A Memorable Transaction

| England, UK | Working | December 12, 2014

(We’re looking for a new digital camera. I find one I like and go to reserve it.)

Salesperson: There is a deal today: when you buy this camera you can buy this 8 gigabyte memory card for only £14.99.

Me: “No, thanks.”

Salesperson: *a bit rudely* “You have to buy a memory card, or it won’t work.”

Me: “Really, that’s okay, thank you. I know what I’m doing.”

Salesperson: “How about you buy it and if you don’t like it you can return it?”

Girlfriend: “Maybe we should buy it then, if we need it anyway?”

Me: “Trust me; we don’t want that one.”

Salesperson: “Suit yourself, then!”

(The camera turns up just a few days later. When I go to collect it I see the same salesperson standing there. She motions her colleague, as if to ‘show off’ what she is going to do next.)

Salesperson: “I remember you.” *hands me the camera* “It’s still not going to work if you don’t put a memory card in it.” *I can hear her coworker laughing at this point*

Me: “Yeah. You see…” *I open the box* “I do know a little about cameras. and this…” *I pull a SDHC card out of my pocket* “…is not only double the size, not only two models faster, but it was also £5 cheaper than the one you tried to bully us into buying.”

(The salesperson stood there for a few moments, with an open mouth, then rushed our transaction through in complete silence. When I got it home the memory card worked brilliantly, and it turned out the camera had an internal memory that wasn’t listed, meaning that she was completely lying about it needing a card in the first place.)

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Wifitis

| Overland Park, KS, USA | Right | August 5, 2014

(I work at a busy computer and electronics store. A customer approaches me in the printer section.)

Customer: “I’d like to buy a wifi disabled printer.”

Me: “Ah, do you mean a wifi enabled printer?”

Customer: “No. I want to buy a printer but it can’t have wifi.”

(I acquiesce and spend some time showing her a few different lines, explaining what each can do. None of them are satisfactory, since any modern consumer-level printer with decent features has built in wifi. Sensing her frustration, I show her a newer model. She’s pretty much sold but I tell her wifi is built in but that she can disable it if she’s worried about security.)

Customer: “No no. It’s not about security. It doesn’t matter if it can be disabled. We can’t risk having wifi in the printer at all.”

Me: “Not to pry, but why is it so important that the printer doesn’t have built-in wifi?”

Customer: “My husband is very sensitive to wireless electronic signals. He gets extreme headaches when exposed to them even for a short period of time. That’s why he’s standing over there.” *points to a smiling man standing about twenty feet away*

Me: *sarcastically* “Oh, no!”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “You might want to inform your husband that he’s been standing under the store’s main wireless access point for the past 20 minutes, being blasted with wifi signals 50 times stronger than any of these printers.”

(She ran to her husband, said something, and pointed up to the access point on the ceiling. I tried not to have a smug look on my face as the man suddenly feigned illness and they left abruptly.)

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Laptop Flop, Part 5

| Yorkshire, England, UK | Working | January 21, 2014

(I order an apparently great half-price laptop from a nationwide PC company, after [Assistant #1] assures me they have lots in stock. She says she’ll ring me in two weeks when it arrives).

Me: “Hi. It’s [Name]. I ordered a [model] laptop a couple of weeks ago, but I haven’t gotten a call yet. Could you tell me if it’s arrived, please?”

Assistant #1: “Ah, no. It’s not in yet. According to the system, it’ll be four more days.”

(One week later, I ring again.)

Assistant #2: “There’s been some delays with the deliveries, so unfortunately it won’t be here for another month.”

(One month later, I’m feeling pretty fed up and I’m contemplating cancelling. I get a call from the shop.)

Assistant #1: “Hi. I’m ringing about your [model] laptop. It seems that we don’t actually have any available in stock anymore in any of our shops. We can give a full refund, though, and I’ll personally give you a 20% discount if you buy another laptop with us before the Windows 8 launch next week.”

(I go into the store, and look at a few laptops on display.)

Me: “Do you have this model available in store right now?”

Assistant #2: “No, but I can order it for you! It would only be a couple of weeks until delivery.”

Me: “No.” *I explain what happened last time* “I only want a laptop that’s already here.”

Assistant #2: “Hmm, well we only have this other one here that’s within your price range.”

Me: “I’ll take it.” *we go to the till* “Is [Assistant #1] here? She said she’d give me a discount for all the hassle last time.”

Assistant #2: “She’s on holiday for two weeks.”

Me: “Well, did she make a note of it on my cancelled order?”

Assistant #2: “Ah… no.”

Me: “Can I speak to your manager, please?”

Assistant #2: “Uh… [Assistant #1] is the manager.”

Me: *giving up* “Fine. I’ll just take the laptop and go.”

Assistant #2: “Would you also like one of our store credit cards?”

Me: “Are you kidding? No.”

(It came as no surprise to hear two weeks later that the company had hit financial trouble. One good thing came out of it though: the laptop I ended up with has proved to be a good one!)

 

We Know Her Type

| Finland | Right | January 11, 2014

(A customer had spilled beer on her old laptop and wants a cost-effective way of making it usable again. The spare keyboard is too expensive. We end up disconnecting the internal keyboard because its stuck keys prevent the machine from booting. She was fine with the idea of using an external keyboard from now on. The customer returned the next day, slamming the laptop on the counter.)

Customer: “The keyboard doesn’t work! I was here just yesterday and you said you fixed it!”

Me: “Yes. We ‘fixed’ it by disconnecting the keyboard, because you didn’t want to order a new one.”

Customer: “But it doesn’t work!”

Me: “It does not work because you agreed to disconnecting it. You specifically asked if anything could be done instead of ordering a new spare keyboard, which is more expensive than the machine’s current worth.”

Customer: “You didn’t repair it!”

Me: “You didn’t want the new keyboard. The old one was beyond repair. There’s nothing else I could do about it.”

Customer: “But I paid money for it!”

Me: “You paid us for opening the laptop and disconnecting the cable. Many budget laptops, such as this one, are really time-consuming to disassemble because they use plastic clips instead of screws. We charged you for 30 minutes of service time.”

Customer: “But the keys no longer do anything!”

Me: “…”

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Laptop Flop, Part 5

| Finland | Right | November 22, 2013

(A customer walks in with a cheap supermarket-branded laptop. She insists it’s only a tiny problem, but it turns out to be a malware-ridden horror show with no anti-virus software installed at all. I spend over 30 minutes cleaning it up with the customer standing behind my back. I recommend installing an anti-virus package, which the customer refuses. She then picks up her machine, and tries to walk out.)

Me: “Excuse me, aren’t you forgetting something?”

Customer: “…Huh?”

Me: “The service fee is 45 euros.”

Customer: “Oh, come on! The computer was already expensive, and now this?!”

Me: “I guess we couldn’t go on for long if we worked for free.”

Customer: “But this is what you nerds do on your free time anyway!”

 

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