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Scotty And McCoy Haven’t Invented It Yet

, , , , | Right | December 13, 2018

(A customer shows me a case for a small, single-board computer that’s roughly the size of a smartphone. The case is very obviously made entirely of aluminum, and is labeled as such on the package.)

Customer: “Do you have this case in clear?”

Me: “No.”

You’d Be A Fool Not To Take The Deal; No, Seriously

, , , , , | Right | November 20, 2018

(The company I work for is doing a promotion where you can get an antivirus software– which retails at £60 — half-price if you buy a new product they are promoting for only £10. Common sense suggests doing this as it means essentially getting both items for £30 less than the anti virus alone. I am at the checkout.)

Me: “Good afternoon.”

Customer #1: “Just this, please.”

Me: “Actually, if it helps, you get this half-price if you buy—”

Customer #1: “I’m not interested.”

Me: “But if I can just explain it actually—”

Customer #1: “I said… not… interested.”

Me: *very quickly* “I can give you £20 off and a free item with it.”

Customer #1: “Look. I’ve said no. Just f****** ring it up.”

Me: “So, to clarify you want to pay the full £60 and not get the cheaper price with the free gift?”


(I put through the software as the customer insists, and she storms off. The next customer comes up holding the same product.)

Customer #2: “Sorry, I may have misheard, but can I get this for £40 with a free item?”

Me: “Yes, absolutely.”

Customer #2: “And she didn’t want that?”

Me: “Apparently not.”

Customer #2: “Wow… Some people are idiots… I’ll take the £40 deal, please!”

Uh… It Computes Things?

, , , , | Right | November 13, 2018

Customer: *slams item on my counter* “So, what can you tell me about this product?”

Me: *slightly confused* “What would you like to know?”

Customer: *in clear disbelief* “I don’t know! You tell me!”

A Bad Sign(ature)

, , , , | Legal | September 28, 2018

In the late 1990s to early 2000s, I was a tech at a small computer store. A woman brought in her malfunctioning computer and paid a rush charge to have it looked at right away. While I was checking her machine in, she was going on and on about being an attorney and needing the computer fixed quickly to be able to serve her clients. I handed her our standard disclaimer about data loss, etc., and asked her to sign.

Before I could finish explaining what it was, she grabbed my pen, signed the form without looking at it, and walked off.

I made note of her name in case I ever needed an attorney, so I could remember not to use her.


What A Complete Di(s)c

, , , , | Right | September 12, 2018

(I work at a computer store in Newcastle around 1983 or ‘84. A customer comes in with an IBM compatible computer complete with monitor and keyboard.)

Customer: “Fix this piece of g**d*** s**t! It won’t read my floppy disks!”

Me: “Okay… and what exactly is it doing?”

Customer: “I put the disk in and turn it on, but it says, ‘Drive A is not ready.’”

(What was the problem, you may ask? The idiot didn’t take out the protective thingy for the disk drive! He angrily says to me:)

Customer: “Why didn’t I think of that?! F*** you and your misconceptions!”

(He left without his computer. Long story short, I got my first real computer for free, and I still have it!)