(A customer comes in asking for dictation software. I showed him a very popular dictation package.)
Customer: “Does that use voice recognition?”
Me: “Yes, it does.”
Customer: “Oh, I don’t want that! Voice recognition doesn’t work. Do you have any dictation software that doesn’t use voice recognition?”
Me: “No, we do not.”
Customer: *looks annoyed and leaves*
(A customer comes in asking about a monitor. She needs convincing that it is brand new, and that we do not sell second hand.)
Customer: “Where do I adjust the brightness and contrast ?”
Me: “From the menu, like in a TV.”
(I bring up the menu on the screen to show her.)
Customer: “So, is that included in the price?”
Me: “Pardon?”
Customer: “The menu.”
Me: “Yes. The menu comes with the price.”
Related:
Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 5
Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 4
Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 3
Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 2
Not Remotely Intelligent
Customer: “I need to know how to lock my laptop. I picked it up the other day, and there were all these adult sites in the history! My son is seventeen. I told him to stop using it, but you know how they are at that age!”
(I chuckle in agreement.)
Customer: “Wait, how old are you?”
Me: “Well, I’m just a couple years older myself.”
Customer: “Well, you know what I mean!”
Customer: “I need a USB cable.”
Me: “For which device?”
Customer: “For my computer!”
Me: “But you will plug it in somewhere?”
Customer: “Yes, in my computer!”
Me: “But what’s at the other end of the cable?”
Customer: “What other end?”
Customer: “Excuse me!”
Me: “Yes, ma’am?”
Customer: “I want to return this laptop I bought from you yesterday.”
Me: “Oh, really? Why? Is there a problem with it?”
Customer: “Yes there is! It has witchcraft in it!”
Me: “Witchcraft?”
Customer: “Yes! When I tried to install a program on it, it said it was starting a wizard. Wizards and witchcraft are evil! I don’t know why you would sell such things at a store like this!”
Me: “Ma’am, a ‘wizard’ on a computer is just the name of the program that helps the install process. It makes it quick so that it is like magic, hence the name ‘wizard’.”
Customer: “I don’t care about your make-believe hullabaloo religion! It goes against my beliefs to have anything to do with that type of thing! Now give me my refund so I can be out of this evil place!”
Me: “Sure, ma’am, this way.”
