Likely Not A Fan Of Spell Checking

| Brisbane, Australia | Religion, Technology, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “I want to return this laptop I bought from you yesterday.”

Me: “Oh really? Why? Is there a problem with it?”

Customer: “Yes there is! It has witchcraft in it!”

Me: “Witchcraft?”

Customer: “Yes! When I tried to install a program on it, it said it was starting a wizard. Wizards and witchcraft are evil! I don’t know why you would sell such things at a store like this!”

Me: “Ma’am, a ‘wizard’ on a computer is just the name of the program that helps the install process, it makes it quick so that it is like magic, hence the name ‘wizard’.”

Customer: “I don’t care about your make believe hull-a-b-loo religion! It goes against my beliefs to have anything to do with that type of thing! Now give me my refund so I can be out of this evil place!”

Me: “Sure ma’am, this way.”

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The Secret Language Of Customers

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(An elderly customer approaches me while I make the rounds at the computer store.)

Customer: “Hello, young man! I would like one of those things…” *points to a laptop on display*

Me: “Sure thing! I have a couple of questions. What do you think you will mainly use it for?”

Customer: “Oh, I want to send screen mail.”

Me: “You mean email?”

Customer: “No! Screen mail!”

(Just as she says this, my supervisor walks up.)

Supervisor: “Oh, screen mail!”

Customer: “Yes, see? This young fellow gets it!”

(My supervisor points to a deli across the street)

Supervisor: “They sell screen mail over there.”

(She leaves and promptly returns after 20 minutes.)

Customer: “Thank you!” *holds up a bag of potato chips* “I got them!”

Byte Off More Than You Can Chew

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Me: “Good morning, what can I do for you?”

Customer: “Well, a few of my friends have been talking about this ‘internet’ thing. Is it any good?”

Me: “Yes, it is very useful. I use it all the time.”

Customer: “Oh, good.” *pulls something from his pocket*

Customer: “Could you put it on to this floppy disc for me, please?”

Me: “The entire Internet?”

Customer: “Yes, please!”

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And You Thought The ED Commercials Were Bad

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(Note: I’m helping a male customer find an IDE cable for his PC.)

Me: “…and the cables are right here.”

Customer: “This is for a full tower case. What’s the longest cable you have?”

(I measure the largest cable I can find. I think it was 20 inches.)

Customer: “Oh, that’s a bit too short.”

Me: “Sorry, that’s the longest I have. What sort of length were you looking for? I might be able to order something…”

Customer: “I need about 22 inches. That’s the story of my life…always two inches too short!”

Me: *chuckles*

Customer: *turns bright red and leaves in a hurry*

Best Bytes In The Bunch

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(An elderly man approaches me to purchase a Mac laptop for his granddaughter.)

Customer: “Hey, I have some questions about that laptop.”

Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

Customer: “That laptop is an Apple, right?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “I’m buying it for my granddaughter, but she’s allergic to apples. Can I get the same one, but in another fruit?”

Me: “…what? You do know that the laptops aren’t made of apples?”

Customer: “Then why display only an apple? It should be a selection.”

Me: “…I’ll get someone to help you.”

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