(I work at a computer service where we fix computers and sell some general computer equipment. Our boss prefers if we actually help the customer rather than make a sale.)

Customer: “Hi, do you guys have a HDMI to VGA adapter?”

Me: “Sure, here it is. What do you need it for, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Customer: “Well, I have this laptop that I need to connect to a projector for a presentation.”

Me: “Okay, sir, this will work for you, but you do know that laptops have VGA output apart from HDMI, meaning you don’t actually need to purchase this?”

Customer: “Yeah, I know, but I figured HDMI has HD output so it would have better picture quality.”

Me: “Well, sir, projectors, especially the ones used for presentations, don’t really benefit from HDMI since their display quality is often way lower than HD resolutions. Furthermore this HDMI to VGA adapter degrades HDMI output to VGA so it could be transferred using VGA ports so you will have absolutely no benefit from HDMI.”

Customer: “But HDMI has a better picture!”

Me: “Yes, sir, it does, but it has to be degraded to VGA quality so your projector can use it, so in my opinion it’s better to just use laptops VGA output instead of buying this adapter and using HDMI.”

Customer: “But I want the better picture!”

Me: “Okay, sir. That will be 10$”

Customer: “I’ve got a broken computer and I need it fixed.”

(The customer proceeds to open a bag and out comes a old VHS player.)

Me: “Sir, that is not a computer. That is a VHS tape player.”

Customer: “Well, my PC is broken and I was hoping that you could fix it.”

Me: “Sir, that is not a PC. That’s a VHS tape player and there is no repair shop for VHS players around anymore, as they are deemed outdated.”

Customer: “Well, where can I find one?”

Me: “You can’t. You will have to buy a new one.”

Customer: “So, you can’t repair it?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “I heard great service from my friends when they came here to fix their PC.”

Me: “That is not a PC. That is a VHS player that you are holding in your hands.”

Customer: “So, can you fix it?”

(I own my own little computer repair shop, and lease it in a building next door to a restaurant. Though it is rare, I do sometimes get people who come into my shop by mistake looking for the restaurant because it offers to order out its food, and often this problem is resolved by me giving them directions to next door. My shop is very much so obviously a computer repair shop with only a desk to drop of your computer and a few displays with replacement parts. I am behind the drop off desk checking which order to work on next, when a customer comes in.)

Me: “Oh, hi there. Here to pick up an order?”

Customer: “Yup, I had a order for Ted.”

Me: *I look up my database and find no orders for Ted.* “Umm, is it perhaps under any other name, or last name?”

Customer: “No, I definitely put it under Ted.”

Me: “Hmm, well what did you get done on your system? Maybe I can find it that way?”

Customer: “Oh I ordered a large pepperoni, well done, with some hot wings.”

Me: “You mean, like the food?”

Customer: “…duh! You work in a restaurant. What do you think is here?”

Me: “No, as you can see…” *I point around my shop* “I run a small computer repair shop.”

Customer: “Don’t give me that bull-s***! I’m the husband of the owner and if you don’t get me my order I’ll have you fired!”

(I am amused by this, because since we’ve been neighbors for a few years I know for sure the owner of the restaurant is indeed a woman, but is also a same sex couple with her partner.)

Me: “Really now? I heard she and her husband broke up.”

Customer: “No, we didn’t. We’re a loving man and wife. Now get me my d*** food, now!”

Me: “Sorry. I just can’t do that. It goes against my policies.”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager, now!”

(I call the restaurant and ask if the owner could come over real quick. She does.)

Owner: “What seems to be—” *comes in and stops almost immediately. at the sight of the customer.*

Customer: “You’re not the manager of [Restaurant]. You’re just the stupid c*** that thinks you’re clever. I wanna speak to the owner, now!

Owner: “For the last time, you stupid dolt, this is not [Other Restaurant]. Stop coming to my store and yelling at my employees and customers!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you’ll have to leave now.”

Customer: “Screw this s***! You’re all stupid f***s! You can all go to h***! I’ll never eat at [Other Restaurant] again! I’ll have your jobs, too!”

(Both Owner and I were left dumbfounded by the stupidity of this customer. Lucky for me, though, I got a free sandwich for having to deal with the stupid dolt!)

(I work the front in a local computer repair shop and am in charge of answering phones and scheduling service. The phone rings and I answer.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Caller: “Do you guys have any skateboards?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, sir. We are actually a computer repair company.”

Caller: “Oh…” *long pause* “So, do you guys have any skateboards?”

Me: “… No, sir. We only sell and work on computers.”

Caller: “Oh. Okay.” *hangs up*

(For three weeks I kept having to come into the same IT store and speak to the same guy over a somewhat important component for my new laptop that wasn’t working when I first purchased it. The last time I go in, I am with my little brother and we are just waiting on the IT guy to bring the new part to the front desk.)

IT Guy: “So I checked the [important component] works out the back, but we’ll just check it works on your computer too before we close the service job. Some of the other guys here might accuse me of purposely screwing this up so I can keep seeing you!”

Me: *blushes* “Um, thanks?”

(I pull out my laptop and we check the component works with it before I take the component and put it away with the laptop, satisfied the whole situation is sorted.)

IT Guy: “Great! Now that’s all done, you won’t have to come back in here! Although personally I hope your whole laptop dies so you’ll have to come back so I can keep seeing such a pretty lady!”

Me: “Geez, I hope it doesn’t die! I really need it to work after all this running around trying to find a part!”

IT Guy: “Yeah, well, I do… But I don’t… But really, I do.”

Brother: *sensing this is getting a little awkward* “Well, thanks! Bye!” *drags me out of store*

(To the IT guy: dude, you helped me out so much, but you were so much older than me, and that conversation, wishing me absolute failure with my brand new laptop, got REALLY awkward, really fast. But you made me laugh, and embarrassed my brother heaps!)