here!”

(The scammer goes through the same song and dance with my manager. My manager backs me up, denying the customer.)

Scammer: *throw his hands in the air* “Fine! FINE! You just lost a customer; I’m never coming here again!” *storms off*

Me: *under my breath* “No, please, come back and steal from us!”

(I was commended for standing my ground and not giving in to him.)

Scotty And McCoy Haven’t Invented It Yet

, , , , | Right | December 13, 2018

(A customer shows me a case for a small, single-board computer that’s roughly the size of a smartphone. The case is very obviously made entirely of aluminum, and is labeled as such on the package.)

Customer: “Do you have this case in clear?”

Me: “No.”

You’d Be A Fool Not To Take The Deal; No, Seriously

, , , , , | Right | November 20, 2018

(The company I work for is doing a promotion where you can get an antivirus software– which retails at £60 — half-price if you buy a new product they are promoting for only £10. Common sense suggests doing this as it means essentially getting both items for £30 less than the anti virus alone. I am at the checkout.)

Me: “Good afternoon.”

Customer #1: “Just this, please.”

Me: “Actually, if it helps, you get this half-price if you buy—”

Customer #1: “I’m not interested.”

Me: “But if I can just explain it actually—”

Customer #1: “I said… not… interested.”

Me: *very quickly* “I can give you £20 off and a free item with it.”

Customer #1: “Look. I’ve said no. Just f****** ring it up.”

Me: “So, to clarify you want to pay the full £60 and not get the cheaper price with the free gift?”

Customer #1: “YES! NOW JUST PROCESS IT THROUGH. THAT’S THE ONE I WANT AND I’M VERY BUSY! NOW JUST DO YOUR JOB!”

(I put through the software as the customer insists, and she storms off. The next customer comes up holding the same product.)

Customer #2: “Sorry, I may have misheard, but can I get this for £40 with a free item?”

Me: “Yes, absolutely.”

Customer #2: “And she didn’t want that?”

Me: “Apparently not.”

Customer #2: “Wow… Some people are idiots… I’ll take the £40 deal, please!”