Their Computer Experience Is Green

| UK | Right | January 27, 2017

(I’m working on the IT helpdesk of the store I work in when I get a customer call in.)

Customer: “I bought a laptop there yesterday and now it’s broken. What do I do to fix it?”

Me: “Could you please describe how it’s broken?”

Customer: “It’s green.”

Me: “Green?”

Customer: “Green.”

Me: “Anything else?”

Customer: “It’s green!”

Me: “So the casing is green?”

Customer: “I don’t know what that is. Why aren’t you helping me?”

Me: “I’m trying to, madam. Could you please describe what exactly is green?”

Customer: “It… it’s just green.”

Me: “Okay. Are you able to turn the laptop over and tell me what the information on the back is?”

(She reads me the information and I check the model. It isn’t available in green so I’m at a loss as to what she is describing, until I notice the laptop I have been working on through the day.)

Me: “Is it green on the front, like a small light?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Was it a different colour before?”

Customer: “Orange! I like orange. Can it be orange again?”

Me: “And is it connected to a live plug?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Madam?”

Customer: “A… what?”

Me: *while praying she knows what this means* “Is it… charging?”

Customer: “Like my iPhone? Yes, it is!”

Me: “Well, it’s doing what your iPhone does when you charge it up. The green light is when it’s fully charged.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Do you understand?”

Customer: “I think so. So when can you fix it?”

Me: “There’s nothing wrong with it. That is what the laptop is designed to do.”

Customer: “But I want the orange!”

Me: “If you take it off charge and use it for a while, then charge it up again, it will be orange again for a short time.”

Customer: “It will?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Oh, my God! It’ll be like a Christmas present only all year round! Thank you so much!” *hangs up*

Did The Magic Smoke Come Out, Too?

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Right | October 11, 2016

Customer In Front Of Me: *to computer guy* “Hi, my computer made a bang noise, stopped working, then there was weird smell… Is that a bad thing?”

A Skin-Deep Assumption

| England, UK | Related | September 28, 2016

(I’m browsing a popular video game store, with my young daughter. We are wandering around when one of the staff disappears into a back room.)

Daughter: “Daddy, where did the black one go?”

(I’m shocked. We never refer to anyone by their skin colour; the employee did have very dark skin. Was it her grandad? The kids at nursery? Before I could think what to say, she asks again.)

Daughter: “Daddy, the black one, where did he go?”

Me: “Now, you know that’s not how we talk about people. We don’t call them by the colour of their skin.”

Daughter: “No, daddy, the one in the black shirt.”

(He appeared in a jet black t-shirt. Thankfully, he thought it funny and smiled and waved at her.)

Not Exceptionally Bright

| SK, Canada | Working | September 3, 2016

(The battery for my laptop is about a month out of warranty, but it is getting REALLY hot. I call Laptop Manufacturer, say the magic word, ‘burning,’ and am promised that an exception will be allowed. All I have to do was give an exception number to any Laptop Manufacturer retailer to get a new one.)

Me: “Hi, I need a replacement battery for my [Laptop].”

Worker: *in a bored voice* “I need to see the computer to run diagnostics to make sure it’s actually an issue with the battery.”

Me: “Actually, I have an exception.”

Worker: *basically repeats what he just said*

(This goes back and forth for a while, with him insisting he needs to see the computer and not believing I have an exception.)

Me: “Look. You don’t need to see my computer. You do need to look up this number, which will prove what I’ve told you multiple times now.”

Worker: “Ugh, fine!” *enters number* “Oh.” *completely different, meek voice* “You… have an exception.”

Me: *head-desk*

Making A Lot Of Noise About You Leaving

| Olympia, WA, USA | Working | May 13, 2016

(I recently left a small computer shop I was working at to work for myself. On the last day of work, I gave my manager a gift, a small electronic noise maker that can be set to various volumes, timers, and sounds. About a month after my departure, my coworker sends me a message.)

Coworker: “You b****! [Manager] just came clean with that stupid noise maker!”

Me: “Whoops. I’m surprised it took this long. I thought you would have put it together that on my last day there you were hearing noises.”

Coworker: “I might have, except it kept going, and he moved it around and had it set to go off randomly, even when he wasn’t here!”

Me: “I am very sorry, and I will never do it again.”

Coworker: “He had so much fun with that.”

Me: “Are you at work today?”

Coworker: “Yeah.”

Me: “Can you give [Manager] a high-five for me?”

Coworker: “…”

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